The places I can’t go

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I’m a blob of existence
trembling in the wind
exploding
with the rage of the things I can’t be
and the places I can’t go.

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I’m sorry that I let you down

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No more good morning beautiful
No more, you should take a nap
No more, you look beautiful
No more romantic talks
No more talks for hours
No more of your kindness
It’s so cold
I feel like I’m on the edge right now
I ran away because things were serious
I ran away because I wasn’t ready
I ran away because things were intense
I ran away because my feelings were immense
And I couldn’t handle them
And I couldn’t handle distance
And I couldn’t handle the intensity
Now I want to say I’m sorry
Sorry that I left
Sorry that the woman you loved is gone
Sorry that I was a coward
I’m so sorry that I hurt you
I’m sorry that I let you down

Torn an ugly hole in my soul, why did you?

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I wish I never came here
The irony – I was invited, hand picked for this purgatory I burned in
The smell of sawdust still haunts me
You, the teasing and the whispers
The names you called me when I was not around
A stab in an old wound hurts worse
I came back every single day
A life you could not kill
Air, full of life, Stupid so stupid
I, a fool, came to build sets and befriend you
You tore an ugly hole in my soul
I cried a small river
Not realizing that everyone was my enemy
The same
No one ever once
Stood up and sat that’s enough
You just left me with all the work
While you basked in the glow of the top positions
I was an abused, malnourished, kicked puppy
Who never left the theater that was my beloved
I cut the wood, I measured, I swept, I sorted, and I carried the 16 foot ladder
On my own. I painted. I took apart the stage pieces.
Why did you have to be so evil to only me?
Why was only I the subject of your cruel and usual punishment?
Why did you have to set my life on fire?
Was not my being your slave enough?

Broken compass

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Cold, bruised soul
Cold, tired hands
Cold, tired heart
Don’t know which direction to follow
Don’t know day from night
Don’t know if I followed the right star
Cold broken heart
Cold, shattered soul
Cold, exhausted body
Broken compass