Late at morning or early at night

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Sometimes it hurts just to speak
Sometimes it hurts just to think
Sometimes it hurts just to utter words

Because it’s been so long
Since I had free reign
And now that I’ll applying to jobs
And interviewing
And rhyming
And joking with guys
And eating large cheese fries
I devise a plan
Shop til I drop

But sometimes
Late at morning or early at night
I ponder and wonder
What do I want?

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Maddening Intensity of Calm and Ease

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I leave the car slowly and
I see you, it’s you… and I feel butterflies
I feel a sense of anticipation.
We embrace and we walk towards the restaurant
I feel each step as I walk next to you
It feels natural, like we’ve walked together before
Except we haven’t
We smile and walk up to the counter
Breathe in…
You ask, Do you know what you want?
I say Yes, I always get the same thing.
You glance the menu and we order.
Breathe out…
We wait a long time for our food.
But I feel it.
Standing there.
Glancing at you.
I feel stillness.
I feel calm.
I feel peace.
I feel traquail next to you.
I breathe nice and even breaths. I smile. I laugh.
We talk through the evening and it’s so nice.
I feel calm sipping tea and I listen to you.
I appreciate your casual attire.
It calms me.
I dressed up too much…
It feels effortless being with you.
I don’t feel maddening intensity except I do.
I feel maddening intensity of joy.
Maddening intensity of calm and ease.
Of our first meeting.

You are the reason

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Everyday I wake
A huge breath of fresh air I take
I think about you when I am up
Colliding thoughts of us
I make such a fuss
Of showering, brushing teeth, cleaning the house
But when I think of you
I’m calm
It washes over me like a calming wind
Because I know in my heart
The reason I smile all the time
The reason I jump out of bed
The reason I’m myself
Or a better version of myself
The reason I’m giddy
I’m a million things at once
I’m a wild rush
I’m madly in love
I’m a mess
But I’m happy
I hope you are too
Because I love who I am
And You
You are the reason

Fly

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Between all of the awful things that keep happening I hope this is the last. I want the bad things to stop hitting me like a train. My body cannot get over the shock of one before the next one strikes. I need a break. It’s so much to happen at once. My soul is crumbling apart. Happiness, joy, love, and balance are hemorrhaging out of my system and bitterness, angry, and sadness are being sucked in their place. I want the good things back. It’s like when I was a little girl and I was drowning. My uncle got me out of the cold water but not before a good scare. This time the water is colder. It’s deeper and more vast and opaque. And I can’t keep my head above water. It is like there are weights attached to my legs hell-bent on filling my lungs with water and taking me away from Earth. I keep ripping them off but new ones lock on tight. No one can save me. I need to do this on my own. The weights off. And swim fly jump just get away. To happiness, joy, love, and balance.

Follow my lead

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Read the best books
Climb the highest trees
Swim the deepest waters
Reach the highest mountains
Eat the biggest ice cream cone
Buy the car you want
Buy whatever you wish
Wear those shoes
Wear that coat
Sing that song and loud
Dance until you pant
Right that wrong
Decorate
Paint
Stroll
Drink
Run
Whatever you are meant to do
Go forth and do it
If you are afraid to
If you are hesitant
If time has stopped you
If fear has
Don’t worry
I will fold up your fears
I will hold you hands
Follow my lead