Wishes from my Youth

Standard

A sudden dread creeps up my spine
It no longer can align
I search in vain for what to do
When my life is so undone
I’m no longer having much fun
Going through the motions
Is making me weak
Pretending I’m content
Is making me sick
Although cold has swallowed the world
I dwell outside
I want answers
The wind brings with it clarity
The wind brings with it all I see
The wind brings change
I lay under the giant tree from my childhood
I lay a different person
A woman, no longer a little girl
I wonder what my future is
I ponder when my luck will change
And I get lost in those moments
That the little girl inside me created
And the little girl inside me
Still wants more than anything
As a little girl, I desperately fought for those things
For a job that makes me happy
For a man that makes my heart sing
For children to love
For a dog to walk
For a place of my own
For a car that hugs every curve
For a life that is mine
Troubled and happy
Delight in disorder
I fight even harder now, but I can’t seem to get there
Perhaps I should fight with the tenacity of my younger self
Young Maria believed in dreams
Young Maria believed in everything
Young Maria was blissfully happy
Perhaps I can go back in my heart
Perhaps those powerful wishes
From my youth, can rise up again