The opposite of another you

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Another you to hug
Another you to hold
Another you to laugh with
Another you to listen to me
Another you to care
Another you to understand
Another you to watch movies
Another you to eat dinner
Another you to peruse bookstores with
Another you to miss
No
I don’t want another you
You left me
You abandoned us
You didn’t care one bit
You went your own way without a second thought
You left me to stare
You left me cold
You left so bold
You hurt me so much
I shivered at the idea of seeing you
I want someone to truly care
I want someone who won’t just leave
I want someone to love
I want someone to kiss
I want someone I will miss
I want someone to be there
I want someone to stay when things are hard
I want someone through think and thin
So really,
I want literally the opposite
Of another you

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But I know it will be beautiful, just you wait and see

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Severed, mangled soul

A raw burning in my heart

Thoughts crashing over me, waves drowning me

And shredding me apart

Begging me to

Write the right stuff

I can’t and I’ve had enough

Because as much as I want to

I don’t understand love

I’ve tried to my entire life

All it has brought to me

Is grief and strife

I wrote my college thesis on love

Hoping it would help me heal

From wounds created long ago

And feel completely unreal

From lies in hallways

From lies through text

From false hope that leaves me vexed

From dates in the city

From dates in the cafe

From the sweet everythings you told me

That then were simply washed away

From the tiny moments that meant the world to me

From all the tears I cried for so long that no one did see

I don’t understand love

I cannot grasp it

The pieces just don’t fit

Because no man has loved me back

I feel like my heart is just constantly under attack

From the promises broken

From the lonely winter nights

From the worst pain imaginable

That came from prior sweet delight

From the hope I held on to

That love could be honest and true

From all the things I wanted but never said to you

I’ve learned a tough lesson

From all these painful things

That if I want to know what Love is like to have in my life

I must change so I can have a love and become one day his wife

I just must blow away the walls

Or I will never truly fall

In love and be loved back

I don’t understand love

But with the right person

Maybe I can

One day we will find each other and then

My heart will beat so hard when

I know that I’m loved and I feel that warm feeling of being in love again

And that new feeling of being loved back

I cannot wait to know what that feeling, that experience is for me

But I know it will be beautiful, just you wait and see

Because with you in my life, I feel complete I feel whole

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Many, many nights after

Our one big fight

I was in great fright

My body was giving into flight

I had a nightmare that I couldn’t shake

I thought this is more than I can take

I loved you so much it that hurt

You walked over towards me

And very quietly

You wiped my tears

On the sleeves of your shirt

But I just continued to cry

You were so, so worried

You didn’t know why

I was scared I’d lose you for good

That my heart would

Snap in half and break

And never be repaired

I couldn’t think

You handed my a cold drink

Of water and then you wiped my eyes

With your fingers and to my surprise

You said it was your fault

I said no it was mine

Then you did something truly divine

You just held my body in a loving embrace

For a moment there was no one at all in this entire place

My body stopped shaking the longer you held me

Then after our embrace I finally felt free

Suddenly a sweet kiss upon my lips

I could barely could get my grip

You felt it and you helped me not to fall

You then told me to never feel small

You told me “no matter what I do that I’ll always and forever love you”

And although it was tough

I knew love was enough

Enough to get us through

So with a peck

Upon your neck

You held my gaze

It didn’t faze

You

No more tears

From all my fears

Together longer

Now we are stronger too

Suddenly

You get down on one knee

Shock overwhelms my entire body

And before you can say anything

I say I do

You laugh and tell me you have so much more to say

You say this remarkable, beautiful speech about us

My troubles melt away

After I was a sobbing mess

You proposed and I said yes

You put the ring upon my finger

On my hand your hand seems to linger

The tears come again flowing fast

Because I know this Love was meant to last

You kiss my tears away

And that’s just where they will stay

There is so much joy in my soul

Because with you in my life

I feel complete, I feel whole

Exploring the World within The Iliad

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Reading this for the third time, I am struck by all the things I missed by reading in haste and without enthusiasm. Talking about it with our class furthered my curiosity and showed the value of the text in a way I had not considered. Our discussion explored the roles of Agamemnon and Achilles, the oaths made between various characters, the crucial role that woman do play, and the way in which the Greek gods interact with each other and mortals. In only three chapters there is so much to cover. I would like to focus on women’s roles, Agamemnon as a ruler, and the role anger of the gods has in affecting change. Power dynamics between certain characters is also something I want to explore.

