The opposite of another you

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Another you to hug
Another you to hold
Another you to laugh with
Another you to listen to me
Another you to care
Another you to understand
Another you to watch movies
Another you to eat dinner
Another you to peruse bookstores with
Another you to miss
No
I don’t want another you
You left me
You abandoned us
You didn’t care one bit
You went your own way without a second thought
You left me to stare
You left me cold
You left so bold
You hurt me so much
I shivered at the idea of seeing you
I want someone to truly care
I want someone who won’t just leave
I want someone to love
I want someone to kiss
I want someone I will miss
I want someone to be there
I want someone to stay when things are hard
I want someone through think and thin
So really,
I want literally the opposite
Of another you

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We are all shipwrecks

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Misguided souls
Trying to turn back
Lost in a long, perilous journey
Filled with regret or hope
Attempting to remain somebody
But until then
I, along with all of you
We are just floating along in this life
When really
Despite our greatest efforts
Despite everything we do
Water is pouring in through every crack
We are sinking
Drowning
Until repairs can be made
Until we are no longer afraid
We all make mistakes
And for now
I’m afraid
We are all shipwrecks

Ledge, Wings, and Memories

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These poems these memories
They boil up with me
Sending me nostalgically
Into what I want to be
Blending words like chemistry
Expressing my life into an expository
Talking about things
Talking about flying with my pair of wings
Talking about new beginnings
Old endings
The reals and the pretend endings
Talking about acting like yourself
Not like anyone else
I dive off the edge
I smash into the ledge
I brush off the pain
I look for whom to blame
And someone who can tame
The wild within me
Before I turn this into the never-ending story
I’ll sign off, still seeking eternal glory!

A little luck

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My hair’s not frizzy it’s right in place
My mind is dizzy, flying through space
Last night of dreamed of my friend Nate
And beautiful art work we did create
What controls our thoughts and dreams?
What controls our desires and hopes?
It seems mine are too expansive
Because they aren’t coming true
And soon I won’t know what to do
Dreams are the best because they are free
But I feel my dreams slowly trapping me
Job prospects are grim
Romance is nowhere to be seen
So I go to the gym
I try to eat right
I read, volunteer
Then I say goodnight
After word games and tv
Sleep takes over me
Wondering have I tried hard enough
Or perhaps I need a little luck
A little luck to carry me through
And until I find it
Work even harder, that’s what I’ll do

Utopia

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Chasing wiry clouds
Chasing the harsh winds
Chasing the echo of your voice
Chasing the chance you love me
Chasing the feelings you causing me to have

Running from the angry voices
Running from the agony that’s ripping my chest
Running from the fact that home is no longer where the heart is
Running from shredded dreams and dashed hopes
Running from the failure that is me

Escaping to silence
Escaping to where no one knows me
Escaping to where the bar isn’t set so high I can’t even see it
Escaping to where the problems end and new ones begin, ones I can cope with

This is my utopia
Silence
New Beginning
And if you kid yourself for long enough
The fact that you are here and your life is else where
That line between truth and fiction
Sort of just fizzes away
Utopia At least I know my place here
And I can bare it
For now

What really breaks me

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Watching the Pianist
An inevitable fate escaped
For the composer anyway
Seeing the look on a battered girl’s face
Makes it hard to swallow
Infidelity to your significant other
The act of mass murder, those planes smashing building, flying with deathly force
Breaks my thoughts, how could someone do that
More importantly how can you live with yourself
Some little kid finding out
There is no Santa Claus
Hate Crimes
People who hate themselves
Realizing that the people who
You thought cared
Don’t even know you, not really
When something beautiful or someone
Shatters
When a girl can’t have a first dance
At her wedding with her dad
Because she doesn’t have one
When two people destined for each other
Die one of them dies
When a “friend” stabs me in the back
And wants to be “friends”
When people don’t have the guts to apologize
When a baby cries because it was born addicted
No choice in the matter
Or when a baby is aborted
When someone torments animals
When the media showcases something
But the real meaning is lost
When someone gets away with murder
Disrespecting the elderly
Purposely embarrassing someone or hurting
Their feelings with cruel pranks/jokes
When people are led on
All these things break me
But number one
Is how you glance at me
How you joke around with me Hug me and advise me
Inside everything is so completely traumatized from what you’ve done
The hardest part is learning to be lonely so everyone thinks your fine
Really metaphorically your soul is drunk with the wine WE were to share
That’s what really breaks me, more then a national disaster it’s YOU
You batter my emotions with memories and photos that burn my insides
I can’t feel happiness anymore it’s all cold, a mass of the broken pieces glued together
Expertly by me but with a tiny ice pick you
With that smile, messy hair- break it all over again…

A new success, a new hope is near

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In April I became a college graduate

It was truly a challenge

But I never once quit

No matter the challenge I never gave up

Of course there were times where I had enough

And sometimes I wouldn’t even know why

I would shut down, break down and cry

But all the fears

From all those years

Melted away

As I made my way

Across the stage

And as I grabbed my diploma

I turned the page

Wild success

I wore my new dress

Because I have backed down

I knew that with my illness

There was a greater fight

I worked tirelessly every day and every night

I kept a schedule and I slept

I achieved my goal of my greatness goal which was a degree

Now the job struggle is real

Sometimes I think I cannot deal

But I recall all the things I did to get here

And I now a new success, a new hope is near

If I work hard, prayer harder, and think smarter

I will have a new chapter appear

I didn’t work so hard just to quit

I am a woman of sharp wit

So I will buckle down and no matter what happens now

I vow that I will

Keep on going and more still

When I fail and fall I will get back up

Dust myself off, ice the bruises

Because Maria Pondo never loses

While fighting the good fight

And while doing that my heart will ignite!