I leave the car slowly and
I see you, it’s you… and I feel butterflies
I feel a sense of anticipation.
We embrace and we walk towards the restaurant
I feel each step as I walk next to you
It feels natural, like we’ve walked together before
Except we haven’t
We smile and walk up to the counter
You ask, Do you know what you want?
I say Yes, I always get the same thing.
You glance the menu and we order.
We wait a long time for our food.
But I feel it.
Glancing at you.
I feel stillness.
I feel calm.
I feel peace.
I feel traquail next to you.
I breathe nice and even breaths. I smile. I laugh.
We talk through the evening and it’s so nice.
I feel calm sipping tea and I listen to you.
I appreciate your casual attire.
It calms me.
I dressed up too much…
It feels effortless being with you.
I don’t feel maddening intensity except I do.
I feel maddening intensity of joy.
Maddening intensity of calm and ease.
Of our first meeting.
Feelings Flying through my Flesh
I cannot comprehend
These feelings that have amassed in my mind
They are so horribly, shockingly strong
I literally cannot breathe another breath
They, thoughts, tug mercilessly at my collar and choke me
Suddenly, without warning, they let go!
There is a calm stirring
But The Feelings of worry are growing louder
So I lie down on the pale blue carpet
Flat, dark room, relaxed
I set a 15 minute alarm
Then I go away in my mind until I am almost asleep
When I get up I feel so incredibly alive
I can breath
My collar has let go, a great release
The fresh air flows so much that I’m drunk with air
Praise the Heavens
I am calm
Falls into my bedroom
A pleasant sleep
A calm morning befalls me
Falls into my bedroom
A troubled sleep
Dread overcomes me
No matter how I sleep
No matter how I feel
I am always greeted with
The world Smiles
Even when I can’t
Walking these streets
I know these streets
I know where the roads converge
I know where they meet
I walk aimlessly
I walk to the tea shop
I drink slowly
It’s after work
The city is aglow
So I take my time
Everyone feels like a star
I admire dresses, scarves, and hats
I stare at pressed suits and colorful tasteful ties
I stop for an art exhibit
I glance at paintings and statues and more
My mind stirs for hours
Whether on the street
Or in the tea shop
Or the art institute
I love to take my time
Make the day sublime
Grab a dinner by the lake
A solo escape
As I do this
I make sure
To soak it all it
So carefully, cautiously
I never got to tell you it was love at first sight
When you picked me up that night
I never got to say how you make me feel
When you are near I know it’s real
There were so many words left unsaid
So many words remained only in my head
Would it make a difference if you knew
That I was madly out of mind in love with you
What hurts the most was being so close
But you blocked me from your life
You saw me, got my messages and never told me
My heart was so severed I couldn’t see
Couldn’t think, couldn’t breath
Your cruel emails prove you didn’t understand
That to me there wasn’t a soul more grand
I’m left alone to ponder
I’m left alone in misery
I’m left alone to heal
I’m left alone to grieve
My reprieve is this
Do you care for her the way you did me
When you gave her your last first kiss?
Do you miss me?
The truth is I know you are married
But you were my first love
And for that reason and lots of little ones
I miss you a lot
I quickly awake
My glasses I take
From a large stack of books
As I take a long look
And the current time
And I feel sublime
I leap out of bed and turn on my lamp near my head
I proceed to think of what to wear while I make my bed
Yes, I make it every single day
Because I prefer it that way
I organize clothes and clutter
Whatever tune I want, I quietly mutter
No one else is even awake
So full advantage of that, I take
I go and recognize the quiet I have for hours
Summoning my greatest powers
I take a quick shower
I make delicious coffee
I begin listening to music
And writing some new poetry
Whatever comes to me
In the corners of my mind
I find peace and calm
I do not have a single qualm
About how long it took
To read that book
Okay, it was only 3 or 4 days
I like to read faster anyways
I manage my pace
As I embrace
This truly serene space
I think about all things
That can, are, or may be happening
This is how I prepare for my day
Ode to quiet mornings
May you forever in my heart and mind stay
You bring forth a serene and joyous, boundless, happy new day
I understand the writers madness
It spirals within my very bones
A tall towering tumbling
My mental state is troubling
I’m only human
I push against The force that wants to destroy me
I use the power of pen
Mightier than the sword
I know it is.
It is a part of my heart
It can be joyous
I have experienced the flutter of ecstasy
Right now though, it is most unpleasant
Torture chambers bind my mind
I hack away at the ropes, they regrow
I will continue to battle,
no matter how dark the sky
How deep the water
How cold the room
I will be victorious in finding peace
Even if hell precedes it
I will find my beautiful piece of Heaven
Right here on Earth
And I will tie myself
With a magical ribbon
I will be bound to a better life
Lavender ribbon of calm