The loneliness inside my soul is a caving, fiery hole. It threatens my joy and invites the darkness. As I draw towards the light, it swallows me back completely unforgiving. It burns deep, not always but it smoothers when it does. It smoothers my mind and I die into a pool of invisible tears I refuse to cry. I’m unable to cry. I wish if I hugged myself it could comfort me. I wish I didn’t collapse so suddenly. One moment I’m strong and the next, I want someone to laugh with. To hold in my arms. To miss. To love. I wake up to greet the day, trying to stop drowning. I get up and recognize that instead of fighting I need to allow these feelings to overwhelm me in order to truly be a whole person. Sometimes there will be pain. But there is joy, I just have to find it.