Brush it off, and recall – These poems, these memories

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These poems these memories
They boil up with me
Sending me nostalgically
Into what I want to be
Blending words like chemistry
Expressing my life into an expository
Talking about things
Talking about flying with my pair of wings
Talking about new beginnings
Old endings
The reals and the pretend endings
Talking about acting like yourself
Not like anyone else
I dive off the edge
I smash into the ledge
I brush off the pain
I look for whom to blame
And someone who can tame
The wild within me
Before I turn this into the never-ending story
I’ll sign off, still seeking eternal glory!

The boy is philosophy

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Grinning from ear to ear
It’s just your voice I hear
I look at you and cannot cease
Your smile soft, full of peace
There is so much that I can’t say
Instead I stare at you kinda sideways
We always discuss things before class
My mind just shatters like glass cuz
I know unless I make a move
We will never have a chance
At some overrated not understood
Version of romance so
I smile back and hope that
You break your vow
Of silence and continue your advance towards me
I waiting now
You eyes they sparkle
Like frost and glitter
So I will write bad poetry
And fantasize about being carried in your arms
Until the 12th of December you have
When term ends
Good Luck

Risk

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simply soaking it all in
slowly sensing much
timidly tension builds
begging only for your touch
dancing divinly unaware
that all the things you two may share
must come to a bitter end
you’ve known it all along my friend
that between the love that runs through your veins
is something else constricts, constrains
sometimes you jump and assume you’ll be caught
when it isn’t at all like that, is it not?

Naked trees embrace the shiver

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Naked trees stand and slightly then aggressively shiver

Bare branches despair and shake in the unforgiving winds

Nature is not embarrassed

Nature embraces the shiver up its spine

The sun gazes at the world as I walk through it

I carefully follow the path

Across the neighborhood

Short but sweet my travels

As the snow melts away

Bringing with it a new day

I wonder about how close spring is

As I smell the ground warming up and witness

The tiny birds emerging

Nature’s sign of the times

Desire’s got a reckless hold on me

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Dripping of desire

Desire of so much more

Desire of my own life

Desire of a great job

Desire of true love and lust

Desire of perspiring until I lose the weight

Desire of the 10k race

Desire off all my goals

One day at a time

Desire

Dripping desire

Of reckless hope

Reckless hold on me

Desire’s got a reckless hold on me

Watch the prisms spin

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Spinning thoughts

Envelope my mind

Hard pressed to think

Of rational thoughts

I think of dancing prisms

I think of a different time

I think of a different place

Spinning thoughts

Envelope my mind

Hard pressed to think

So I enjoy today

I make coffee, read my book, watch shameless, thank God for my blessing

And watch the prisms spin

Just a little while longer

Ice, then – Metamorphosis

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It swallowed me
Half of me hates all I am
Hates all that I have become
Who am I?
What happened?
I fell through the ice
Thinner
Until it cracked
I almost drowned
And then hypothermia came knocking
Now,
I just thread water
I just get by
I DON’T WANT TO JUST GET BY
It is only a matter of time before
I fall through the ice again
This time
I know
I’m ready
I won’t fall through
I will be just fine
Getting by
Then I will
Pick up
Move away
Shadow and now
A ghost later
New life
That means more than getting by
So much more
I emerge from the ice
Like a phoenix from the ashes
I am changed

Torn an ugly hole in my soul, why did you?

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I wish I never came here
The irony – I was invited, hand picked for this purgatory I burned in
The smell of sawdust still haunts me
You, the teasing and the whispers
The names you called me when I was not around
A stab in an old wound hurts worse
I came back every single day
A life you could not kill
Air, full of life, Stupid so stupid
I, a fool, came to build sets and befriend you
You tore an ugly hole in my soul
I cried a small river
Not realizing that everyone was my enemy
The same
No one ever once
Stood up and sat that’s enough
You just left me with all the work
While you basked in the glow of the top positions
I was an abused, malnourished, kicked puppy
Who never left the theater that was my beloved
I cut the wood, I measured, I swept, I sorted, and I carried the 16 foot ladder
On my own. I painted. I took apart the stage pieces.
Why did you have to be so evil to only me?
Why was only I the subject of your cruel and usual punishment?
Why did you have to set my life on fire?
Was not my being your slave enough?

It commands me no more.

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I want to take it
Away from your hand
That power only you have over me
It’s one I can’t stand
I want to take it
And twist it and turn it
Take it deep in the woods and burn it
I want to stop feeding your powers
With a beaming smile and joking conversation
I want to take away your smile’s sensation
I think I’ll bend it
Reverse it to you
So that way you’ll feel it
You’ll love me
The way I love you
I mean,
If it can’t be destroyed
I wish it changes its spell
The powers of heaven and hell
Clash before my eyes
My only prize
Is knowing I’ll see you again
But this is a double ended sword
The other end is your powers
Your purple pixie dust
That activates when our eyes meet
It’s the best pleasure in my life
And the worst torment at the same time
A paradox – that’s your true power
You have my in rapture one moment
Then captured by tears the next
Unable to breath, swallow, or move.
I want to take it, shatter and break it
There. Now it is done.
Now, It commands me no more.