Using the information we have so far, we saw how important women are in this text despite constantly being referred in a demeaning way and as “prizes”. There are obvious things that can be pointed out. Helen caused an entire war by being captured, and when she finally does speak she blames herself. This is an odd statement as it was not her fault. She wishes she had died, but as was pointed out in class her voice besides that one passage (and the one with Aphrodite) is largely missing. We get accounts from the author about her terrible beauty, but seeing the world through her eyes is difficult, and it feels passed over. It was suggested that a text from Helen’s point of view would show the other side, but we have other important women figures presented to us. Athena, Aphrodite, and Hera all have roles they care out that influence the story in varying degrees.  For example, despite Zeus being the leader of the gods he fears Hera which is funny considering how he speaks to her. Moving away from women’s role in the text, Agamemnon is presented as the lord of men. Is his leadership truly great and well planned or is he merely an arrogant jerk?

We discussed Agamemnon’s bizarre strategies, the way he treats his warriors, and his deep arrogance. He has strange tactics that seem counterintuitive to a successful outcome, such as asking everyone to flee, that we pointed out don’t sound like sound strategies. His strength as a great warrior is certainly true, but it is the great men among him such as Odysseus that make him successful. He gets good advice to have everyone in his army to fight by clan but I feel if he was a great leader he would have already known that himself. Agamemnon’s character flaw is his deep arrogance and inability to listen to reason. By taking the daughter of a priest he angers Apollo who unleashes a plague upon his army. He walks around wondering, why are these bad things happening, which is laughable since he caused them. When it is strongly suggested he return her in exchange for three to four times to the gift, he refuses. Is Agamemnon doomed (I mean he is cursed) to be simply a huge jerk or as the story develops will we see him develop as a character? I feel he will stay a jerk (to put it nicely) but although he is angry, his anger and that of other mortals is small compared to that of the gods.

On the very first page, the rage of Achilles is brought up. The anger of mortals, but also gods or God is crucial to the development of plots in The Iliad as well as the Bible. As a class we considered God’s motivation in the Old Testament, the Sumerian gods in Inanna, and the Greek gods we become familiar with in The Iliad. I see anger or rage playing a huge role for both the mortals and the gods within the Iliad. Anger is an important emotion that the various gods have because it creates action. When God is content, the Old Testament isn’t very dynamic. But when God is angry or in a scheming mood, many things happen and evolve in the mortal world. In the world of the Greek gods, because there are many of them they can anger each other. Their relationship with different mortals complicates things further. For example, when things are working out for some of the gods, another god, Aphrodite rescues Paris. This disrupts things for mortals, while demonstrating that the Greek gods take sides. It’s also notable that everyone hates Paris, even his own brother. Thus, having one God disrupting things is difficult for the people of the Old Testament. But having many gods with scheming, self-serving agendas and relationships with mortals is an entirely different situation. Anger turns the plot in The Iliad in remarkable directions, while contentment amongst the gods brings a stop to action. Contentment brings boredom to the Greek gods. Then the cycle of scheming and doing something to cause rage stirs the pot further potentially starting or making current wars worse in the mortal world.  The concept of violence and war is prevalent in The Iliad. It is a warlike atmosphere and it is seen as glorious to fight, judging by the language Homer uses. It is discussed in The Iliad to kill Agamemnon very early on but then it is decided to not do that. Is it about glory and honor that war is seen in a positive light? Or is the anger of mortals and gods an excuse for wars and much bloodshed?

