When the Soul Cries


It’s is the body really omitting all the tears, at first

It’s shaking violently, sobbing

It’s a deep puncturing cry that the soul feels and reacts to

The soul squirms at first, it cannot handle the pain the body feels.

The soul in its wisdom tries to comfort the body, doing everything it can to relax the body, stop the agony.

It calms it strokes the body trying to make the pain flow away.

It does not always work and chaos ensues.

So the soul begins to cry along lacking in its comfort, causing the cry

To be an entire other level of pain, hurt, despondence.

The pain becomes unbearable as the body and soul are both under attack at the same moment.

It’s upsetting and when it finally ends

The soul now has a deep mark

One that over time heals, sometimes…

I’ve been here all along, all alone.


Is anybody out there?

I’ve been here all along.

Spacing out
I startle
I strain to hear…

Is anybody out there?

Can you take this weight of mine?

It’s choking me.

I’m drowning with the weight of my world on my shoulders.

I’ve been here all along, all alone.



A fate worse then death
Full out abandonment
If my plans weren’t so big
If my anticipation
And jubilation
Didn’t transcend complete
One person tried but
As no man or woman is an island
It fell on deaf ears
They can’t accept me
The girl who loves to climb trees
Be wild and is sometimes hard to please
I hide everything behind a mask
A mask that shows the happiness
That is animated
The real, raw, uncut me
Sits atop a chestnut tree
And realizes
They should take the good with the bad.
People in glass houses
Shouldn’t throw a single stone
Or create and animate
A fate worse then death
A dejected, distant, shattered, sad Maria
A fate no one can condone
Only condemn
But being broken
Doesn’t mean I dissolve away
I just go back to crew
With all this knowledge thinking
Who knew phrases all day
Who knew people can be so cruel
And create a fate worse the death for a girl
Who just wanted to twirl her way to a happy ending
One that I look for in vain
It does not exist
Merely a mist of calamity
Mixed with reality
And a fate worse then bereavement
The unfortunate beginning of eternal gloom – abandonment

Torn an ugly hole in my soul, why did you?


I wish I never came here
The irony – I was invited, hand picked for this purgatory I burned in
The smell of sawdust still haunts me
You, the teasing and the whispers
The names you called me when I was not around
A stab in an old wound hurts worse
I came back every single day
A life you could not kill
Air, full of life, Stupid so stupid
I, a fool, came to build sets and befriend you
You tore an ugly hole in my soul
I cried a small river
Not realizing that everyone was my enemy
The same
No one ever once
Stood up and sat that’s enough
You just left me with all the work
While you basked in the glow of the top positions
I was an abused, malnourished, kicked puppy
Who never left the theater that was my beloved
I cut the wood, I measured, I swept, I sorted, and I carried the 16 foot ladder
On my own. I painted. I took apart the stage pieces.
Why did you have to be so evil to only me?
Why was only I the subject of your cruel and usual punishment?
Why did you have to set my life on fire?
Was not my being your slave enough?