Almost an Ode to Anger… I decided to document my anger one day…

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Right now I am angry. Not like the I just missed the bus angry. Or the I burned breakfast angry. No this is a different angry. It rages so strongly I don’t know where in my body such profound anger could come from. It is demonic. It is horrific. It is manic. I’m screaming inside and no one can hear me. Of course I can vocally scream and still not get help. I feel this is always the same and it never changes. I want change. The angry just percolates inside me instead. I want to break something with such force but something holds me back. Music in my ears is bleeding loud and then louder. The pain of the loud feels good. I can control it. I want CHANGE. Take me seriously. Or I will leave and find someone who does. Still angry. The “one too many fights” or “this is the last fight” angry. Fury. Madness. I’m surprised I’m not in flames. Facial spasms hold the tears in. The music screams for me. Louder. Louder. I don’t care who I disrupt. I want to disappear. My senses are in flames, as the anger spreads. I feel disgusting. I feel wrong. Who is right? Who cares? I just don’t want to feel this type of anger ever again.

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