Secret

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Secret
My secret
Mine to share
Mine to keep
Mine to hold on to
Mine to let go of
The problem is this
The paradox
Sharing the secret will free me
The weight of silence will choke me
The problem is this you see
My secret is deep in a cage
And I have lost the key
And I don’t know
If I am ready
To let the secret escape out into the world
I am not prepared for the fallout
Maybe there will be none.
Maybe
Secret
My secret
Mine to keep
Mine to share
Mine to grasp with my grip
Or mine to release to let it slip

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When the Soul Cries

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It’s is the body really omitting all the tears, at first

It’s shaking violently, sobbing

It’s a deep puncturing cry that the soul feels and reacts to

The soul squirms at first, it cannot handle the pain the body feels.

The soul in its wisdom tries to comfort the body, doing everything it can to relax the body, stop the agony.

It calms it strokes the body trying to make the pain flow away.

It does not always work and chaos ensues.

So the soul begins to cry along lacking in its comfort, causing the cry

To be an entire other level of pain, hurt, despondence.

The pain becomes unbearable as the body and soul are both under attack at the same moment.

It’s upsetting and when it finally ends

The soul now has a deep mark

One that over time heals, sometimes…

Love at First Sight

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One cool day in October I messaged him
He replied swiftly the following day
We connected in a profound way
That to this day I can’t seem to find again
It was when we shared our stories of happiness, loss, and pain
There were all sorts of thoughts pouring through the edges of my brain
Deep inside the layers my soul collided
With the words he’d spoken
With deep tenderness provided
He would always end with a sweet goodnight
And I have never slept better, pure delight
In November we agreed to meet
He texted, “I’m outside” and my heart began to beat
It began to thud around in my chest so fast
I stepped out into the street,
Doing my best
To keep myself together
As he stepped out to greet me
My vision was flooded with everything in the entire world at that moment that mattered –
Him
His beautiful eyes, His crooked smile, his hair tousled in the wind
Suddenly, I felt what could only be described
As the most incredible sensation of joy, vigor, hope, and awe
I walked towards him and we embraced
And that feeling kept pulsing through me
Filling me with this out of control emotion I hadn’t experienced yet
And although we never met before
I knew that very cold November night
That what had occurred to me
Was the utter beauty of love at first sight

Late at morning or early at night

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Sometimes it hurts just to speak
Sometimes it hurts just to think
Sometimes it hurts just to utter words

Because it’s been so long
Since I had free reign
And now that I’ll applying to jobs
And interviewing
And rhyming
And joking with guys
And eating large cheese fries
I devise a plan
Shop til I drop

But sometimes
Late at morning or early at night
I ponder and wonder
What do I want?

Broken static: Will you change your mind?

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The want of you
The constant swarming thoughts of you
The warming of my heart when you laugh
The warmth of your words
Washing over me

It
It rotated inside me
It rolled and rolled
It verged on too much

But once I asked you
Once I was honest with myself
And you in turn were honest with me
The static inside my brain burst

And the thoughts that followed
Swam through my mind
All night long

I like you
And you like me
But I like like you
And you just like me

Will you change your mind?
You make my waiting feel shorter
But should I do that?
Should I wait?

Unravelling because I’m at arms length

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You hold me at arms length
Not letting me in
I hurt you more then once
Not aware of my destruction
Until you told me fully
I wonder
Can you keep me close
Can you love me most?
I crave your good mornings
And your good nights
But I get occasional hellos
We talk like we barely know each other
Slowly things inside me start to unravel
Slowly things inside me shatter
When you explain how unwanted you felt
When I left you
I try to explain I was scared
I try to to rationalize my actions
But you deserve so much more
You say trusting me will take time
I should be happy you are giving me a chance
But I rupture
Because I miss us
I know you guard your heart
I know you want space
I know it’s my fault
But inside my brain, there are chemicals
And they won’t fade
I hope you can forgive me
Because it feels so hallow so numb
Without you