Broken

Standard

Bloody knuckles

Broken dreams

Tears stream

I scream

But no one can hear

Not one can lend an ear

My watch smashes and breaks

How much will it take

Before I smash too?

Before it’s much more than

Bleeding knuckles

Broken dreams

When will I be okay

When will anybody love me

When will the hate stop

When will I see the top

When?

Until then

It’s bleeding knuckles

Broken dreams

Advertisements

Bookends

Standard

I cry far too much

My face swollen with tears

My heart throbbing with hurt

You cannot cry and so

You envy me

And I don’t know why

But I want to know what hurts you

What deeply harms your soul

I want to help you feel okay, make you feel whole

I want to know what scares you

I want to help chase your fears far away

Why you can’t cry

Why I cry way to much

And yes, crying occasionally is helpful

Crying to much is truly not

As you point out

“I guess we are bookends”

Ode to Crying

Standard

This is an ode to crying, like in the blazing sun
In a world where
Emotions are a mask for
The true one

While sadness is
Hard to diagnose,
Even though you can feel it in your bones
Thanks crying for being an obvious red flag

That something’s wrong
Out of place
Lost for a while
Or perhaps lost in time or space

Crying, you show courage
Even though you are humiliated, mocked
Keep on crying
Give it all you’ve got
Bottle it up, and then explode
For when people
Go into a lasting shock

Thank you crying for your
Salty appeal
For the wounds
You rip open,
Close shut, and miraculously heal.

Everyone has unique cry
It is a part of them as shy as they could
About it
Weeping
Screeching
Sobbing
Bawling
Howling
Wailing
Vary from a quiet sob
To wailing eardrum crushing…

Crying is an art –
Painting a picture
For the dumb, oblivious,
And the smart
That she loved him from the start
Now she is mangled in knots,
Broken apart

He sees her breakdown,
Take that cell phone
Aqua razor
And break it to bits
Like hitting it with a tazer
But she just flung it against the wall
Creating a sound of breaking metal
And an expression on the fall
The fall on this face

It ends now he decides
They reside each alone
The sadness in her heart
Now presides in his too

That’s what crying can do,
Bring out the best or worse in you

Crying you’ve teamed up with shaking
And lost contact with privacy
I have a bruise the shape of a baseball
From shaking and crying,
I expect an apology from you

But weeping, crying
When I can’t stop
Starting to burst, pop
Then you’ve gone too far.
I know I have to paint the picture
But break eardrums to, sounds like someone
Just lacerated and murdered my soul.

That’s something we could work
On me and you
Less crying,
More laughing?

I hurt

Standard

When I get yelled at for no reason

When I am told my opinion doesn’t matter

When I get told I do nothing or worse

When I get told I am nothing

When I get told to get away because I’m in everyone’s way

I go downstairs and I close the door

I carefully watch football and I completely focus on players, stats, and the score

I sip my soda, and the tears burn my skin

Just because I’m quiet doesn’t mean that I’m okay that I can hold it in

Because when they make me feel like I’m completely insignificant

When they do all these things that shatter my very being

I hurt

Love, beautiful tragedy

Standard

I don’t know why you couldn’t love me

I’m crying very painfully

Because it hurts in places I did know I had inside me

I thought one day we would marry

You are married to someone else and I’m alone

I’m not bitter

That much is true

I’m just head over heels

With someone who never knew

Time heals all or so they say

I will love someone else someday

Right now, it’s hurts so much

I don’t want any contact or touch

I shiver and shake

Because I’m scared of what’s at stake

That my heart will shatter, break

And the pieces will lay there

Love, beautiful tragedy

45 minutes, 45 thoughts: When Bullies are just too Much

Standard

I storm off.
I can’t do it.
This.
Anymore.
I run past the help.
I race to.
My usual hiding place.
In the corner of the last stall.
My head against the wall.
I’m not worth it at all.
“She’s crying about her life story again”
Keeps rolling through my head.
No one should bother with me.
Like a sick, lonely soul.
Who just got third degree burns.
The crying turns to whimpering.
Call 4 people, no answer.
Then I just lose it, collapse.
I think about the new ways.
That my stomach acids are churning me sick.
Feeling lower then dirt.
I allow my body to surrender to sitting.
It’s cold.
I deserve it,
The cruelty, the cold.
No hand to hold.
I am hurling towards utter disarray.
No room to breathe.
I’m actually unable to breathe.
Suddenly voices.
I think hush, Maria hushes
It is as quiet as it gets
I cannot contain myself
She, a familiar voice
I open the stall door.
Crying on her and screaming,
Gasping for some air.
He’s in his office.
Okay.
I give in, I say
What’s on my mind to him.
Refuse to speak
Only to my supervisor I will.
It is not over, I think.
It’s just the beginning
Or maybe, Miracles in Maine East?

One less fight

Standard

Out of the cold night
Into the warm day light
Another awful fight
Ignites my life, fire
It’s just not right
How we tear into each other
She and I
I used to think
Oh Brother, and wave my hand
Now I’m just numb, numb inside
And I just desperately want to hide
There have been so many
And there will be more I know
But I would give everything I own
For it to stop
For the fighting to just drop
For Love to win
Tempers not to flare
What I would give
For one less fight