Where do I want to go?


I can’t get anywhere
I walk through the fictional worlds of all my books
Stacks of them
I travel through snow, spring, cruel winds
I experience love, joy, pain
But in reality
I can’t get anywhere
The tears they sting
But I just stare
Because since April
I feel like
I can’t get anywhere
I don’t feel success
Sitting at home cleaning and reading
Feeling useless
Waste of space
Watching lives go on
In front of my eyes
But not because I don’t want to
Not for lack of trying
Because I’ve tried til I’m black and blue
But I can’t
I can’t seem to get anywhere
The bigger question I cannot seem to answer:
Where do I want to go?

I can’t say goodbye


I don’t know if we should be together
As hard as I try
As many times as I’ve done it
I can’t say goodbye
You mean too much to me
To disappear from my life
Truly I hoped I’d one day be your wife
We come to an impasse
Sometimes at night
But despite all the trouble
We get through a difficult fight
If even in the morning
I wake up distressed
Your good morning message
Leaves my mind beyond impressed
Who could have ever guessed
A little thing that you do
Like telling me to make sure I eat
Would make me fall for you?
You told me of road trips, and hiking
All the fun things we could do
Although sometimes I fight it
Although it feels like maybe it’s not right
To my delight
You don’t give up on us
So I won’t even try
Because the way my heart longs for each breath
Each moment
I can’t say goodbye to you

Broken compass


Cold, bruised soul
Cold, tired hands
Cold, tired heart
Don’t know which direction to follow
Don’t know day from night
Don’t know if I followed the right star
Cold broken heart
Cold, shattered soul
Cold, exhausted body
Broken compass

What if there is more to us?


I despair so I type.

He responds swiftly.

Kindly, gently, but firmly.

I make the tea,

I cry the tears.

“You can’t cry forever”.

It’s not mean, it’s true.

I know it comes from trying to help.

So, I wash my face.

I watch House of Cards.

I finish my laundry.

When I mediate

I do as he said 

And I almost fall asleep

Not a care in the world, all of a sudden this shift.

After I type this

I will tell him

How magical the mediation he suggested was

I care

I care so much

I care so very much

I don’t want to lose a friend

I want him to know how I feel because

But what if there’s more to us?