Ice, then – Metamorphosis


It swallowed me
Half of me hates all I am
Hates all that I have become
Who am I?
What happened?
I fell through the ice
Until it cracked
I almost drowned
And then hypothermia came knocking
I just thread water
I just get by
It is only a matter of time before
I fall through the ice again
This time
I know
I’m ready
I won’t fall through
I will be just fine
Getting by
Then I will
Pick up
Move away
Shadow and now
A ghost later
New life
That means more than getting by
So much more
I emerge from the ice
Like a phoenix from the ashes
I am changed


This gem of happiness I touch


To happily exist on this beautiful piece of earth: what Shimer means to me💝
💜(What Shimer means to me)💜

When I feel scared on the train 

When I feel angry because of fights that corrode my nights

about a condition that they pretend to understand- I say stop, you don’t. 
When I feel angry being judged by my clothes, earrings, or shoes or head band or my jacket 

Instead of my character 

I remember with hope in my heart that soon I’m leaving to Shimer 

I remember that it’s different here. 

I remember that it’s not perfect but it’s my safe haven
I have my classes where there is compassion and a real understanding I joke openly and honestly with friends, true friends 

I laugh and sip my coffee and smile.

We struggle through essays, shimer plagues, and meetings together, helping one another. 

A United front.

I rejoice at the freedom to be exactly as I am never reduced to something I’m not, and liked for who I choose to be.
I go back home. I try to articulate my point and am met with adversity on the car ride home and instantly I want to go back.

I want to go back to feeling whole.

I fall silent and rush downstairs where there is my music, my books, and me. 

The Giver and Taylor Swift and Avril Lavenge and Hamlet and F. Scott Fitzgerald. 

In that moment there is no comfort.

Sometimes we get along and I don’t understand why we ever fight. 

Everything is suddenly kind and relaxed. A euphoria.

There is kindness, 22 years of history in this home. 

Until I ask a question or say the wrong thing. Then I get up off the couch, I fold my blanket and go to bed with tears rolling down my face that I quickly wipe away.
The next morning is Wednesday I will be at Shimer all day and then there is assembly.

People grumble about the morning as I make coffee, a tiny cup and iron my crisp white shirt. I have my lunch made and backpack ready. I’m ready to leave. This time Im meeting the yelling about being late with kind words. I offer my help.

I recognize taking the good and bad is key. 
But, then there is this miracle.

This gem of happiness that I touch 

With my soul as

The moment I step into the building something inside me changes. 

A sense of calm sweeps over me.

My friends and teachers are just beyond those steps. Open lounge where I eat my breakfast is right there. My world is that floor and its inhibiates.

Here I am free to think, to say, to want, to be. To more than exist.

That is what Shimer means to me.