I explain to myself so many times
I won’t miss you anymore
Gotta let go sometime
But since I told myself some many times
And specifically, I wouldn’t miss you
All I have wanted to do since that time
Is kiss you…
When I told myself 1000 times before
I won’t miss you.
I thought telling myself so many times
This one white lie was acceptable, then became smudged with tears
Because trying to not miss you anymore
Is like giving up food or breathing!
I lost count how many lies I told myself.
But now an aged snapshot
Brings the tears blowing back.
That most painful day
Wearing a dress and mask but no one knows
What’s behind it, not even me.
When I told myself an infinite amount of times
I simply won’t miss you
I will dismiss you from my life,
Instead this year,
I told myself so many times to avoid
For that will lead to forgetting you entirely;
You can’t miss someone you don’t remember
But this too was in vain
There are no short cuts, no way to invent a cure for one-sided love.
For telling myself so many times
I won’t miss you was a colossal lie.
Missing you I’ve run my tears dry.
Friendship is maintainable.
But love not attainable
Because I said I won’t miss you
Someone else received your devotion
She gets all the things
Because in trying not to miss your presence
I missed your courtship.
Perhaps the biggest mistake in my life was never telling
You that I simply cannot go a day without thinking about
How amazing we could be.
Instead unfinished sketches of tomorrow sit at my desk tonight.
Of the things I thought of you and the things you think of me
All because I tried to fog you out.
I fell even more deeply in
Now, I think I’ll try being around you without
Giving it all away,
Besides if you loved me
You would have done something about it
Somewhere along the way.
I will still always have a place for you, for missing you
For how even though you tear my life neatly apart,
Your existence is embedded somewhere deep in my heart.