With the Option to not Merely Exist, but to Live

Standard

Every Day
Is a special occasion
To put on your best dress
Your best shirt
Your best shoes
Forget the blues
You choose
Every day
Only occurs once
Race through the field
Lay in them
Take in the sweet air
For once today is over
You can’t have it back
You must sweat, suffer, and curl up into a ball
Or
You must throw that all out
With the Option to not merely exist, but to live

It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood Review

Standard

Have you ever felt a happy glow of joy in your soul? Perhaps a kiss or a special moment caused that glow of joy in your soul to occur. A giant glow of joy in my soul descended upon my soul during and at the conclusion of It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, a true story of a troubled man who was able to heal with the help of the wondrous Mister Rodgers whom he was asked to interview on a story about heroes. It’s hauntingly beautiful the way Fred Rodgers teachers Lloyd to cope with his feelings, and I believe we all need someone in our lives to help us in this way. Watching this film caused time to stop for me. I was transported into a new world of both joy and pain, and I learned how joy helps conquer pain and how grief is a natural yet difficult part of life. Fred Rodgers swims, prays, writes letters, in order to cope with death, divorce, and war- because “it gets dark” as Lloyd says. The task of learning how to cope with pain and strife and turn our life into the best possible thing it could be is the lesson of this film. “Sometimes, just sometimes we get to change a broken world with our words.” That is what Lloyd states and is also able to do with his words as he is assigned an article on heroes and Mister Rodgers is chosen. We witness the life of Lloyd and the life of Mister Rodgers unfold and become interwoven until it creates this warm quilt of love.

Are you happy is a good question that this movie poses and both men spend the movie on a journey to seek happiness in a sometimes cruel, cold world. “Oh God, Lloyd please don’t ruin my childhood,” Lloyd’s wife says when referring to the piece he is writing about heroes, and he writes something that charms the entire nation and touches hearts. During the interview, Mister Rodgers says “When I focus into in that camera I try to speak to a single child at a time and focus on their needs”. One of the needs is met when Mister Rodgers says “Do you know what that means to forgive? It means to release a person from the anger we feel. Sometimes it’s the hardest to forgive someone we love.” Mister Rodgers is leading a lesson on forgiveness, one we could all learn from. Fred Rodgers tells Lloyd and the audience this to try in an effort to reach into Lloyd’s pain and attempt to help him heal. The interview continues with: “What brought you back to the show?” Lloyd asks mister Rodgers. “I realized that there was still so much to talk about,” Mister Rodgers says, and follows that up by saying. “If we could through television programs and all other programs show that everyone is precious” It gets personal when he says to Lloyd after breaking down the walls he put up, “I’m sure if she saw you today the person you became, she would be so proud.” Fred is talking to Lloyd about his deceased mother.

“A hospital is where you go when your body is hurt, but where do you go when your feelings are hurt?” is a question posed by Mister Rodgers. I think the answer to that poignant question is Turning Point, and I would also add that’s where you go when your mind hurts, because I know mine does sometimes. The scene where Lloyd’s father Jerry is in his apartment and Lloyd is frozen in anger broke my heart after Lloyd’s dad said “I may never come back here” Lloyd’s father begins trying to ask for forgiveness, but then he collapses and everything goes in slow motion. Lloyd and his wife are staying with Lloyd’s dying father. It’s the silent calm sadness that washes over me and I watch Lloyd staring off and thinking about all the things in his life – past, present, and future all at once while he feeds the newborn child he has. “I like you as you are, exactly as you are. Exactly and precisely as you are no doubt or question,” is the most beautiful soothing lullaby I have ever heard, as Lloyd sings to Gavin.

Then the theme of forgiveness comes full circle as Lloyd’s father asked Lloyd to forgive him for leaving him and his sister and his mother was dying. The theater grew silent and I gasped. And then I heard those beautiful three words that a human can say to another and caused that glow of their soul – I love you. Lloyd’s article about Mister Rodgers, his interaction with him changed his trajectory in life. Then Mister Rodgers visits Lloyd and his dying father and that when tears began rolling down my cheek, because for that moment in that theater on that screen my faith in humanity was restored. Thank you, Tom Hanks, for recreation of a beloved character and absolutely made in a beautiful day in the neighborhood for all who experience and will experience this film. “Fame is a four-letter word like tape or face. It’s what you do with it that matters” – Tom Hanks and Mister Rodgers never let fame get to their heads and that is absolutely incredible feat to accomplish, to be humble and when given a platform to speak to make sure that you reach the most vulnerable people, children. I also learned that “death is sometimes we fear but it is human and anything human is manageable”, is something Fred Rodgers shares. Lloyd talks about himself as being a part of a group of broken people. “I don’t think you are broken – you are a man of conviction a man who knows what is wrong and what is right and know that your father helped shape those convictions and helped shape who you are” is what he says, allowing Lloyd a deeper connection and some much needed closure. As Mister Rodgers drives off, Lloyd does the sign language for friends that he was taught and as Mister Rodgers drives away, he drives straight into my heart as he truly embodies what it means to be a hero, true to the article that Lloyd wrote. “If you think of him as a saint that his way of being is unattainable”- Joan Rodgers says of her husband. In a way Mister Rodgers was a saint, but he was human and was capable of deep love and understanding which he spread through the world through his television show, and the joy he brought to so many was captured brilliantly in this film. Thank you for this precious gift you have given the world. As Mister Rodgers said “it’s such a good feeling to be alive” and this movie gave me an incredible rush of feeling alive.