Another man of war, Achilles who is doomed to have the shortest life span is also examined. We discussed how Achilles’ father was almost Zeus, so his “rage” and behavior may correspond with the fact of missed potential. There is not a question that Achilles is a great warrior and as a result he and Agamemnon have a huge verbal fight where Achilles says he isn’t going to take orders from Agamemnon anymore. There is a power struggle because Achilles must give up his prize, a woman, to Agamemnon. It’s interesting that within the same side (in terms of the war) such differences appear. I see Achilles as blinded by rage, but then weeping after giving up his prize. Why doesn’t Achilles just keep the prize? This seems to show that although he said he is not obeying Agamemnon, he must still listen to him. This power struggle is fascinating, and it is interesting to compare that to the power struggle between Helen and Aphrodite.

After Aphrodite snatches Paris from death, she goes to find Helen and wants her to surrender herself to Paris. Helen does not want this, because being captured was enough and she refuses to have sex with Paris ever again. Aphrodite threatens her with intense words and she submits herself. In this scene, Helen loses the agency she had and it will be interesting as the story unfolds to see how Helen behaves in the future.  The power struggle here is different because Aphrodite is a goddess, but Helen has such terrible beauty that a war started over her. Perhaps Aphrodite wishes to knock Helen down since Helen is receiving so much attention. Through all the power struggles in the text, it will be interesting to see how the progression of the characters continues, and how the gods interfering cause the course of events to shift even more.

Finding Yourself by Getting Lost: Wild

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Upon watching this trailer, I thought I had a clear vision for this film. I am incredibly glad that I was wrong. It was not straight forward, in fact it was awkward and uncomfortable at times and I really struggled with this film. However, it is a raw and honest portrayal of life of what is life if not awkward and uncomfortable? I realized the sadness felt by Cheryl, our main character was so relatable to every person that has ever struggled with something in their lives. To be honest, her life through an unfortunate and horrific event changes and Cheryl decided to go on a 1,000 hike alone and she “denies her wounds come from the same place as her power.” Something I really loved about the film was the way authors were incorporated. Whenever she arrived at a new part of the trail she would write a famous line such as “I have promises to keep. And miles to go before I sleep.” Robert Frost is the author of this fragment and the quotes she comes up with on her own are tear jerking. She said she lost herself in the wilderness of her grief. The flashbacks of her mom were so hauntingly beautiful and really make you evaluate your own life. It’s scary how powerful this film is in causing that self-reflection. This movie shows a struggle that anyone of us can relate to, to pain and loss and being lost in the pain of your loss. I don’t want to give much away other than to say keep the kids at home for this one, but I think if you need to be inspired you will. And if you don’t, you might just be inspired nonetheless. Reese Witherspoon as I have never seen her before has me under a spell this entire film. This film is magnificent not because it will make you happy. It will make you think, “What if I forgive myself if I was sorry?”

The Devil Wears Red Slippers and a Jade Hat

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He was there

With tiny red slippers and a jade hat

The devil parades

Through

If there is a sudden

Disease running through the town

If building are crumbling

Because of natural disaster

Down the dust pedals fly faster

He spawned them specifically

A bully that damages my mind

A noise that made me shiver,

A car accident that could have been me

Hurricane or typhoon

A burn on her hand

Drugs on the cargo train

A nightmare, a shooting in Ferguson and New York

A dog chasing you down the street

Red runs, blood you stagger on your feet

Someone decides not to catch you

Falling ice

Burning home

Lost your job

I know in my soul He was there

Animals dying because of spilt oil

Floods and the toil of rebuilding

Death coming in a manner

You would not say out loud

Because it would make your head speed up

And make you hate what you just said

Make your feet slow and you puke

So many children gone, so many grieving families

The world stunned and shaken to its very core

The Taliban responsible, the devil within each one of them

He was there

Red slippers, jade hat

He is around

Watch out

Proceed with caution

And remember he can always be beaten

With love

He can always be beaten

With love

Stolen

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my connection to all my friends and family that use to be at my finger tips

It’s slipped away

Stolen I must say

The shock of being, using, clicking, and have that instant connection to everything and everyone

Gone

It’s like I don’t exist.

When did I and my phone become one?

You steal my phone, so you steal me?

Is that my reality?

I search for what’s worse: losing that connection

until I get a new phone or the peace of mind that

has been literally stolen from me.

The peace of mind is worse.

My phone will soon arrive.

And thank God I’m alive.

But the fear that lives inside is battling me…

I will give it this battle, but I will not give it the war