2014 in review

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My dreams were realized. I finally graduated community college and I finished my first semester of the school of my dreams. It has been so unreal that this all happened.

The highlight was spending a few days with my twin a few days ago.

For 2015, I dream of a perfect thesis idea and also a great guy in the new year. (fingers crossed)

I resolve to be more patient, eat more real food, spend more time with people I love, and further the art of compromise.

I resolve to listen and actually hear what has been said. I resolve to work hard for my dreams, to never give up.
I realize that is a tall order, but I can accomplish this.

Whatever you do, never give up. When you get to the end and finish your goal big or small, you will recognize it was very worth all the stress.

Hats off to 2015!

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The Forbidden Staircase

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The forbidden staircase : by Maria Pondo

I walk it everyday
I walk the forbidden path
I am practically crucified for what I can’t change
I walk this spiraling staircase alone
I walk with no railing
I walk and when I fall I leap up     I dust myself off, ice the bruises
I walk this perilous path
I walk to freedom
I walk for fresh air to fill my lungs
I walk to an education
I walk to find true love
I walk for books I love and coffee I adore
I walk a new life where I discovered my strengths
I walk this path of joy
But it is a forbidden case of stairs to me so I walk quietly
And sometimes I walk it alone.
I walk with my head up and a heavy heart.
I walk hoping to help others so we can walk together, never alone.
I walk because of the journey.
I walk for the wing in my hair
And the silent hope that the love of my life is traveling the same staircase not far behind…

Sitting under the Christmas fireplace

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It was when we all sat down to take a break

from cleaning and cooking

That we realized we weren’t spending time with each other

We sat quickly listening to the fireplace crackle

And then I looked at my mom and she smiled back

She forgave me for arguing earlier

I wanted to say something, but I sat quietly

We all did.

I thought about the Christmas mass

I thought about Wiligia,

I thought about my twin.

Then I wondered what everyone else could be pondering

In this Christmas moment of silence.

It had to come to an end as all good things do,

But I have it in my memory bank.

And it cannot be taken.

A movie many didn’t see, Worth a chance

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Two Face

How can you enjoy living when everything around you is swirling dangerously in a cyclone? This question plagued me as I witnessed The Social Network. When I saw the preview I was so excited for this film I stood in place, forgetting about the world around me. The song creep by Radiohead, remade by Scala, explains Mark Zukerburg so well! (I don’t belong here.) It is so much about friendship, betrayal, and life, and not centered around facebook completely. The themes of greed and loneliness travel throughout. In fact I do not have a facebook account and I truly enjoyed this film. The main Mark Zukerburg, is introverted and is starving to belong to a sorority, The Phoenix. His friend gets invited and this is where they start to drift apart. Mark is SO angry that he is not in. Although Eduardo has the money so he is important. I can feel the tension cutting the air and see it. The non-verbal eye contact in this film is astounding! This film’s director (who has done Zodiac and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button) brilliantly takes us through a series of flashbacks between the deposition and what led up to it as we see Eduardo and Mark’s friendship dissolve because of the creation of “the facebook” which just becomes “facebook”at the suggestion of Sean Parker. He is in the film long enough to leave me impressed. He created Napster, is broke, and is a villain!

Played masterfully by Justin Timberlake who I expected to butcher his role, did a remarkable job as the puppet master of this movie. Although Eduardo tries to warn Mark, Sean Parker has him strung on by the end of their first meeting at a restaurant as Mark hangs on to every word. Eduardo is our hero in the story but he cannot save Mark because Mark has been taken by computers, technology and greed. The movie shows Harvard’s beauty but human cruelty. When three Harvard elites want Mark to help them launch a website, he agrees. They end up suing although I watched as one of the twins did not want to sue for the longest time because he “was a gentleman of Harvard”. The lawsuits really interested me, and although this movie goes so quickly, everything is a joke to Mark. The cinematography, the lighting, and the quick way that Zuckerburg talks are all absolutely genius. There was an empty theater but I adored so much about what this film means. Mark Zuckerburg is truly two-face, pretending friendship, but hypnotized to making a name for himself. 500 million friends now, by to whom is he really connected to? I feel like he has become a computer a robot, with no emotion. Even if you do not like Facebook like me, you might find this film captivating. So blinded by compulsiveness Mark dies inside. This move truly displays acting and images that left me pondering and awestruck. It is blended with rich fragrant spices of sex, alcohol, violence, and, fury. After all the lawsuits it is about this – “young people who will stop at nothing to get what they want.”

Windows of myself

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Model

Shaped into life

Except “myself”

Exchange fake

To cursed

Shaking here and There

Dead end

Disguised despair…

Silent and

Spinning seasons

Through space.

LIFE

Star shine,

Come back

To the one woman!

Exchange!

Something is bulging

With joy, a gaze

A body sweet, shaped into love.♥

Wildly Loosely

Sprinkled into windows of myself.

Spawn of Satan

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I sit uneasy

I stand tall

I pull and press the cold torment in my hand

My dirty jean apron is tied

My cloudy red bucket nearby

The music in the distance is the only soothing thing

With the gray clay

I fixate my mind on a small perfect vase

And for a moment in space

It exists

I glace over at my tools

At my damp pick and my filthy needle

My hands bone dry

I make three coils

They are stacked on the wheel

Oh Coils I hate the false joy you bring

It makes my heart sing

A lovely but misleading tune

Makes me look like a loon

So I work work work

Faster, concentrate

I combine you into one piece

Low and behold like rotting mold

On my toast

Revolting

You infuriate me

I plot ways to clash swords with you and win

Yet outwards travels the clay

Like a Mayan Temple

You, coils torture like a bully

You get inside my mind

You mess with calm

And create the perfect storm for madness

Maybe I stabbed my hand with the chisel

But so many failures of the toll of the coil

The toil of making circles makes me

Dizzy and you collapse my senses

Like a bully

You always reemerge

More hurtful

I stack and combine three more

It is woman verses nature

Maria against the coil

I will spin you around and make you puke

But again I have to start again

With what strength I have left

I stand up

I sadly but angrily crumple and thrust

You into the bin

Evil coil

You make my blood boil

You make me bleed my own blood

I have nothing to show for all these hours

Except your victory

And some blood

I curse the day you were born

Circles represent forever,

Perpetually they go on

So Forever I wage battle

Guerrilla Warfare

My fist smack and the table rattle

Until I collapse

Or you melt

Spawn of Satan

The Devil Wears Red Slippers and a Jade Hat

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He was there

With tiny red slippers and a jade hat

The devil parades

Through

If there is a sudden

Disease running through the town

If building are crumbling

Because of natural disaster

Down the dust pedals fly faster

He spawned them specifically

A bully that damages my mind

A noise that made me shiver,

A car accident that could have been me

Hurricane or typhoon

A burn on her hand

Drugs on the cargo train

A nightmare, a shooting in Ferguson and New York

A dog chasing you down the street

Red runs, blood you stagger on your feet

Someone decides not to catch you

Falling ice

Burning home

Lost your job

I know in my soul He was there

Animals dying because of spilt oil

Floods and the toil of rebuilding

Death coming in a manner

You would not say out loud

Because it would make your head speed up

And make you hate what you just said

Make your feet slow and you puke

So many children gone, so many grieving families

The world stunned and shaken to its very core

The Taliban responsible, the devil within each one of them

He was there

Red slippers, jade hat

He is around

Watch out

Proceed with caution

And remember he can always be beaten

With love

He can always be beaten

With love