Better Than Me

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This song, I have memorized, listening to countless times. I can relate so much to the singer. I came upon it by accident, just like I came to find a new love for a certain individual. I actually do miss his hair in my face. We never went out, but I told myself to stop missing him. But since I lie to him everyday, like at the beginning “with all the lies that I made you believe” I love the melody of the song, it speaks to me, and the guitar at the beginning draws me in. When I feel lousy, awful, and rotten this song tells a realistic tale that I appreciate to hear. I love to imagine the “box of notes” “that time at the mall.” Hinder dishes out these sweet lyrics that break me heart, because I feel the reality behind them. Sadly, my self- esteem isn’t what it used to be and sometimes I think anyone could do better than me.

Burning fires

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Agony pain burning fires

In my brain

In my body

In my heart

I can’t put the fire out

Water doesn’t work

I thought I could drown it in tears

I thought I could suffocate it

With my sweater

But instead

It suffocates me.

Smoke, fire, flames bursting through my heart.

Suddenly an explosion.

My heart’s a million tiny pieces

Shattered, scattered.

I finally put the fire out

Superhuman strength appears

Strong resolve to survive

but the damage of the fire

It is overwhelming

It’s burning pain I can still feel

The shock of the smoke

Collapses my lungs

The sadness of joy turned into sparks

Sparks of absolute agony

The fire was uninviting

Torture

Truly it was the deepest level of hell

I felt pain in places I didn’t know I could

Now the charred remains will get off this train

After class

After talking to Ethan

After help from Heidi

After wisdom from Janet and Glendalyn

After tea with Bella

I walk to go shower

My charred self

Recovering what I can

Abandoning the rest

And recalling how high the flames got
And praying that no one can hurt me that deeply again…

Knowing they could.

Off to shower, drink coffee and pretend everything is fine.

Until it is.