Picture Perfect Days

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for me the picture perfect days
are in a cabin in the snowy woods
the only house for acres
a glance at the lake, hot chocolate
a stroll through the brush
a warm cabin
with all the comforts of home
gentle music and board games
making snowangels
staring into the night sky
realizing you’ve escaped the rountine!

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Ode to quiet mornings

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I quickly awake
My glasses I take
From a large stack of books
As I take a long look
And the current time
And I feel sublime
I leap out of bed and turn on my lamp near my head
I proceed to think of what to wear while I make my bed
Yes, I make it every single day
Because I prefer it that way
I organize clothes and clutter
Whatever tune I want, I quietly mutter
No one else is even awake
So full advantage of that, I take
I go and recognize the quiet I have for hours
Summoning my greatest powers
I take a quick shower
I make delicious coffee
I begin listening to music
And writing some new poetry
Whatever comes to me
In the corners of my mind
I find peace and calm
I do not have a single qualm
About how long it took
To read that book
Okay, it was only 3 or 4 days
I like to read faster anyways
I manage my pace
As I embrace
This truly serene space
I think about all things
That can, are, or may be happening
This is how I prepare for my day
Ode to quiet mornings
May you forever in my heart and mind stay
You bring forth a serene and joyous, boundless, happy new day

Happy

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Dust off the old photos I found
Recognize the essence of my soul in every frame
Recognize these photos are my reality
They are moments when I was truly happy
Remember the old me
I forgot how many times I was happy
Lately I’ve been quite sick
And been quick
To accept my misery
However
Going through all the poems
All the pictures
I remember
Beauty
Joy
Love
Happiness
Family
Warmth
Nature
Wonder
I’ve been forgetting that happiness
Is right there
I can reach out and touch it
I decide I will
I decide there’s no more time to kill
And what a thrill
These old memories
Have brought to mind
That I was, am, and can be
Happy

Absolutely Fearless: my life story!

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15 years ago today
In the middle of a bright, warm September day
They had to take me away to the hospital
To see what was going on with me
They ran so many tests and they were all very stressed
I was completely terrified
So I hid and I wept and cried
And frankly I wondered
No one knew what was to come
No one knew where it all came from
From such a happy child to frighteningly sick
My diagnosis was something I never heard of
So I thought wow, I’m so lucky let’s go home
Boy was I wrong as can be
I didn’t know the challenges in front of me

The time began to tick
They told me that there was no way I could finish school no way!
But I was certainly no darn fool
My mom pushed the high school hard and then they pushed back
My mom was a Rock star like J.J. Watt and she got the sack
I went in there with positive spirit
And it’s alive in this poem
Can you hear it?
I finished high school, finished so incredibly strong
Held my head extremely high, not a thing could be wrong

Then community college came along
I always knew I wanted to write
So I took that dream and I held it so tight I clutched that dream with all my might
And one night in 2010 I began to have real joy again
I wrote for the school paper and with utter glee
The words and phrases they just came to me: epiphany
Movie Reviews were my thing
God, I could really make the page sing
I’m in clubs like ecology and making friends
But that’s not how my story ends

In 2013 I discovered my saving grace – Shimer college
I decided that was my new dream
The pages on the table literally gleamed
The sun a ray of light casting hope on the page
As I took that pamphlet that my remarkable teacher had
I thought cool, now I’m going to MY school
A school of insight, bliss, and love
A school that was high above
Anything I could ever foresee
And then wonderful things happened to me
There was pain and suffering still
But I made it because I said I will

I made wonderful friends and learned things I couldn’t fathom
My studies were my love and joy
My friends were abundant and present
My classes were quite demanding
Their gift to me from my teachers :their complete understanding
I went on a spectrum of studies
And I had some grief and strive
But I had more in me and had the time of my life
Orange Horse and Solidarity
(Because everyone has seen the phoenix fly)
Two school events
Relished by me
After Aristotle, Darwin, Copernicus, Lerner and so much more it came
After Priestley, Dante, Shakespeare, Bell Hooks, and Woolf
After Gödel, Einstein, Virgil, Kant, and Augustine
After Humanities 3 and wondering deeply about my faith
After Fem Theories and two incredible senior classes
The big day, the end of me as a student came
April 29th 2017 was a day
Where they handed me the diploma and I internally screamed hurray!
I will never forget hearing my name and walking the stage to my happy ending
And a new beginning

