A stream of conscious sensation

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The extreme, powerful, self destructive, limitless, smothering, and abundance of love:
Sensation.
Its grasp for better or worse you cannot escape
Angry, rage, happiness, bliss, lust, love, end.
A perfectly shocking range in changes of sensations
Spectrums, rainbows
Feelings that will beat you black and blue
And all the other colors in between just as vivid
Leaving marks on your heart
The condensation of emotions are
Waters droplets of pure
Jubilation and utter aghast
And penetration of a feeling
Coming through
Many levels and kinds of feelings
Such Powerful Feeling
Its implodes my senses and I’m almost numb
The passion the pain flows freely
From each and every one of my cells
Visually sensation explodes in my brain
The art work created causes arguments in my brain.

Feelings Flying through my Flesh

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Feelings Flying through my Flesh
I cannot comprehend
These feelings that have amassed in my mind
They are so horribly, shockingly strong
I literally cannot breathe another breath
They, thoughts, tug mercilessly at my collar and choke me
Suddenly, without warning, they let go!
There is a calm stirring
But the feelings of worry are growing louder
So I lie down on the pale blue carpet
Flat, dark room, relaxed
I set a 15 minute alarm
Then I go away in my mind until I am almost asleep
When I get up I feel so incredibly alive
I can breath
My shirt collar has let go, a great release
The fresh air flows so much that I’m drunk with air
Praise the Heavens
I am calm
And thinking only I can make this right.

When my heart shreds

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Two years of trying
Two years of flirting
Two years of skirting the issue
Of us
Now I’m through
Now I’ve poured out my heart to you
Which I should have done from the start
Which would have saved me agony, burning, self-loathing
My heart burst because of it all
My anger rose when you didn’t have the guts to explain why
Why didn’t you try?
I tried so hard it obliterated rational thought
I was hoping that the last time it healed
I was hoping that was real
Instead it ruptures
Instead it shreds
Now I’m going to move move forward
Now I’m going to move ahead
For a while longer though the pain will linger
For a while I’ll weep because I feel like a fool
Pain is making me insane
I’ll have to heal again
Pick up the dislodged pieces
Mend a broken heart
Go back to start
Until then it’s shreds
Shreds of what never was
No blame
No game
I’m looking for a healing feeling
My mind is reeling
Slowing though, I’m peeling away at the emotions
Until the commotions cease
Only then will I find peace
Then the pain will lessen
And joy will increase
The next time I pour my heart into someone
Maybe they will return my feelings
I would look for him
And he will look for me
And together we’ll see
It was all worth it
In the End.

When the Soul Cries

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It’s is the body really omitting all the tears, at first

It’s shaking violently, sobbing

It’s a deep puncturing cry that the soul feels and reacts to

The soul squirms at first, it cannot handle the pain the body feels.

The soul in its wisdom tries to comfort the body, doing everything it can to relax the body, stop the agony.

It calms it strokes the body trying to make the pain flow away.

It does not always work and chaos ensues.

So the soul begins to cry along lacking in its comfort, causing the cry

To be an entire other level of pain, hurt, despondence.

The pain becomes unbearable as the body and soul are both under attack at the same moment.

It’s upsetting and when it finally ends

The soul now has a deep mark

One that over time heals, sometimes…

Words Rupture Bone

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Earth shattering screams erupt
Disrupting my current turmoil
But it’s all quiet
Just disaster in my mind
Everyone is talking to me
Pulling me every which way
Giving me advice
I am drowning in words
That aren’t my own
I want to put a seal around my heart
To protect it
I would like time alone
Not to feel lonely like I often do
I want the stillness of alone
The calm of quiet
Words rupture bones
And tear at scars
But not me
I’m letting my mind
Drown out their words
Others can suffocate in their own advice
But not me
The storm clouds rain despair
Upon my unsuspecting heart
Me

Hurricane Brain

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It hasn’t really been this bad
I’m beyond sad
I’m numb as they come
So many things going wrong
I’m trying to be strong
I got a message yesterday
That caused agony
My stomach is sick
The cause unknown
Trying to fix something I broke
Before it’s too late
Right now
It’s twirling
It’s swirling
It’s swelling
I can’t bare the pain
Of my
Hurricane Brain

Everytime… (throwback)

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Every time I see your face
I’m suddenly slowly my pace
Then you turn away…
I feel my heart breaking
Every time I hear your voice
I stop and listen, by choice.
Then you walk away.
I fear my headache is here to stay

Every time you talk to me
I hide my love for thee
Then you just leave
I’m left to grieve
Every time you say “we’re friends”
I want to be more
Then I imagine you with her (the talking never ends)
I know my hope is out the door
“We’ll always be friends”, I know
But more than that, no.
For every time you look at her
I know you are never going to look at me
That way and slowly my hope for love
Fades away…

Please, spill the light

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It’s so dark in the realm of my tunnel
I’ve dug it out myself
Cold, miserable, dirty, alone, and lonely
It’s creepy here
Eerie, a pin could drop
And it would be an explosion to my ears
I’ve dug this tunnel so deep
I fear the light
I fear love
I fear hope
I fear warmth
Better to be sad
Better to be lost
Better to be alone
Better to cold
That to have love
Then fall and crumble
But could light ever spill into my tunnel?
Could a sliver of hope ever sneak its way in?
Could I find the strength to climb out?
No, so could you come to me? Keep my company.
If only so the desolate loneliness could be crushed.
Could I ever escape my tunnel of pain?
Tunnel of confusion
I’m so lost,
Please, Spill the light
Like a fire
Ignite my lonely heart with your fire
Teach me to want, to long for the light

Desire’s got a reckless hold on me

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Dripping of desire

Desire of so much more

Desire of my own life

Desire of a great job

Desire of true love and lust

Desire of perspiring until I lose the weight

Desire of the 10k race

Desire off all my goals

One day at a time

Desire

Dripping desire

Of reckless hope

Reckless hold on me

Desire’s got a reckless hold on me