My House Moves to its own Beat Completely

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My house moves to its own beat completely
Quietly, quickly, orderly, neatly
Its turns and it drums
As the curtains do waves
The air conditioner
Giving a wild display, a path it paves
The way for the icemaker
The sleeptaker
The sound maker
The insinuator of
Click Click Clack

My house moves to its own beat completely
It grooves and moves a mystery
It dances it prances
Draws lances with nearby houses
It lurks and jerks
And ticks and tocks
It bores and roars
It laughs and it snores
It squeaks just like a mouse
And filled with life my full house
Swells and propels joy
With each little trinket and toy

My house moves to a beat
Its own completely
Shrieking, come see
What makes me tick
Come meet me It invites it delights
Excites you to the bone It gives you peace of mind
It listens to you for long hours when you are on the phone
Alone and it moans
Its bark is worse than its bite,
When a mess it’s not a pretty sight
It has the ability to enchant you with books,
Good looks, in every cranny and nook

My house moves to a beat
Completely its own
It bubbles, has plenty of troubles
But mostly it’s home

Dreams. They Never Retire.

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Dreams. Some of us have them. Some of us do not. Sometimes. All the time. Somewhere and everywhere. There are sometimes built over time with posters in bed rooms, movies running in our minds, and hope in our hearts. As with some movies, these can take unexpected and sometimes unfortunate turns. Because sometimes we get sick. We forfeit the championship game before the try-outs even start. We hang up our soccer shoes and remember things like the nick names we got while we attempted to fulfill them. Bruiser was my nickname and a part of my dream. Soccer was my sport, defense was my position. Then after eighth grade I got sick, and sophomore year called for no more P.E. period for me. Funny how some dreams bring other ones into light. The dream to create. Write. Compose. To be part of something bigger than yourself. To change views. How to be humble. My junior year I stepped into this new world and new dreams were pressed on fast forward. Dreams. You never really forget your dreams. To be a writer, runner, and Lover. They stay with you as you complete your morning jog, your bacon cheese burger, your chores, your romantic dinner, your fight with your roommate. As much as you try to alienate yourself from them. They call to you. To be social was another dream I never fully held on to but my bubbly personality came through and I have wonderful friends. Love, it seemed to always be slipping from my grasp when finally it seemed it had never existed. Perhaps this is the year. Now on the in-betweens, I’m trying to envision new dreams. Not to replace old ones. To be a smile now. You see funny thing about dreams. They never retire.

Taking the same train

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Tears streaming down onto my skirt
Tears completely drowning my shirt
But I no longer care
I just sit there
Drip, Drip, Drip
Until I can cry no more
I exit through the door
And take my train home
And wonder what could have been
If we ended up together
Then I won’t be soaked in tears
I wouldn’t be bewildered
Because we would be a unit
A team, lovers and friends
Taking the same train
To the same home

The House on Wagner Road

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There’s this house
Up on Wagner Road
It’s in an excellent neighborhood
Good schools,really nice people
I sense I could create truly striking things
My children will become successful and wise
Maybe even quarterbacks or court justices
Maybe anything they can dream of and more
If I buy this house on Wagner Road
I need to have an extremely high paying profession
And a husband to help support us
If I buy this house on Wagner road

I will have the greenest lawn in the entire city
After all the grass is greener when you paint it (when you do it yourself)
I will have a precious, blooming rose garden
A giant multi-colored brick walk way
A huge garage where my Land Rover craves the road
And a feeling of being a somebody
If I buy that house on Wagner road

If I live alone
On this house on Wagner Road
I will become like The Beast from Disney
A stunning house and life but no one to share it with
Because one is the loneliest number in this case

All of these are possible
If only I love and live
At that house on Wagner Road
Because the only thing worse than dying in a
An exquisite house
Is dying alone

So
I will find my Mr. Right
The man who makes me weak with his smile and eyes
The man who takes me just as I am
Together we will forge a life together
Full of laughter, joy, and love
Get through all the hard times together
In the splendid house on Wagner Road

The meaning of the season…

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Christmas time is practically here

