Burning Fires

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Agony pain burning fires

In my brain

In my body

In my heart

I can’t put the fire out

Water doesn’t work

I thought I could drown it in tears

I thought I could suffocate it

With my sweater

But instead

It suffocates me.

Smoke, fire, flames bursting through my heart.

Suddenly an explosion.

My heart’s a million tiny pieces

Shattered, scattered.

I finally put the fire out

Superhuman strength appears

Strong resolve to survive

but the damage of the fire

It is overwhelming

It’s burning pain I can still feel

The shock of the smoke

Collapses my lungs

The sadness of joy turned into sparks

Sparks of absolute agony

The fire was uninviting

Torture

Truly it was the deepest level of hell

I felt pain in places I didn’t know I could

Now the charred remains will get off this train

After class

After talking to Ethan

After help from Heidi

After wisdom from Janet and Glendalyn

After tea with Bella

I walk to go shower

My charred self

Recovering what I can

Abandoning the rest

And recalling how high the flames got
And praying that no one can hurt me that deeply again…

Knowing they could.

Off to shower, drink coffee and pretend everything is fine.

Until it is.

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Burning fires

Standard

Agony pain burning fires

In my brain

In my body

In my heart

I can’t put the fire out

Water doesn’t work

I thought I could drown it in tears

I thought I could suffocate it

With my sweater

But instead

It suffocates me.

Smoke, fire, flames bursting through my heart.

Suddenly an explosion.

My heart’s a million tiny pieces

Shattered, scattered.

I finally put the fire out

Superhuman strength appears

Strong resolve to survive

but the damage of the fire

It is overwhelming

It’s burning pain I can still feel

The shock of the smoke

Collapses my lungs

The sadness of joy turned into sparks

Sparks of absolute agony

The fire was uninviting

Torture

Truly it was the deepest level of hell

I felt pain in places I didn’t know I could

Now the charred remains will get off this train

After class

After talking to Ethan

After help from Heidi

After wisdom from Janet and Glendalyn

After tea with Bella

I walk to go shower

My charred self

Recovering what I can

Abandoning the rest

And recalling how high the flames got
And praying that no one can hurt me that deeply again…

Knowing they could.

Off to shower, drink coffee and pretend everything is fine.

Until it is.

Why I need a Superman

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pearlgirlponderingsandreviews

Not for superpowers

Not for superstrength

Not for power or glory

Not for the upper hand

Not for military fights

Not for sensation

No

I need a Clark Kent

That loves the way that he does

You can literally see the care in his eyes on screen

You can sense and feel his passion,

You can even witness it

The lust, love, and respect all at once.
I need a superman that truly listens to me with an open heart, no judgement

That wants to cook and bring fragrant flowers

The same way he did in the film

His passion for every tiny detail

It left me spellbound…

I ache for the love he has in his heart

It’s literally out of this world

I hope for understanding

I dream of a caring man

Yes, good lucks, muscles, and charm

Yes, a smile that sends shock waves

Through me.
But…

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Why I need a Superman

Standard

Not for superpowers

Not for superstrength

Not for power or glory

Not for the upper hand

Not for military fights

Not for sensation

No

I need a Clark Kent

That loves the way that he does

You can literally see the care in his eyes on screen

You can sense and feel his passion,

You can even witness it

The lust, love, and respect all at once.
I need a superman that truly listens to me with an open heart, no judgement

That wants to cook and bring fragrant flowers

The same way he did in the film

His passion for every tiny detail

It left me spellbound…

I ache for the love he has in his heart

It’s literally out of this world

I hope for understanding

I dream of a caring man

Yes, good lucks, muscles, and charm

Yes, a smile that sends shock waves

Through me.
But once that all fades, you are left

With that undying love

That’s why I need a superman

To protect me from emotional pain

The way Lois lane is rescued from physical danger.

I want that kind of salvation.

Prayers for Brussels 

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All I can ask for 

Is prayers for this city 

Let’s pray for all of humanity

Let’s pray to end hate

And allow those lost souls of

Today’s horrific attacks

To rest in heaven’s embrace

My heart weeps for the innocent 

My brain questions the hatred

My heart and brain together 

Beg for peace. 

My Cluttered, Chaotic, and occasionally Exqusite Life

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I’m a warm, fresh Giordano’s pizza after a patient four hour wait at the clamorous airport, as uninviting as it is.

I’m freezing green jello.

I am a frustration that shatters mirrors and hearts; all’s fair in love and war, right?

The crushing ocean waves mirror my mood, my eyes penetrating the sands of time.

I’m that first bite of a gorgeous apple you realize is rotten.

I am a golden morning that involves the first cereal I grab that was five unbelievable months overdue.

So essentially, I’m an alley cat with a measly eight lives left and a bruised ego you can feel all the way in your heart.

I’m an ancient computer that loves the overpowering smell of Windex and a sudden burst of fresh air from a window that was here before my parents.

I’m the overwhelming smell of coffee black as death and the once revolting now pleasant  smell of mushrooms before a Bears game.

I’m Ree Drummond’s voice, Kelly Ripa’s smile, and Anderson Cooper’s stare; multiple personalities are right up my alley.

I’m six brightly colored Spongbob balloons popping.

I’m my baby cousin’s 6th birthday party, the warmth of the broken air conditioning could never ruin his everlasting smile, and even with missing teeth it’s perfect.

I’m the one that always gets phrases thrown in my soft, smooth, and lonely face; “To nie jest teraz wazne” (“that’s not what’s important right now”).

I’m left to crawl away, the kind of crawl and creeping a prisoner makes on the way to his final resting place.

I’m exquisite, raspy cars voicing that there’s trouble a-brewing.

I’m those dreadful screeching brakes which lead me to discover the “bast***s Mercedes was a young kid like me, and now I’m petrified.

I’m Edith Grandham, a famous character whom it seems I can relate to.

I’m in the threshold tunneling forward, in between, lost in a dream.

Although, I am Edith, my judgment of intense emotions is even more guarded; I have a blood hound guarding my heart right now.

I’m powerful Poland (Chicago too) but Poland is more Maria-esque and “my kind of place” (Sinatra).

I’m unforgettable, but sometimes you wish you could disregard me.

I’m a  captivating movie or music quote.

I can memorize long and short songs and movie lines, anything from Harry Potter to Will Ferrell and music that gently puts a “pair of wings on the human spirit”. (Sinatra)

I am the green face of envy, looking at all the things I can’t have; some I need like shorts for those sizzling summer days, but then others like that little black Land Rover I’m inclined to pursue until I get it.

I’m learning to use the table saw and carrying the twelve foot ladder myself.

I’m a rock star painter, but stripping screws is my specialty.

I’m only as strong, valiant, and self- controlled as I believe I can be.

I’m the look on people’s faces when everyone comes together, as a family, in crew – we

Create something just short of pure magic on stage.

I’m an ordinary book that takes you to extraordinary heights.

I’m buttery popcorn and two kernels away from a coronary.

I’m wet nails once forced on me by my superiors, now I adore them.

I’m an Oreo McFlurry, a cherry Jolly Rancher, Belgium waffles and a broken heart.

I’m a luscious, melting grilled cheese sandwich, pierogi, gourmet soup from Panera.

I’m People’s Court and Big Bang Theory, and the ten o’clock news to finish.

But Mostly I’m Maria.

I’m completely random and sometimes nerve wrecking.

I am what I want to be and no one or anything else.

I’m appreciating things while you still can.

I’m the accumulation of a gradual but destructive overload.

I’m a rare gem, but a common name.

I’m Sleeping Beauty trapped in a deep sleep – lost in time. Lost in time, which begs the question, can you find me?