Love’s First Kiss

Standard

I fell so hard
Caught completely off guard
The harder I fell
The deeper the spell

I am tumbling
My fingers are fumbling
Grasping at the air
As I stare
Unaware of what happens next

When we made cookies
You were so near to me
Your mischievous smile I could see
My heart then filled with glee

The more time we spend together
My feelings grow
And now you know
What happens going forward
Is yet to be seen
And I hope that I am not remiss
To hope for what could be Love’s first kiss

Silhouette

Standard

Cold winter shivers
Heat radiated within my soul,
Soul collided with millions of breaths
Mind racing
Heart Pounded
We inched closer

As our lips met
The moon cast a silhouette
A shallow attempt, a deeper breath
Coming up for air your beautiful eyes glisten
I listen
Wind blowing my hair
You push it gently out of my face

As we unite for one last kiss goodnight
The barrier between my heart and yours opens
Words crumble from my mouth
We don’t need them for right now
Holding your shocks my senses
No more needed defenses
I can hardly believe this moment
A warm glow ignites my entire being
How lovely is the night…

The Christmas Suitcase

Standard

The spellbinding suitcase
Appropriately scarlet in color
That splash of burgundy wine add to the allure
There was magic within
Every kind of wrapping paper was a win
Streamers and ribbon by the yard
Spill out of every corner as soon as you begin to unzip it
Being an aesthetically pleasing gift was not hard
The glitter and the satin name tags
Rolls of green and crimson and gold
Were something to behold
When I opened the zipper and peered inside
I was happy to abide by my mom’s wishes to find
The most beautiful paper
Which was a dilemma; they were all the epitome of beauty
So I closed the suit carrying what I found to be the only solution
One of everything, some silver, some gold, some green
All of it against the wall to lean
Until I venture here once more
For it’s this Christmas suitcase that I simply adore

I wrote this for you

Standard

All the times I truly loved you
All the times I openly cried for you
All the times I internally died for you
All the times I playfully danced with you
All the times I quietly romanced with you
All the profound hope deep in my heart
All the horrific pain that tore me apart
All the pure love you gave to me
All the joy you handed me freely
All the sincerity, honesty, and kindness
You touched my soul so deeply
I don’t know whether to just smile or cry tears of ecstasy
That I am yours and you are mine
All the beautiful dreams I’ve had about you and I
All this I cannot deny
All those people in this remarkable world
All the time I am waiting to locate your being
All the time I’m trembling
Because although I haven’t met you yet
I wrote this for you.

Thoughts on The Goldfinch

Standard

The goldfinch is the most remarkable novel I have picked up in recent memory. The daunting 771 pages made it seem like I would never finish, never know what happens to Theo and perhaps more curiously, to the painting. I thought the narration in this book was what gave it its brilliance from the start. I was immediately immersed in Theo’s world and with the turn of every page enchanted by the characters and the city of New York. Theo, and his friends (and guardian) Andy, Boris, and Hobie couldn’t have been more different but were all such key characters to the story. They came and went as the author saw fit and that was the brilliance of this novel. Just like the painting “disappeared” from the museum and then reappeared after quite a journey, people appeared and reappeared in Theo’s life, fleeting moments in a coming of age story for the ages. The loss of Theo’s mother forever haunted him and I believe it caused his downward spiral. And despite his father’s behavior that loss also stunned him. I don’t know who is to blame for the unbelievable drug use in this novel, however I believe Theo and Boris used drugs to numb their minds from reality. What that left me with was Theo’s reality. Maybe I should be incredibly disturbed by this book, but Theo’s story broke my heart and I was truly hoping that he and Pippa would have a happy ending. However, I have heard from someone wise, that sometimes people with jagged edges cut each other until they both shatter. Therefore, The was no way that they could be together and Pippa makes that point herself. This novel shocked me but also made me consider how cruel life can be. I wonder only, how Theo and his life go forward after the events that unfolded in Europe and how despite his travel and unknown status of engagement, how is Theo really feeling inside?

There’s words I can’t say

Standard

There are words I can’t say and phrases I cannot otter.
So my brain clogs and fills with clutter…
I jumble thoughts and phrases into sentences.
I think therefore I am?
No, I think therefore I write.
I write therefore I am.
Furiously, passionately, maddeningly
I forge the words onto the page.
I forge clarity.
Those once jumbled, now clear words become my truth.
My truth because my essence.
My essence becomes my reality,
And it’s my reality that erupts into my being.

Ode to Football with my Dad

Standard

Oh football with my dad
Makes me smile just
Think about it, so glad
The two teams fighting
For eternal glory
Each individual team has a story
The Bears have
Made the comeback of
The century, and the
Play of the millennium
My body no longer tame
We jump up and down
We scream and dance around
Lights and more screams
Like aftershocks
Whiffing aftershave and
Hearing broken English
But I wouldn’t have it any other way
Sitting on the couch
Analyzing plays
Wondering if his bad passing is merely a phase
Hot, fresh pizza
Green, glowing jello
Glass after glass of Coca Cola
The Couch is sleep Soothing
But I’m wide awake my team’s reputation
At stake
How many more
Turnovers can I take?
I saw my first safety ever,
But something else
Takes the cake
Spending time with my dad, seeing passion
In his blue eyes
I love him more than
Life itself, my smile is proof
Ode to football with
My dad – you, dad, made me
Motivated, sharp, a good
Debater, analyzer, captivated,
Focused and determined
You gave me my voice of skepticism and passion
To go 4th and goal
Causes an interception
Run 108 yards back
Beautiful deception
Touchdown for us
Game is secured
Till next week
Ode to football with my dad
To the next game, and the hundreds after.