Love will win

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Words cannot come out

Even though I have no doubt

How much I love you

It’s true

I am not plagued by doubt

I’m plagued by fear

Fear of losing you

Fear of no knowing what to do

Fear because I know it’s true

That you love me and I love you

I’m startled by how quickly friendship turned to like

And like turned to love

I know people will doubt

I know they won’t believe me at all

In the past I’ve put up an enormous wall

So tall that no one could climb through

Until the day that I met you

Now I feel the love in your touch and kiss

When we aren’t together it’s that feeling I miss

I miss the way you smile

The one I would walk a mile just to see

Your beautiful eyes staring back at me

I do surrender

I do give in

Because it happened now

Despite my qualms

Love will win

…And your Love is what Lingers…

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I feel horrific and sudden pain

Shooting daggers throughout my brain

It feels as if I am absolutely insane

Except I know that I am not

So I spot my headphones

And I put them on quickly

I scroll through my music swiftly

The daggers stab me over and over again

I don’t know when

When will it end

I’ve had this condition for so long

So because nothing helps I turn on a song

And when the piano and cello starts

I immediately fall apart more

Because it’s too beautiful

So I search again for a tune

To calm me down as I stare at the disappearing moon

I find something that will soothe me

And I listen to it quietly

It relaxes my wild mind

And calms my shaken nerves

Something I think I deserve

16 years of fighting to feel not sick

If I had the magic potion to cure me

I’d drink it up quick

Instead I cope, I deal

Sometimes I wonder if any of it’s real

Then I remember that soon today

My love and I will be together and I say

Everything will be okay

Because despite the illness that rages in my mind

Despite the doctors

Despite the medication

Despite side effects

Despite indifference

Despite sweating all night

Despite the anxiety, the fear

Despite the feeling utterly lost sometimes

Despite it all

When you stroke my hand slowly with you soft finger

When you tell me sweet things and smile at me, demonstrating in many ways how much you care

When you tell me “I choose you”

When you kiss me and my heart melts

All the pain goes away

And your love is what lingers

And as long as I’m with you

Which hopefully is forever

We can forget our suffering

Our different but similar pain

And remember that

Love cures all wounds

And I feel that so deeply in my heart

Whenever you are next to me

That’s where you belong

And I hope

That’s always where you’ll be

The Calm Shadows of the Morning

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When I awake, I find great joy in the calm shadows of the morning
I shower quickly, swiftly after I take my medicine
I feel calmer now, lightly somehow
I listen to music: to classical, to BTS, to Michael Bublé, to Ruelle,
To Linkin Park, to Andrea Bocelli, to Piano Guys, to Eminem, to Kasey Musgraves,
To Lewis Capaldi, to Taylor Swift, to Shawn Mendes, to Enrique Iglesias,
To Jacob Lee, to Dashboard Confessional, to Hinder, to Echosmith
To Ben Platt, To Panic! At the Disco and many, many more
Every morning my mind has different musical numbers in store
After I listen to things songs
Then my mind can get along
With the feelings I feel
And the things I think
With the water I sip
And the coffee I drink
After I have appreciated all these songs
Holding back the urge to sing along
I throw on a coat and I go
Braving the weather –
Cold, Hot, Ice, Snow…
Whatever it is away I go
On my journey for fresh air
My body, mind and soul say thank you once I return
After each day of this, one thing I learn
Self-care and being self-aware is what I need
And I have it down to a science indeed =)

Incredibly, Undeniably True

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All I can say with every fiber of my being

From the depths of my soul

And while I’m not ready to say it to you, it’s true

I’m falling madly, deeply in love with you

Upon this I dwell

You have cast a spell

Bewitched my mind

Captivated my soul

And stolen my heart

It’s yours to keep now

And keep safe for me

As our lives intertwine majestically

You make me feel

Like anything is possible

And one day I will tell you everything

How you make my heart sing

And just know this is true

You’re the only man for me

And I cannot wait to see you

Until then it’s little messages here and there

That I read over and over

I will declare soon to you and they are incredibly, undeniably true

These three words…

I love you

My prince

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A chariot (your car) awaits as I step out the door

You open my door, make sure I have my seatbelt and off we go

You drive slowly, carefully through the snow

We head to dinner and a movie now

I’m sitting in your car wondering how

How did I get so lucky with a man like you?

A man that is kind, understanding, caring and makes me dreams come true

The day is effortless, the day is fun

We laugh and joke until the day is done

When we saw the movie you held my hand

And stroked my finger gently

It felt like heaven please help me

To understand this

How after all this searching and hoping we shared a goodnight kiss

I stepped out of you car and realized this

I am your princess and you are my prince

You care for me in every way

In your arms I’ll forever stay

Until the next time we meet once more

I can only imagine what life has in store for two people falling head over heels

I hope you sleep well and I will too

And one day all our dreams will come true

Because when I’m near you, it’s a Fairytale

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Holding your hand as the piano plays

Has my world in a daze

We then walk through the world together

Braving the chilly, windy weather

We talking openly about how we feel

Slowly but surely it feels real

At the end of the night I would be remiss

If I do not mention our passionate kiss

Then you drove away and I stood, headed inside

But everything I could ever need to heal my heart and love again

Only you can provide

Your smile melts me heart

My brain is torn apart with thought

I don’t mind feeling like I’m in a dream

Because when I’m near you, it’s a fairytale

I’m going to bottle up every moment we spend together

And when I have a storm to weather

I know in my heart of hearts

You are there for me

Two Times Goodnight

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Before my dreams take flight
I put on my comfy pajamas and say goodnight
Then I ponder over my journal
Fragments in my mind
Behind all my emotions are
Fluttering eyes shutting, too tired to compose
I sigh
I come out again
Sip some water,
And then say goodnight again
It’s my evening ritual
To ensure that I say it
That they know I love them
That I know they are okay
That I know everyone has everything they need
That I see them all smile and rejoice that sleep is coming
That I know my mind can drift into slumber
Not once, But two times goodnight

My Poetic Defense

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My heart is full of deep, profound emotions
So immense
So intense
All I can do is furiously type on this keyboard
All I can do is remember the feeling of your hand in mind
All I can do is wait for the next time I see you
You told me things
You told me “I miss you”
You told me “You mean the world to me”
You told me “I choose you”
These things are causing my heart to implode
And then explode
Never as any man been so kind to me
Treated me with so much respect and dignity
So instead of professing all of my feelings to you
My actions are the words on this page
My emotions gauge this –
I feel that I am falling so hard I can barely stand
So here we are in my written recompense
For being afraid to tell you everything
This is my way of announcing you mean everything to me:
My poetic defense