I feel it in the love of people that are dear

Are dear to me because I know

After Christmas they have to go

Go back home but before I burst

I know that this home was their first

The music playing so beautifully

Michael Buble’s voice serenading me

The food so delicious, the aroma fills the air

I want to just stop and stare

I want to capture this one perfect moment

And not let it slip

Slowly I’m losing my grip

The tears begin to drip

Because there is so much love

When we are all together

For the worse or for the better

We stand as united as one

Our love as a family will overcome

Any obstacle, any test

So this Christmas season I’ll do my best

To remember that the reason for the season is closeness to God above

But the meaning of the season is your heart being filled with love

When Crumbling Hearts can wait no Longer

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Indescribable pain
Flows steadily through my veins
Someone is working
Freaky voodoo
Or some possible curse
But my heart burns like a wound
Blessed with salt for good measure
For crumbling hearts can wait no longer

It seems now that everyone, er
That there is always a girl better than me
For my potential romance
I hope I’m good enough soon
For crumbling hearts can wait no longer

I don’t want to be exquisite anymore
I just want to be loved by someone
Eyes now brimming with tears
I say this
Love is never wasted
Only misguided
I need an arrow to guide me
Perhaps me he will be remarkable
A soft smile, tall
Eyes that always tell you something
A strong-willed funny
Understanding, patient
Willing to sacrifice
Someone who I care about so much
That nothing would come between us
Because crumbling hearts can wait no longer

Tousle my hair, caress my neck
Explain to me why sometimes we let things go
The sight of him stops conversation, and makes a smile grow

How about this?
We’ll meet for coffee and
Laugh at well something mildly amusing
Oh yes and kiss,
Well there’s a first time for everything
And that would be a start

Absolutely Fearless: my life story!

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15 years ago today
In the middle of a bright, warm September day
They had to take me away to the hospital
To see what was going on with me
They ran so many tests and they were all very stressed
I was completely terrified
So I hid and I wept and cried
And frankly I wondered
No one knew what was to come
No one knew where it all came from
From such a happy child to frighteningly sick
My diagnosis was something I never heard of
So I thought wow, I’m so lucky let’s go home
Boy was I wrong as can be
I didn’t know the challenges in front of me

The time began to tick
They told me that there was no way I could finish school no way!
But I was certainly no darn fool
My mom pushed the high school hard and then they pushed back
My mom was a Rock star like J.J. Watt and she got the sack
I went in there with positive spirit
And it’s alive in this poem
Can you hear it?
I finished high school, finished so incredibly strong
Held my head extremely high, not a thing could be wrong

Then community college came along
I always knew I wanted to write
So I took that dream and I held it so tight I clutched that dream with all my might
And one night in 2010 I began to have real joy again
I wrote for the school paper and with utter glee
The words and phrases they just came to me: epiphany
Movie Reviews were my thing
God, I could really make the page sing
I’m in clubs like ecology and making friends
But that’s not how my story ends

In 2013 I discovered my saving grace – Shimer college
I decided that was my new dream
The pages on the table literally gleamed
The sun a ray of light casting hope on the page
As I took that pamphlet that my remarkable teacher had
I thought cool, now I’m going to MY school
A school of insight, bliss, and love
A school that was high above
Anything I could ever foresee
And then wonderful things happened to me
There was pain and suffering still
But I made it because I said I will

I made wonderful friends and learned things I couldn’t fathom
My studies were my love and joy
My friends were abundant and present
My classes were quite demanding
Their gift to me from my teachers :their complete understanding
I went on a spectrum of studies
And I had some grief and strive
But I had more in me and had the time of my life
Orange Horse and Solidarity
(Because everyone has seen the phoenix fly)
Two school events
Relished by me
After Aristotle, Darwin, Copernicus, Lerner and so much more it came
After Priestley, Dante, Shakespeare, Bell Hooks, and Woolf
After Gödel, Einstein, Virgil, Kant, and Augustine
After Humanities 3 and wondering deeply about my faith
After Fem Theories and two incredible senior classes
The big day, the end of me as a student came
April 29th 2017 was a day
Where they handed me the diploma and I internally screamed hurray!
I will never forget hearing my name and walking the stage to my happy ending
And a new beginning

Where I am now compared to where I was
All the hard work I put in and my family and friends
All the dark places I found myself in
I got out of them with perseverance, I got the win
Why?
It was because of love
Because you don’t quit when times are so tough
You are strong enough
So I will rise, with a loving family
And a college degree
And for all those who ever doubted me
You only ignited my passion to succeed
And now at 28 sometimes when I think that I’m too late
Too late to live my life
That I missed out
I pause
I take a moment, I take a breath, and realize
I’m just getting started
There’s so much life left to go