Still burning

Standard

Agony pain burning fires
In my brain
In my body
In my heart
I can’t put the fire out
Water doesn’t work
I thought I could drown it in tears

But that increases the flames

Like my tears are gasoline
I thought I could suffocate it
With my sweater
But instead
It suffocates me.
Smoke, fire, flames bursting through my heart.
Suddenly a dangerous explosion
My heart’s a million tiny pieces
Shattered, scattered
I finally put the fire out
Superhuman strength appears

I say no more as the music blares
Strong resolve to survive
but the damage of the fire
It is overwhelming
It’s burning pain I can still feel
The shock of the smoke
Collapses my lungs
The sadness of joy turned into sparks
Sparks of absolute agony
The fire was uninviting torture

Torture and hell
Truly it was the deepest level of hell
I felt pain in places I didn’t know I could
Now the charred remains will get off this train
After class
After talking to Ethan
After help from Heidi
After wisdom from Janet and Glendalyn
After tea with Bella
I walk to go shower
My charred self
Recovering what I can
Abandoning the rest
And recalling how high the flames got

And praying that no one can hurt me that deeply again…
Knowing they could.
Off to shower, drink coffee and pretend everything is fine.
Until it is.

A few days have past but pain is raw

I invite love, I fear love

Was it ever love at all? Is a one sided one, love at all?

Until then, the fire is out, but I still ache from the flames.

My heart is ruptured and I want to heal.

I listen to the music, and I begin.

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