Where I am now compared to where I was
All the hard work I put in and my family and friends
All the dark places I found myself in
I got out of them with perseverance, I got the win
Why?
It was because of love
Because you don’t quit when times are so tough
You are strong enough
So I will rise, with a loving family
And a college degree
And for all those who ever doubted me
You only ignited my passion to succeed
And now at 28 sometimes when I think that I’m too late
Too late to live my life
That I missed out
I pause
I take a moment, I take a breath, and realize
I’m just getting started
There’s so much life left to go

Absolutely Fearless

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15 years ago today
In the middle of a bright, warm September day
They had to take me away to the hospital
To see what was going on with me
They ran so many tests and they were all very stressed
I was completely terrified
So I hid and I wept and cried
And frankly I wondered
No one knew what was to come
No one knew where it all came from
From such a happy child to frighteningly sick

My diagnosis was something I never heard of
So I thought wow, I’m so lucky let’s go home
Boy was I wrong as can be
I didn’t know the challenges in front of me

The time began to tick
They told me that there was no way I could finish school no way!
But I was certainly no darn fool
My mom pushed the high school hard and then they pushed back
My mom was a Rock star like J.J. Watt and she got the sack
I went in there with positive spirit
And it’s alive in this poem
Can you hear it?
I finished high school, finished so incredibly strong
Held my head extremely high, not a thing could be wrong

Then community college came along
I always knew I wanted to write
So I took that dream and I held it so tight – I clutched that dream with all my might
And one night in 2010 I began to have real joy again
I wrote for the school paper and with utter glee
The words and phrases they just came to me: epiphany
Movie Reviews were my thing
God, I could really make the page sing
I’m in clubs like ecology and making friends
But that’s not how my story ends

In 2013 I discovered my saving grace – Shimer college
I decided that was my new dream
The pages on the table literally gleamed
The sun a ray of light casting hope on the page
As I took that pamphlet that my remarkable teacher had
I thought cool, now I’m going to MY school
A school of insight, bliss, and love
A school that was high above
Anything I could ever foresee
And then wonderful things happened to me
There was pain and suffering still
But I made it because I said I will

I made true friends and learned things I couldn’t fathom
My studies were my love and joy
My friends were abundant and present
My classes were quite demanding
Their gift to me from my teachers: their complete understanding
I went on a spectrum of studies
And I had some grief and strive
But I had more in me and had the time of my life
Orange Horse and Solidarity
(Because everyone has seen the phoenix fly)
Two school events
Relished by me

 

After Aristotle, Darwin, Copernicus, Lerner and so much more it came
After Priestley, Dante, Shakespeare, Bell Hooks, and Woolf
After Gödel, Einstein, Virgil, Kant, and Augustine
After Humanities 3 and wondering deeply about my faith
After Fem Theories and two incredible senior classes
The big day, the end of me as a student came
April 29th 2017 was a day
Where they handed me the diploma and I internally screamed hurray!
I will never forget hearing my name and walking the stage to my happy ending
And a new beginning

Where I am now compared to where I was
All the hard work I put in and my family and friends
All the dark places I found myself in
I got out of them with perseverance, I got the win
Why?
It was because of love
Because you don’t quit when times are so tough
You are strong enough
So I will rise, with a loving family
And a college degree
And for all those who ever doubted me
You only ignited my passion to succeed
And now at 28 sometimes when I think that I’m too late
Too late to live my life
That I missed out
I pause
I take a moment, I take a breath, and realize
I’m just getting started
There’s so much life left to go

What if there is more to us?

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I despair so I type.

He responds swiftly.

Kindly, gently, but firmly.

I make the tea,

I cry the tears.

“You can’t cry forever”.

It’s not mean, it’s true.

I know it comes from trying to help.

So, I wash my face.

I watch House of Cards.

I finish my laundry.

When I mediate

I do as he said 

And I almost fall asleep

Not a care in the world, all of a sudden this shift.

After I type this

I will tell him

How magical the mediation he suggested was

I care

I care so much

I care so very much

I don’t want to lose a friend

I want him to know how I feel because

But what if there’s more to us?

I can’t take my mind off of you

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It was our very first date

You were right on time or a little late

I was so nervous I don’t actually know the time

You drove a silver Honda

The car was parked. And slowly,

You came out to greet me

I met you with nervousness but also glee

We traveled to the train station

Missed the train so we waited

And soccer vs. football we contemplated

I’m so very lucky conversation went so well

Because the entire time I thought,

I can’t take my eyes off you…

But now that it’s been over so long

I can’t take my mind off of you…