What Shimer means to me

What Shimer means to me

When I feel scared on the train 

When I feel angry because of fights that corrode my nights
about a condition that they pretend to understand I say stop, you don’t. 
When I feel angry being judged by my clothes, earrings, or shoes or head band or my jacket 
Instead of my character 
I remember with hope in my heart  that soon I’m leaving to Shimer 
I remember that it’s different here. 
I remember that it’s not perfect but it’s my safe haven
I have my classes where there is compassion and a real understanding  I joke openly and honestly with friends, true friends 
I laugh and sip coffee and smile.
We struggle through essays and colds and meetings together, helping one another. A United front.
I rejoice at the freedom to be exactly as I am never reduced to something I’m not, and liked for who I choose to be.
I go back home. I try to articulate my point and am met with adversity on the car ride home and instantly I want to go back.
I want to go back to feeling whole.
I fall silent and rush downstairs where there is my music my books and me. 
The giver and Taylor swift and Avril Lavenge and hamlet.
In that moment there is no comfort.
Sometimes we get along and I don’t understand why we ever fight. 
Everything is suddenly kind and relaxed. 
Until I ask a question or say the wrong thing. Then I get up off the couch, I fold my blanket and go to bed with tears rolling down my face that I quickly wipe away.
The next morning is Wednesday I will be at Shimer all day and then there is assembly.
People grumble about the morning as I make coffee,  a tiny cup and iron my crisp white shirt. I have my lunch and backpack. I’m ready to leave. This time Im meeting the yelling about being late with kind words. I offer to bring a bottle of water from downstairs. 
The moment I step into the building something inside me changes. 
A sense of calm sweeps over me.
My friends and teachers are just beyond those steps. Open lounge where I eat breakfast is right there. My world is that floor and its inhibiates.
Here I am free to think, to say, to want, to be. To more than exist.
That is what Shimer means to me.

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