Be my flame

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It comes and goes in waves
Coldest April
Come forth
Burn
Smolder
It couldn’t be colder
Ignite
This cold night
Be my flmae

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Screaming and Silence

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But without a job and
Without him
Without those two things
It feels like I just go through the motions
It feels overwhelming and numb
It feels like screaming and silence
Want to be thankful
I have a roof over my head
I have an abundance of food
I have a place to sleep
I have a loving family
I have good friends
I have what I need
But what if those two things I want
Are also what I need?
Are there a handful of some magic words I can say
And then everything will be okay?

Self-destruct

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You gave me all the love
All the love
In your quiet, subtle way
That’s why it meant so much
Although different worlds
Different views
Different accents
Different beds
Different skies
Different states
You listened to me
You were patient
You tried to push me
To get closer
You opened up to me
I freaked out
I ran away
I fell on my face
Now far from grace
I’m so blue
Trying to get close to you
Am I even breathing?

Unravelling because I’m at arms length

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You hold me at arms length
Not letting me in
I hurt you more then once
Not aware of my destruction
Until you told me fully
I wonder
Can you keep me close
Can you love me most?
I crave your good mornings
And your good nights
But I get occasional hellos
We talk like we barely know each other
Slowly things inside me start to unravel
Slowly things inside me shatter
When you explain how unwanted you felt
When I left you
I try to explain I was scared
I try to to rationalize my actions
But you deserve so much more
You say trusting me will take time
I should be happy you are giving me a chance
But I rupture
Because I miss us
I know you guard your heart
I know you want space
I know it’s my fault
But inside my brain, there are chemicals
And they won’t fade
I hope you can forgive me
Because it feels so hallow so numb
Without you

You are the reason

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Everyday I wake
A huge breath of fresh air I take
I think about you when I am up
Colliding thoughts of us
I make such a fuss
Of showering, brushing teeth, cleaning the house
But when I think of you
I’m calm
It washes over me like a calming wind
Because I know in my heart
The reason I smile all the time
The reason I jump out of bed
The reason I’m myself
Or a better version of myself
The reason I’m giddy
I’m a million things at once
I’m a wild rush
I’m madly in love
I’m a mess
But I’m happy
I hope you are too
Because I love who I am
And You
You are the reason

So we can beat as one

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I keep hoping we are meant to be
Everytime you talk to me
But right now you are so busy
Doubt seeps in
I begin to stress out again
I strive for some balance
Worrying all the time is my Achilles heel.
I keep hoping we are meant to be
Everytime you talk to me
I hope tonight you are less busy
So I can connect my heart to yours
So we can beat as one