The places I can’t go

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I’m a blob of existence
trembling in the wind
exploding
with the rage of the things I can’t be
and the places I can’t go.

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Words Rupture Bone

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Earth shattering screams erupt
Disrupting my current turmoil
But it’s all quiet
Just disaster in my mind
Everyone is talking to me
Pulling me every which way
Giving me advice
I am drowning in words
That aren’t my own
I want to put a seal around my heart
To protect it
I would like time alone
Not to feel lonely like I often do
I want the stillness of alone
The calm of quiet
Words rupture bones
And tear at scars
But not me
I’m letting my mind
Drown out their words
Others can suffocate in their own advice
But not me
The storm clouds rain despair
Upon my unsuspecting heart
Me

I’ve been here all along, all alone.

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Is anybody out there?

I’ve been here all along.

Praying
Pacing
Spacing out
Screaming
Silence
Agony
Sharp
Numb
Cold
Fear
Running
Darkness
Tunnel
Noise
I startle
I strain to hear…

Is anybody out there?

Can you take this weight of mine?

It’s choking me.

I’m drowning with the weight of my world on my shoulders.

I’ve been here all along, all alone.

Cry

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I’m scared of the dark
And who might be lurking there
I’m scared of going outside at night
And finding someone hiding there
I’m scared of storms
I’m scared of planes
I’m scared when hail
Comes down when it rains
I fear tomorrow
I fear today
I fear that I will waste away
From all this fear

I’m scared of running
Running so fast
That I’ll be at the
Edge of the Earth
And run right past
I wish that you’d come
To hold me at last

But I hope you
Don’t come to me
Because more than the
Planes or stalkers killing me
I’m afraid of your mind games,
Afraid of you hurting me
I fear this more than anything

My heart will never heal
With these feelings
I will always be left alone to deal
All I want is an explanation, a reason
Of why, why you’ve ripped my heart to shreds
And left me here to cry

Self-destruct

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You gave me all the love
All the love
In your quiet, subtle way
That’s why it meant so much
Although different worlds
Different views
Different accents
Different beds
Different skies
Different states
You listened to me
You were patient
You tried to push me
To get closer
You opened up to me
I freaked out
I ran away
I fell on my face
Now far from grace
I’m so blue
Trying to get close to you
Am I even breathing?

I hope I’m worthy

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It was my fault
I don’t know what to do
I ran from your affection
And I deeply hurt you
In my dreams
It seems we are meant to be
In reality what are we?
Can we come back to christmas eve?
To when you said “I love you, Maria.”
It was the most beautiful thing I’ve heard.
I tarnished it.
I thought you would see
Why you should give up on me
But you forgive and try again
I hope I deserve your love.
I hope I’m worthy.