Linger

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Walking these streets
I know these streets
I know where the roads converge
I know where they meet
I walk aimlessly
I walk to the tea shop
I drink slowly
I explore
I adore
It’s after work
The city is aglow
So I take my time
Fancy clothes
Fancy cars
Everyone feels like a star
I admire dresses, scarves, and hats
I stare at pressed suits and colorful tasteful ties
I stop for an art exhibit
I glance at paintings and statues and more
My mind stirs for hours
Whether on the street
Or in the tea shop
Or the art institute
I love to take my time
Make the day sublime
Grab a dinner by the lake
A solo escape
As I do this
I make sure
To soak it all it
So carefully, cautiously
I
Linger

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It doesn’t have to end this way

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“No this is not goodbye
I swear that I’m gonna
No baby, please don’t cry
It doesn’t have to end this way…

Because when I have to think about the nights I’ll be alone
I get terrified
Please don’t say goodbye”

I want hear those words just once
Could someone want to fight for me?
Could someone actually want me?
Could someone care?

Is any of that ever going to come to fruition?

Broken

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Bloody knuckles

Broken dreams

Tears stream

I scream

But no one can hear

Not one can lend an ear

My watch smashes and breaks

How much will it take

Before I smash too?

Before it’s much more than

Bleeding knuckles

Broken dreams

When will I be okay

When will anybody love me

When will the hate stop

When will I see the top

When?

Until then

It’s bleeding knuckles

Broken dreams

Blur

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I ponder this

Something is amiss

In my head and in my heart

Something’s tearing me apart

29 and can’t find love at all

Am I cursed to sit against this wall

That I cannot break free from

My heart beats like a drum

To a somber tune

From January to June

From June to December

All I can remember is

That I’m without the other

And as another year passes

I feel it slip away from me

The grand vision of love

I used to once clearly see

Now I think we can all concur

That instead of a face, a place, a true love

Even without tears streaming

All I can see, it’s completely a

Blur

I’d rather feel pain then nothing at all…

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Grass and blood stained clothes

Attempts to compose… myself

Collapsed on the hike

Feeling so like my world is falling apart

Tossing daggers at my defenseless heart

It’s really not smart

To hike all alone

That I knew

But I thought fresh air would help me to stop feeling blue

Instead

The wounds make me feel like my body’s on fire

At least I can aspire to feel something

Even if it’s agony

I feel something instead of numb

And that’s good enough for me