Maddening Intensity of Calm and Ease

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I leave the car slowly and
I see you, it’s you… and I feel butterflies
I feel a sense of anticipation.
We embrace and we walk towards the restaurant
I feel each step as I walk next to you
It feels natural, like we’ve walked together before
Except we haven’t
We smile and walk up to the counter
Breathe in…
You ask, Do you know what you want?
I say Yes, I always get the same thing.
You glance the menu and we order.
Breathe out…
We wait a long time for our food.
But I feel it.
Standing there.
Glancing at you.
I feel stillness.
I feel calm.
I feel peace.
I feel traquail next to you.
I breathe nice and even breaths. I smile. I laugh.
We talk through the evening and it’s so nice.
I feel calm sipping tea and I listen to you.
I appreciate your casual attire.
It calms me.
I dressed up too much…
It feels effortless being with you.
I don’t feel maddening intensity except I do.
I feel maddening intensity of joy.
Maddening intensity of calm and ease.
Of our first meeting.

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The Rush

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I loved that day
That particular moment
Ponytail blowing in the wind
The sun warming my skin
Shorts and my favorite aqua shirt
And your giggling and screaming
Your begging to slow down
But I just speed up, legs feeling so free
In the woods, fresh air through my lungs
Running so fast
I washed it out
Because you said it was to dirty
So I used the hose
To wash the dirt and grim
I dried it
And you jumped in
I took you for a spin
Around grandma’s house
All I recall
Is the smile on your face
Us bonding as twins
And above all
I remember
The Rush

Disconnecting the Dots (throwback)

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Disconnecting the dots of senior year
With many vibrant spots of light that
Grow, that bend, disappear
Those left begin a sequence of memories past
The memories that we hope will last

Disconnect the dots of the final hours
And use our strongest, deepest powers
To keep in mind what designed
Each of us into individual, sublime
Proud, intellectual, motivated seniors!

It’s been 12 exhausting years
With many initial fears
Plenty of bright smiles and laughs
Plenty of narrow frowns and tears
Suddenly our bright future appears

And it seems all of our rich past disappears
Melts into smudges
Molds into lasting smears
Of a single canvassed painting
Composed of all these 12 years

The glamorous sports and clubs start right away
Homecoming week, vacations, and break
For when school we can no longer take
Holidays outline the year in stunning silver and glittering gold
Truth be told we are dazzled with the autumn oranges
To the sensational festive greens and crimson streams
Our wildest, warmest holiday dreams

The Dances, the movies
Those moments we share
The outfits, the letdowns
The “Nobody cares”
Identity and humility
Writing extensive essays on Frankenstein or playing Your Wii
Drinking Red Bull, constant energy
Listening to your I-pod, watching Idol
Watching the relationships grow, crumble, Grey’s Anatomy: the title

The parties, the pizza, the sing-alongs
The fuse ball tables, the Record labels
Going out to celebrate
Going out, coming home late.
The lunch Room
The library and the Computer free periods galore
Work hard, giggle, or just lay back and snore
Brightly-colored birthday balloons
Bake sales, awards, and triumphs we were blessed with
Or the “drama” and life lessons that we were tested with

The plays, the musicals, and V-Shows too
Tear-jerking, eye catching, Perfect too!
The Clubs, the Band, Orchestra and Choir
The ability to join whatever you desire

Math Class, Bio, Cal AP
Trig, French 4, English 3
Tech Theater, Government, Sociology
But the most important class learning from each other

Senior – almost done
It all floods the mind
Of all the things we must leave behind
We must look ahead, march to the podium
In the heat of June
Never forgetting All those senior mornings, nights, and lazy afternoons

Dance with me

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Dance with me
Romance with me
Don’t just stand
Hold my hand
Take us both into a far off land
Twirl me around
Dip me to the ground
We will succeed
I will follow your lead
I will step on your toes
That’s just the way it goes
When the music changes to a slow song
Hold me firm but gentle for so long
Next time the music plays
We can dance for hours that spill into days
What do you say?

Ode to My Short Fiction Class (Throwback)

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Ode to Gadies and Lettermen

To sitting across from a complete stranger on August 26th

And reading “Hills like White Elephants”

Ode to Nicole the page princess

Ode to Liz Marie the 1st spiritual leader, blunt and fierce

To the chalkboard and that darn desk that is always loose

To the window that displays only a moment in time

Ode to Civil Peace, Building fires, and Sweat

Ode to living out a Saturday night live skit

For drinking water, coffee, or chocolate milk

And listening to Nick’s wise insight about a story

Or simple pride to say he man handles things

Ode to Ben for declaring a boy becomes a man at age 13

Ode to McKenzie for her insight during The Guest,

Choosing structure over freedom

Ode to Spencer for history lessons and beer critiques

To greasy lakes and Open Boats

Ode to Patrick’s memorable quote about what the blind actually see

To Paul’s open-mindedness – thank you for truly diving into the stories

And seeing so many details, giving us so much to think about

Ode to Scriveners, yellow wallpaper, red convertibles and rocking horses

Ode to Liz for being so peaceful, calm amongst the storm

To Megan for having her i-pod and head on straight, sitting in the back, a buffer

To Brian’s skepticism and humor and baseball caps

Ode to Vlad’s indifference and Antonio’s ability to answer

Questions on the flip of a dime when all seems lost

To Nell, my lucky ninja for sharing her frustration of violent video games

During the things we carried discussion

We all sat there quietly, I tried to imagine it but I just lost myself in realizing

We are not as desensitized as we may think

I foolishly went on and on talking like I had some right others didn’t

I apologize for my loudness and my annoying at times presence.

My many tangents

I apologize for calling foul and pounding on the table like the child

In The use of Force

Ode to Bill for reading

And always being able to say from beginning to end what happened

Ode to Mielas for pointing out the great depression and discussing Native Americans

Ode to chrysanthemums, happy endings, greasy lakes, cathedrals, and the guest

To Desiree’s baby and the newborn thrown…

Ode to Megan’s Solace on the side

Ode to Elly’s grace, glasses, giggle and spot on analysis

This is my Ode to Professor Davros for listening to what ever we

Had to say and for taking jokes with a gram of salt

For coming to class and getting a migraine no doubt

But for absorbing all of our babble into something that makes sense

We sit transfixed, bedazzled.

Some loud, some quiet

Some laughing some texting

Some tired, others pumped for discussions

Ode to Occurrences at Bridges, Necklaces, and Real Things

We came as ordinary people and learned where we are

And where we have been

Leaving my desk and chair I emerge towards the door, and stand realizing

“I prefer not to.”

Thinking about my Superman…

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Life is so lovely, most of the time. 

Most days are pure sunshine and love, but sometimes things happen and the day is rough to say the least.

There are days full of love, joy, deep laughter, fragrant coffee, exercise, hiking, films that thrill, friends and family and so much more 

There are days not as joyful, days where the sun just doesn’t shine and if it does I can’t appreciate its beauty. The gloom weighs me down and the light just disappears.

I lose my sparkle. Or at least I feel the sparkle is melting away…

They are so painful, sad, and lonely. They are horribly cold, almost soulless days. Tears and trembling. I must push along and make it to better days. I push forward and think of who I have to lean on. 

When I think of my superman, the man who will be my everything, I don’t think of a replacement for coping. I think of a shoulder to lean on.

So during the great, sunny days, filled with so much joy it overflows. The days of love, happiness and content I think. When I think of my superman I think, no matter if the days are gloomy or happy that he will stand by me.