Let me go, I’m sick of being lovesick

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I have important things to do and important places to go

Whether it rains or there is snow

Let me go, the wanting of love

Let me be, can’t you see

The want of you is slowly

Destroying me

Let me go, let me fly

Let me leave, just let me by

I want to leave this lovesick spell

I have a place I wish to dwell

I have high hopes and glorious dreams

And although it seems

That all I want is love

All I really want is life

If love finds me great

I will truly celebrate

Until then I want a job, apartment, a puppy, a life of my own

A place to call my true home

And I am sick of being lovesick

So please heart and brain

Be still for me

Because you’re driving me insane

Be still for me and let me live

Then the great sin of madness due to love that you’ve both created

Only once you release me

Only then can I forgive

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You are all that I have

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I have shaky, scared hands

On shaky, questionable ground

Where can you be found?

I find the notion of finding you haunting me

I find the task daunting, can’t you see

I don’t know where

And although I stare

I don’t know who you are

So I foolishly wish upon a Star

Because it’s so clear now

That you are all that I have

Lasts and firsts: Cheers to the new year

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Last cup of smooth coffee

Last stunning sunrise

Last calming shower

Last page of my book

Last embrace from my dad

Last football game

Last sip of hard cider

Can I stop the flow of time?

Everything is now so divine

But there are so many firsts waiting for me in 2018

First cup of coffee

First sip of champagne

First hug from my family

Maybe first and last first kiss

First snowfall

First call from my grandma

First time on the ice

First time at the library

Cheers to all the calm and frenzy in this year

And a toast to all the firsts

In the next year

To health, happiness, and bliss

To all the things I have and the things I miss

To another year of wonderful firsts

I send my love and wishes and more

Because there is so much wonder 2018 has in store

Breaking through the Cage

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Huge windows and haunting walls

Enclose me in misery

Everyone acts like they are in charge of my life

I scream so loudly inside my head that it throbs

I hide deep downstairs

But it doesn’t matter

Until I can leave, move to my own place

With my own things, my puppy, my own life

My vivid colors schemes, my greatest dreams

My kitchen utensils, my fluffy towels

My carpets, my choice!

They will continue to act

Like they have dominion over my soul

Trapped

Rage encompassing me

Hopelessness swallowing

Until I break free it’s my

Cage

Once I get hired and I can move out

I will dance about

I will sing and cry tears of joy

I will prance, dance, romance

I will pull apart the steel bars

And after telling everyone how much I love them

How I appreciate everything

But how I crave fresh air and freedom of choice

My own voice

I will walk free:

“I will breath in breath out

And tell you all of my doubts

Because everybody bleeds this way

Just the same” – quote from breath in breath out, Mat Kearney

But I know it will be beautiful, just you wait and see

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Severed, mangled soul

A raw burning in my heart

Thoughts crashing over me, waves drowning me

And shredding me apart

Begging me to

Write the right stuff

I can’t and I’ve had enough

Because as much as I want to

I don’t understand love

I’ve tried to my entire life

All it has brought to me

Is grief and strife

I wrote my college thesis on love

Hoping it would help me heal

From wounds created long ago

And feel completely unreal

From lies in hallways

From lies through text

From false hope that leaves me vexed

From dates in the city

From dates in the cafe

From the sweet everythings you told me

That then were simply washed away

From the tiny moments that meant the world to me

From all the tears I cried for so long that no one did see

I don’t understand love

I cannot grasp it

The pieces just don’t fit

Because no man has loved me back

I feel like my heart is just constantly under attack

From the promises broken

From the lonely winter nights

From the worst pain imaginable

That came from prior sweet delight

From the hope I held on to

That love could be honest and true

From all the things I wanted but never said to you

I’ve learned a tough lesson

From all these painful things

That if I want to know what Love is like to have in my life

I must change so I can have a love and become one day his wife

I just must blow away the walls

Or I will never truly fall

In love and be loved back

I don’t understand love

But with the right person

Maybe I can

One day we will find each other and then

My heart will beat so hard when

I know that I’m loved and I feel that warm feeling of being in love again

And that new feeling of being loved back

I cannot wait to know what that feeling, that experience is for me

But I know it will be beautiful, just you wait and see

Fractured wrist, forehead kiss: Love

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Fractured wrist

Forehead kissed

Carried to safety

We didn’t drive far (to the ER)

You pushed me away from a swerving car

It’s just the strength of who you are

You risked you life to save mine

If you hadn’t done that I wouldn’t be fine

I’d be a goner, a spirit, a ghost

What I like the most

Is that’s how we met

It’s a moment in Time I will never forget

Christmas spirit

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Christmas time is here

That special time of year

Where I’m filled with glee and cheer

Because loved ones are near

I loved our Christmas Eve dinner with the whole family

This feeling I cannot explain filled the inside of me

Christmas spirit

You could hear it in our singing

You could see it in our faces

You could even feel it in our warm embraces

Cheers to another year

Of Christmas cheer

While everyone sleeps

Not a word or peep

I silently think

I take a sip of my drink

Christmas music fills my ears

Christmas spirit fills my heart

To all my loved ones: may we never be apart