I hope I’m worthy

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It was my fault
I don’t know what to do
I ran from your affection
And I deeply hurt you
In my dreams
It seems we are meant to be
In reality what are we?
Can we come back to christmas eve?
To when you said “I love you, Maria.”
It was the most beautiful thing I’ve heard.
I tarnished it.
I thought you would see
Why you should give up on me
But you forgive and try again
I hope I deserve your love.
I hope I’m worthy.

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Wishes from my Youth

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A sudden dread creeps up my spine
It no longer can align
I search in vain for what to do
When my life is so undone
I’m no longer having much fun
Going through the motions
Is making me weak
Pretending I’m content
Is making me sick
Although cold has swallowed the world
I dwell outside
I want answers
The wind brings with it clarity
The wind brings with it all I see
The wind brings change
I lay under the giant tree from my childhood
I lay a different person
A woman, no longer a little girl
I wonder what my future is
I ponder when my luck will change
And I get lost in those moments
That the little girl inside me created
And the little girl inside me
Still wants more than anything
As a little girl, I desperately fought for those things
For a job that makes me happy
For a man that makes my heart sing
For children to love
For a dog to walk
For a place of my own
For a car that hugs every curve
For a life that is mine
Troubled and happy
Delight in disorder
I fight even harder now, but I can’t seem to get there
Perhaps I should fight with the tenacity of my younger self
Young Maria believed in dreams
Young Maria believed in everything
Young Maria was blissfully happy
Perhaps I can go back in my heart
Perhaps those powerful wishes
From my youth, can rise up again

Sweet lullabies of love

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I pull on my Valentine’s Day sweater with care

The one with different colored lipstick kisses that makes me smile

I paint my nails a deep red

I send out wishes to all my family

I eat my oatmeal

Love my body with goodness

That’s my Valentine’s Day

I am grateful that I have so much love in my life

And one day soon

I will swoon

Over him

And my Valentine’s Day

Will include a romantic dinner

Roses or lilies

And most importantly

Someone that loves me with their entire heart

We will cuddle we will kiss

The won’t be a hint that I miss

We will romance

We will dance

We will appreciate the little things

We will hear our hearts sing

Sweet lullabies of love

Dreaming of you

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I’m hearing voices hushed
I’m seeing oceans of red
All my siblings and family members
Wishing me a Happy Valentine’s Day
But in the depths of my heart
You are somewhere right now
But not with me
We haven’t met yet
I already dream of your eyes
I already dream of your smile
I already dream of your kiss
I already dream of the sweet nothings
That mean everything
I want to be happy on this day
But it’s terribly hard
When my heart’s flown away
I couldn’t keep it at bay
No matter what I do
My heart is out there floating
Dreaming of you

The only witnesses of our first kiss, the glitter makes me shiver

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Meandering thoughts converge

Across the glistening snow

Painted across my mind

The glitter makes me shiver

It’s such beauty to behold

Fresh snow makes everything seem possible

As I’m spinning between constellations and dreams

I see you, across the fresh snow

You are the epitome of my dreams

You walk slowly toward me

I want to run to you

But I’m frozen in place

Like the ice stinging my face

Then as quickly as you came

You are gone

I wasn’t fast enough this time

I curse myself for the failure

But hope overwhelms me and

Glancing over once again

You are there again

You must have disappeared beyond the shadows

This time I blast towards you

I won’t let you slip away

As tired thoughts melt

We hold each other at last

The haunting glow of the snow

The shadows that surround us

The lines of clouds are the only

Witnesses of our first kiss

Desire‚Äôs got a reckless hold on me

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Dripping of desire

Desire of so much more

Desire of my own life

Desire of a great job

Desire of true love and lust

Desire of perspiring until I lose the weight

Desire of the 10k race

Desire off all my goals

One day at a time

Desire

Dripping desire

Of reckless hope

Reckless hold on me

Desire’s got a reckless hold on me