Secret

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Secret
My secret
Mine to share
Mine to keep
Mine to hold on to
Mine to let go of
The problem is this
The paradox
Sharing the secret will free me
The weight of silence will choke me
The problem is this you see
My secret is deep in a cage
And I have lost the key
And I don’t know
If I am ready
To let the secret escape out into the world
I am not prepared for the fallout
Maybe there will be none.
Maybe
Secret
My secret
Mine to keep
Mine to share
Mine to grasp with my grip
Or mine to release to let it slip

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Taking the same train

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Tears streaming down onto my skirt
Tears completely drowning my shirt
But I no longer care
I just sit there
Drip, Drip, Drip
Until I can cry no more
I exit through the door
And take my train home
And wonder what could have been
If we ended up together
Then I won’t be soaked in tears
I wouldn’t be bewildered
Because we would be a unit
A team, lovers and friends
Taking the same train
To the same home

Colorless Ideas Dream Furiously

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Colorless ideas dream furiously
Minds collide, rendering me senseless
Hope is a fleeting feeling
My stumbling heart
Sends my reeling
Fracturing my senses
Shattered me
Gushing blood streams
Seriously
Touch, Smell, Taste, Hearing and Vision
Seem quite impossible since that collision
Colorless ideas dream furiously
Minds collide

Until
I open my eyes
Only to be engulfed
But something in the distance
Hope or Despair
I don’t care
No more being numb
I just want any feeling
Because I’d rather feel pain
Then nothing at all
Suddenly
Colorful ideas dream happily
Minds collide, rendering me wide awake

When

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when to help someone
when to help yourself
when to help someone help themselves
when to stop helping
when to hang on
when to let go
when to be best friends
when to befriend
when to stop being friends
when to choose my own future
when to listen to my brain
when to listen to my heart when it’s calling to me
when to defend
when to be assertive
when to just ignore
when fix it
when to realize you can’t ever fix it
when to realize it was never broken
when to realize it’s gone
when to smile and laugh
when to stand up
when to be independent
when to ask for help
when to do it yourself
when to confide in a friend
when to lock it inside
when to let loose and dance
when to act mature
when to be yourself
when to listen
when to listen to myself
when to care
when to stop caring
when to stop being so guarded
when to take a chance
when to take a risk
when to take a break
when to take a vacation
when to just relax
and by taking a chance discovering
a part of you that you didn’t know was there
when to hope
when to dream
when to try
and try harder
when to lose it
when to mend my heart
when to build a bridge
when one gets broken and burned
when to let someone help you up
when to finally realize
it’s not so bad
when to realize despite what it seems
that I’m not alone
when to keep talking
when to be silent
when to smile
when to look away
when to hug
when to fear
when to pray
when hope dissolves away
when to listen to music
when to accept hugs
when to scream
when to run
when to sing
when to shop
when to watch the sun come up
when to understand that silence meant everything
when to understand life’s not bright green trees and pink flowers
when it’s okay to fight back
when it’s not and
when I’ve gone too far
when to laugh
when to smile and
when to force a smile
when to cry
when to lean on the shoulder of the man you love
when to kiss
when to trust him
when to whisper in his ear
when to listen to him
when to dream with him
to lie on his chest and falling asleep to the beating of his heart

In my Dream

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I woke up just now and I know it was true
I spent all night just dreaming of you
As the dream fairies lulled me to sleep
I saw your magical eyes and I was dreaming deep
In my dream we were really together
It was effortless, breathless, it felt like forever
We were eating a delicious dinner and the way you made me smile
I sure held your gaze for such a long while
We walked in downtown Chicago sharing secrets in our head
When I’d rather be passionately kissing you instead
We were a unit, two people happy in love
We were simple people sharing at the fluffy snow above
My dream was perfect because it felt so real
All the glory in the world I could feel
It felt so natural and unique
If only I could take a peak
Inside your brain so I could know
How confessing my love to you would actually go
At least as long as the lights gleam
I loved you and you loved me in my dream

Behind the Love Letter

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Behind the love letter
There exists a story a tale
Who knocked the wind from my sail
A kind, modest soul
While the time will toll
He greets me with grins and jokes
Playful pokes
At me

Behind the love letter
There exists a woman
A woman refusing
All logic, blind with love
She falls slam, hard and long
Hopefully she’s strong

Behind the love letter
There exists a place for it to dwell
Her faces glows
When the tiny golden shiny box
Composed of colored flowers and mini mirrors
Windows of myself – a paradox
Inside, her greatest secret or worse nightmare
She closes the blinds, on her way to bed
No more looking behind
Forward instead

Behind the love letter
Is a reason
Though not always known it is there
Makes her moan and groan
With a pang of guilt of holding it all in

Behind every love letter there is:
A story, a love,
A hiding place, a fallen woman,
And Behind every love letter is the reason
That her deep feelings are kept inside her,
Keeping that love and letter secret,
Behind every love letter is self-doubt
Why hasn’t he already figured me out?
Sitting there since September ‘13 the letter
That she just can’t rid herself of… unable, unwilling to let him go…