Spinning our own disasters…we can’t see through the rain

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I thought it was because of my tears
But we can’t see through the rain
Because we are too preoccupied
With natural disasters of our own
Don’t say that I’m the instigator
We’re too busy spinning tornadoes of feeling
And you are too busy
Formulating hurricanes
To notice
The wind, the rain, the storm of you
Is slowly wearing me down
I’m dissolving like the tide
Because in your anger
The already fragile bones in my body
And the branches of my spirit
Have snapped

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Ice, then – Metamorphosis

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It swallowed me
Half of me hates all I am
Hates all that I have become
Who am I?
What happened?
I fell through the ice
Thinner
Until it cracked
I almost drowned
And then hypothermia came knocking
Now,
I just thread water
I just get by
I DON’T WANT TO JUST GET BY
It is only a matter of time before
I fall through the ice again
This time
I know
I’m ready
I won’t fall through
I will be just fine
Getting by
Then I will
Pick up
Move away
Shadow and now
A ghost later
New life
That means more than getting by
So much more
I emerge from the ice
Like a phoenix from the ashes
I am changed

I loved you long before…

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I loved you 25 pounds ago

I loved you two haircuts ago

I loved you before that promotion

I loved you before that car

I loved you before that fancy apartment

I loved you before the degrees

I loved you long before the fanfare

I loved you before everything changed for the better

Because you were the best thing that ever happened to me

Before all these things

I loved you when things were hard

I loved you when life was simple

The moment I laid eyes on you I loved you

And although great change is constantly occurring

My love for you only gets stronger

The fire burns, an eternal flame

Because before you became the person you adore

You have to know one thing:

You were always the man I loved

A new success, a new hope is near

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In April I became a college graduate

It was truly a challenge

But I never once quit

No matter the challenge I never gave up

Of course there were times where I had enough

And sometimes I wouldn’t even know why

I would shut down, break down and cry

But all the fears

From all those years

Melted away

As I made my way

Across the stage

And as I grabbed my diploma

I turned the page

Wild success

I wore my new dress

Because I have backed down

I knew that with my illness

There was a greater fight

I worked tirelessly every day and every night

I kept a schedule and I slept

I achieved my goal of my greatness goal which was a degree

Now the job struggle is real

Sometimes I think I cannot deal

But I recall all the things I did to get here

And I now a new success, a new hope is near

If I work hard, prayer harder, and think smarter

I will have a new chapter appear

I didn’t work so hard just to quit

I am a woman of sharp wit

So I will buckle down and no matter what happens now

I vow that I will

Keep on going and more still

When I fail and fall I will get back up

Dust myself off, ice the bruises

Because Maria Pondo never loses

While fighting the good fight

And while doing that my heart will ignite!

Because I have you

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I could use some loving

The kind that is real and true

I could use some loving

Will it be from you?

I could use some loving and I don’t know what I’ll do

Because I’m fading fast

From that love him once gave me that wasn’t true

There was no love only poison which I drank

I drank down his words

So the lower I sank

Now my mind is blank

Except for thoughts that were untrue

Now I’m a little blue

But I’ll get over him too

I could use some loving

From someone who actually means it

Someone who isn’t just a good fit

Someone who really cares and understands

Someone to hold my face in their hands

And show me real love

Not falsehoods and ulterior motives

Just be gentle and genuine

Be my lover but also my best friend

Only then can we have no end

And withstand any storm

Because our fierce love will keep us warm

Keep us safe from harm

Because it was you that did charm me

Because I could use some loving

And you knew

So you held on tightly and stuck like glue

After all that you are, all that you do

I no longer need anything

Because I have you

Today I’m saying goodbye

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Drained of all air

You’re my greatest nightmare

Because at night I’m filled with dread and fright

Even though you’re not there

I still care and I’m scared

I let you in my life

And it cuts like a knife

That you won’t let me go

I said we shouldn’t be together but you said oh no

You tried to make me stay

You tried so things would go your way

Not today

Today I’m saying goodbye

To all your lies

To all false truths

To all forced things

To saying you love me

But making fun of me

By saying hurtful things

By not giving me straight answers

By saying there’s no one our there for me

All manipulation

Imagine my jubilation

Once I heal

Once you’re gone

Because without you

I’ll live it up a little more every day

I’m already seeing myself so differently

Just let go of me

And if you don’t

I’m going to cut the cord

I will leave

I will be strong

Your cruel words won’t be heard long

I cannot wait to be free

And find the opposite of you

Someone who lets me be me

Is it human nature to desire more?

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Silent early Sunday mornings

I sit all alone and I ponder

Sipping warm coffee

My mind begins to wonder

I’m drawn back to my dream

All though I only recall fragments

I know in it your face did gleam

I wonder about football

I wonder about war

I think about the game and who will score

I think about devastation of fire and ice destroying our nation

I would if I can take it anymore

My mind racing with these thoughts

I hope it slows but it will not

I ponder death and immortality

I ponder what it will be like when I have a family

What will my husband be like

Will he be the man of my dreams

Will he be kind and understanding

And loving and respectful

And a good father?

Will my children grow up happy and healthy?

Will I be a good mother?

Think about a garden

Think about a place

Where I’m not crying with tears burning up my face

About movies and romance

About whether or not I have a chance

Of a happy ending of my own

I wonder about God

About a job

About an apartment

About life after college

And when it will go my way

I should be grateful with what I have today

But is it human nature to desire something greater

To think about what you might want later

I am happy but I’m not content

I feel like I’ve spent

Too much time

And I want to spend the present and future

In a way that I’ll gain

All the dreams created by my sometimes awesome brain