The clearing

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Broken a bit

Actually a lot, I’ll admit

I try my very best

On my daring quest

For so much more

So I stare

Off over there

Off in the distance

I see something that changes everything

There’s a distant clearing

Through the desolate darkness

I start slowly peering

And I see it

What I’ve searched my entire life for

The light

The future

Love

Hope

Wonder

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Over and over again

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I feel completely stuck

My life run amuck

So I play one song

And I sing along

Until the pain is truly gone

But is it?

No, so instead

The song plays on my phone

And in my head

I’m trying to let the music heal

I want my dad heart to feel

Happy again

Try as I may

To my great dismay

It’s not working this time

So I accept the now

Accept the pain

And I play it

Over and over again

Coldest winter

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Literally it is very cold

It’s frigid actually

The sight is something to behold

My heart is ice too, solid rock

And I try everything I can to warm it up

I desperately try music and to be with my friend

I feel like it’s freezing more and without end

I try laughter, movies, prayer

I try food and to deeply stare

Into calm nature

I try books, hikes, working out

I try everything to get my heart moving about

Before it becomes so cold from sadness that it just shatters

I don’t know if I can find all that shards

If it really explodes

“Sometimes we feel like we want to disappear, but what we really want is to be found.”

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Ever since I started talking to

You

I want to suddenly be found

Ever since I found your break taking poetry

Scattered across my screen

I’ve found peace

Ever since I’ve seen your stunning paintings, raw and intense

I’ve found calm

I don’t know much about you really

But through your various art I feel that in some tiny way that I do

Your piercing, beautiful blue eyes see right into my soul, or so I feel

How can any of this be real?

Until a few days ago I wanted to be lost

But although I’m in pain

Reflection of it

With you not just hearing me but really listening, really diving into meanings

I began to explore myself even more

It’s communication with you

That I adore

It’s hoping I can can see you paint and create those stunning strokes

And watch your imagination soar

I hope we can continue to do so

And maybe one day more

One day meet

To talk, to hear each other speak

As to not disappear without meaning but to find it by being found

Bookends

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I cry far too much

My face swollen with tears

My heart throbbing with hurt

You cannot cry and so

You envy me

And I don’t know why

But I want to know what hurts you

What deeply harms your soul

I want to help you feel okay, make you feel whole

I want to know what scares you

I want to help chase your fears far away

Why you can’t cry

Why I cry way to much

And yes, crying occasionally is helpful

Crying to much is truly not

As you point out

“I guess we are bookends”

Ode to Crying

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This is an ode to crying, like in the blazing sun
In a world where
Emotions are a mask for
The true one

While sadness is
Hard to diagnose,
Even though you can feel it in your bones
Thanks crying for being an obvious red flag

That something’s wrong
Out of place
Lost for a while
Or perhaps lost in time or space

Crying, you show courage
Even though you are humiliated, mocked
Keep on crying
Give it all you’ve got
Bottle it up, and then explode
For when people
Go into a lasting shock

Thank you crying for your
Salty appeal
For the wounds
You rip open,
Close shut, and miraculously heal.

Everyone has unique cry
It is a part of them as shy as they could
About it
Weeping
Screeching
Sobbing
Bawling
Howling
Wailing
Vary from a quiet sob
To wailing eardrum crushing…

Crying is an art –
Painting a picture
For the dumb, oblivious,
And the smart
That she loved him from the start
Now she is mangled in knots,
Broken apart

He sees her breakdown,
Take that cell phone
Aqua razor
And break it to bits
Like hitting it with a tazer
But she just flung it against the wall
Creating a sound of breaking metal
And an expression on the fall
The fall on this face

It ends now he decides
They reside each alone
The sadness in her heart
Now presides in his too

That’s what crying can do,
Bring out the best or worse in you

Crying you’ve teamed up with shaking
And lost contact with privacy
I have a bruise the shape of a baseball
From shaking and crying,
I expect an apology from you

But weeping, crying
When I can’t stop
Starting to burst, pop
Then you’ve gone too far.
I know I have to paint the picture
But break eardrums to, sounds like someone
Just lacerated and murdered my soul.

That’s something we could work
On me and you
Less crying,
More laughing?