A quote to remind everyone during this pandemic that there is hope

Standard

“I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.”

― Samwise Gamgee

Please everyone – in this time of great peril and the great unknown of what is ahead. Listen to the scientists and doctors warnings. Learn from the mistakes we have already seen. No one ever saw something of this magnitude coming, but it is here and experts say the worst is yet to come. Check on loved ones. Check on your neighbors. Practice kindness. Practice Social Distancing. Wash your hands frequently. Don’t touch your face. Cover your cough. If you experience symptoms call your doctor. Help us flatten the curve by staying home. Don’t sacrifice your safety, those you many live with, or anyone else by acting recklessly. We cannot afford it. Please find things to do around the house to pass the time. Read a book, watch a movie, check your entire pantry for expired food, write in a journal, do yoga, go for a walk in your neighborhood, listen to music,play board games, play video games, clean out your closet, and bake and cook like never before. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Remember that because right now we are inside the tunnel.

My Poetic Defense

Standard

My heart is full of deep, profound emotions
So immense
So intense
All I can do is furiously type on this keyboard
All I can do is remember the feeling of your hand in mind
All I can do is wait for the next time I see you
You told me things
You told me “I miss you”
You told me “You mean the world to me”
You told me “I choose you”
These things are causing my heart to implode
And then explode
Never as any man been so kind to me
Treated me with so much respect and dignity
So instead of professing all of my feelings to you
My actions are the words on this page
My emotions gauge this –
I feel that I am falling so hard I can barely stand
So here we are in my written recompense
For being afraid to tell you everything
This is my way of announcing you mean everything to me:
My poetic defense

Dreams. They Never Retire.

Standard

Dreams. Some of us have them. Some of us do not. Sometimes. All the time. Somewhere and everywhere. There are sometimes built over time with posters in bed rooms, movies running in our minds, and hope in our hearts. As with some movies, these can take unexpected and sometimes unfortunate turns. Because sometimes we get sick. We forfeit the championship game before the try-outs even start. We hang up our soccer shoes and remember things like the nick names we got while we attempted to fulfill them. Bruiser was my nickname and a part of my dream. Soccer was my sport, defense was my position. Then after eighth grade I got sick, and sophomore year called for no more P.E. period for me. Funny how some dreams bring other ones into light. The dream to create. Write. Compose. To be part of something bigger than yourself. To change views. How to be humble. My junior year I stepped into this new world and new dreams were pressed on fast forward. Dreams. You never really forget your dreams. To be a writer, runner, and Lover. They stay with you as you complete your morning jog, your bacon cheese burger, your chores, your romantic dinner, your fight with your roommate. As much as you try to alienate yourself from them. They call to you. To be social was another dream I never fully held on to but my bubbly personality came through and I have wonderful friends. Love, it seemed to always be slipping from my grasp when finally it seemed it had never existed. Perhaps this is the year. Now on the in-betweens, I’m trying to envision new dreams. Not to replace old ones. To be a smile now. You see funny thing about dreams. They never retire.

Secret

Standard

Secret
My secret
Mine to share
Mine to keep
Mine to hold on to
Mine to let go of
The problem is this
The paradox
Sharing the secret will free me
The weight of silence will choke me
The problem is this you see
My secret is deep in a cage
And I have lost the key
And I don’t know
If I am ready
To let the secret escape out into the world
I am not prepared for the fallout
Maybe there will be none.
Maybe
Secret
My secret
Mine to keep
Mine to share
Mine to grasp with my grip
Or mine to release to let it slip

When the Soul Cries

Standard

It’s is the body really omitting all the tears, at first

It’s shaking violently, sobbing

It’s a deep puncturing cry that the soul feels and reacts to

The soul squirms at first, it cannot handle the pain the body feels.

The soul in its wisdom tries to comfort the body, doing everything it can to relax the body, stop the agony.

It calms it strokes the body trying to make the pain flow away.

It does not always work and chaos ensues.

So the soul begins to cry along lacking in its comfort, causing the cry

To be an entire other level of pain, hurt, despondence.

The pain becomes unbearable as the body and soul are both under attack at the same moment.

It’s upsetting and when it finally ends

The soul now has a deep mark

One that over time heals, sometimes…

Love at First Sight

Standard

One cool day in October I messaged him
He replied swiftly the following day
We connected in a profound way
That to this day I can’t seem to find again
It was when we shared our stories of happiness, loss, and pain
There were all sorts of thoughts pouring through the edges of my brain
Deep inside the layers my soul collided
With the words he’d spoken
With deep tenderness provided
He would always end with a sweet goodnight
And I have never slept better, pure delight
In November we agreed to meet
He texted, “I’m outside” and my heart began to beat
It began to thud around in my chest so fast
I stepped out into the street,
Doing my best
To keep myself together
As he stepped out to greet me
My vision was flooded with everything in the entire world at that moment that mattered –
Him
His beautiful eyes, His crooked smile, his hair tousled in the wind
Suddenly, I felt what could only be described
As the most incredible sensation of joy, vigor, hope, and awe
I walked towards him and we embraced
And that feeling kept pulsing through me
Filling me with this out of control emotion I hadn’t experienced yet
And although we never met before
I knew that very cold November night
That what had occurred to me
Was the utter beauty of love at first sight

Late at morning or early at night

Standard

Sometimes it hurts just to speak
Sometimes it hurts just to think
Sometimes it hurts just to utter words

Because it’s been so long
Since I had free reign
And now that I’ll applying to jobs
And interviewing
And rhyming
And joking with guys
And eating large cheese fries
I devise a plan
Shop til I drop

But sometimes
Late at morning or early at night
I ponder and wonder
What do I want?

Broken static: Will you change your mind?

Standard

The want of you
The constant swarming thoughts of you
The warming of my heart when you laugh
The warmth of your words
Washing over me

It
It rotated inside me
It rolled and rolled
It verged on too much

But once I asked you
Once I was honest with myself
And you in turn were honest with me
The static inside my brain burst

And the thoughts that followed
Swam through my mind
All night long

I like you
And you like me
But I like like you
And you just like me

Will you change your mind?
You make my waiting feel shorter
But should I do that?
Should I wait?

Unravelling because I’m at arms length

Standard

You hold me at arms length
Not letting me in
I hurt you more then once
Not aware of my destruction
Until you told me fully
I wonder
Can you keep me close
Can you love me most?
I crave your good mornings
And your good nights
But I get occasional hellos
We talk like we barely know each other
Slowly things inside me start to unravel
Slowly things inside me shatter
When you explain how unwanted you felt
When I left you
I try to explain I was scared
I try to to rationalize my actions
But you deserve so much more
You say trusting me will take time
I should be happy you are giving me a chance
But I rupture
Because I miss us
I know you guard your heart
I know you want space
I know it’s my fault
But inside my brain, there are chemicals
And they won’t fade
I hope you can forgive me
Because it feels so hallow so numb
Without you