Tear stained soul

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Tear Stained soul
Won’t allow real streams
In my most glorious dream
You are there
Caressing my hair
In my despair
I forget
That my tear stained soul
Has loved once
And when I find you
Will love again

Dreaming of you

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I’m hearing voices hushed
I’m seeing oceans of red
All my siblings and family members
Wishing me a Happy Valentine’s Day
But in the depths of my heart
You are somewhere right now
But not with me
We haven’t met yet
I already dream of your eyes
I already dream of your smile
I already dream of your kiss
I already dream of the sweet nothings
That mean everything
I want to be happy on this day
But it’s terribly hard
When my heart’s flown away
I couldn’t keep it at bay
No matter what I do
My heart is out there floating
Dreaming of you

Torn an ugly hole in my soul, why did you?

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I wish I never came here
The irony – I was invited, hand picked for this purgatory I burned in
The smell of sawdust still haunts me
You, the teasing and the whispers
The names you called me when I was not around
A stab in an old wound hurts worse
I came back every single day
A life you could not kill
Air, full of life, Stupid so stupid
I, a fool, came to build sets and befriend you
You tore an ugly hole in my soul
I cried a small river
Not realizing that everyone was my enemy
The same
No one ever once
Stood up and sat that’s enough
You just left me with all the work
While you basked in the glow of the top positions
I was an abused, malnourished, kicked puppy
Who never left the theater that was my beloved
I cut the wood, I measured, I swept, I sorted, and I carried the 16 foot ladder
On my own. I painted. I took apart the stage pieces.
Why did you have to be so evil to only me?
Why was only I the subject of your cruel and usual punishment?
Why did you have to set my life on fire?
Was not my being your slave enough?

Fall Apart

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I guess this is what it’s like when things fall apart
When someone ingests and pukes out your heart
I wish I had known from the start
I would have never allowed that,
If only instead of stupid I had actually been smart
I want to cry and the time, I guess
For so long it has been beyond sublime
But that joy I had was just jumping the gun
For I no longer have any fun
The tears they run
Run really fast down my face
I’m spinning through time through space
The beautiful colors I once used to see
Are warped distorted and ugly
The reds and blacks stream together
Like a car crash in rainy weather
The blood and the dark
Blend with the rainy blurs and make their mark
Everything I think of, everything I want
Is just a taunt
Because I can’t allow myself happiness now
I’ve created my own fatal flaw, how?
I’ve stepped in the trap, lonely and confused
Mad, sad, angry, dismal, and used
I’m stuck staring at the car crash that is my life
I guess this is what it’s like when things fall apart

What really breaks me

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Watching the Pianist
An inevitable fate escaped
For the composer anyway
Seeing the look on a battered girl’s face
Makes it hard to swallow
Infidelity to your significant other
The act of mass murder, those planes smashing building, flying with deathly force
Breaks my thoughts, how could someone do that
More importantly how can you live with yourself
Some little kid finding out
There is no Santa Claus
Hate Crimes
People who hate themselves
Realizing that the people who
You thought cared
Don’t even know you, not really
When something beautiful or someone
Shatters
When a girl can’t have a first dance
At her wedding with her dad
Because she doesn’t have one
When two people destined for each other
Die one of them dies
When a “friend” stabs me in the back
And wants to be “friends”
When people don’t have the guts to apologize
When a baby cries because it was born addicted
No choice in the matter
Or when a baby is aborted
When someone torments animals
When the media showcases something
But the real meaning is lost
When someone gets away with murder
Disrespecting the elderly
Purposely embarrassing someone or hurting
Their feelings with cruel pranks/jokes
When people are led on
All these things break me
But number one
Is how you glance at me
How you joke around with me Hug me and advise me
Inside everything is so completely traumatized from what you’ve done
The hardest part is learning to be lonely so everyone thinks your fine
Really metaphorically your soul is drunk with the wine WE were to share
That’s what really breaks me, more then a national disaster it’s YOU
You batter my emotions with memories and photos that burn my insides
I can’t feel happiness anymore it’s all cold, a mass of the broken pieces glued together
Expertly by me but with a tiny ice pick you
With that smile, messy hair- break it all over again…

Broken

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Bloody knuckles

Broken dreams

Tears stream

I scream

But no one can hear

Not one can lend an ear

My watch smashes and breaks

How much will it take

Before I smash too?

Before it’s much more than

Bleeding knuckles

Broken dreams

When will I be okay

When will anybody love me

When will the hate stop

When will I see the top

When?

Until then

It’s bleeding knuckles

Broken dreams

Blur

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I ponder this

Something is amiss

In my head and in my heart

Something’s tearing me apart

29 and can’t find love at all

Am I cursed to sit against this wall

That I cannot break free from

My heart beats like a drum

To a somber tune

From January to June

From June to December

All I can remember is

That I’m without the other

And as another year passes

I feel it slip away from me

The grand vision of love

I used to once clearly see

Now I think we can all concur

That instead of a face, a place, a true love

Even without tears streaming

All I can see, it’s completely a

Blur