I’m a blob of existence trembling in the wind…

I’m a blob of existence
trembling in the wind
exploding with the rage
of the things I can’t be
and the places I can’t go.

I’ve been here all along, all alone.

Is anybody out there?

I’ve been here all along.

Praying
Pacing
Spacing out
Screaming
Silence
Agony
Sharp
Numb
Cold
Fear
Running
Darkness
Tunnel
Noise
I startle
I strain to hear…

Is anybody out there?

Can you take this weight of mine?

It’s choking me.

I’m drowning with the weight of my world on my shoulders.

I’ve been here all along, all alone.

Can you lead me to the light?

So very Cold
Prick Prick Prick
Such deep Coughing
Sick Sick Sick
Trembling Sad
Weep Weep Weep
Sudden Noise
Creep Creep Creep
Intense Fear
Yell Yell Yell
Blazing Sad
Hell Hell Hell
Daylight?
You? You? You?
Is it you?

Hurricane Brain

It hasn’t really been this bad
I’m beyond sad
I’m numb as they come
So many things going wrong
I’m trying to be strong
I got a message yesterday
That caused agony
My stomach is sick
The cause unknown
Trying to fix something I broke
Before it’s too late
Right now
It’s twirling
It’s swirling
It’s swelling
I can’t bare the pain
Of my
Hurricane Brain

What really breaks me

Watching the Pianist
An inevitable fate escaped
For the composer anyway
Seeing the look on a battered girl’s face
Makes it hard to swallow
Infidelity to your significant other
The act of mass murder, those planes smashing building, flying with deathly force
Breaks my thoughts, how could someone do that
More importantly how can you live with yourself
Some little kid finding out
There is no Santa Claus
Hate Crimes
People who hate themselves
Realizing that the people who
You thought cared
Don’t even know you, not really
When something beautiful or someone
Shatters
When a girl can’t have a first dance
At her wedding with her dad
Because she doesn’t have one
When two people destined for each other
Die one of them dies
When a “friend” stabs me in the back
And wants to be “friends”
When people don’t have the guts to apologize
When a baby cries because it was born addicted
No choice in the matter
Or when a baby is aborted
When someone torments animals
When the media showcases something
But the real meaning is lost
When someone gets away with murder
Disrespecting the elderly
Purposely embarrassing someone or hurting
Their feelings with cruel pranks/jokes
When people are led on
All these things break me
But number one
Is how you glance at me
How you joke around with me Hug me and advise me
Inside everything is so completely traumatized from what you’ve done
The hardest part is learning to be lonely so everyone thinks your fine
Really metaphorically your soul is drunk with the wine WE were to share
That’s what really breaks me, more then a national disaster it’s YOU
You batter my emotions with memories and photos that burn my insides
I can’t feel happiness anymore it’s all cold, a mass of the broken pieces glued together
Expertly by me but with a tiny ice pick you
With that smile, messy hair- break it all over again…

To dissipate like snowflakes in the ocean and disappear …

My once calming joyful bliss
Suddenly sprinkled with blurred sickening sadness
Because long ago you and I were together
I still vividly remember you
And I remember every time we were together
Until we weren’t
I recall your laughter, your voice
Your kindness and the warmth you exuded – that was your choice
Most of all I remember you cruel words
And you know what
They still hurt
I remember when I ran into you
Downtown recently
I froze as you took off you sunglasses and approached me
I was completely numb and scared
Completely unprepared
I thought I felt nothing but
I had so much to say
That all dissolved when you displayed your wedding ring
My words just flushed away
It made me sick
I wanted to kick the ground and scream
What could I do?
I did the right thing, I congratulated you.
I never remember a moment more clear
Than that moment because I literally wanted
To dissipate like snowflakes in the ocean and disappear …

Blur

I ponder this

Something is amiss

In my head and in my heart

Something’s tearing me apart

29 and can’t find love at all

Am I cursed to sit against this wall

That I cannot break free from

My heart beats like a drum

To a somber tune

From January to June

From June to December

All I can remember is

That I’m without the other

And as another year passes

I feel it slip away from me

The grand vision of love

I used to once clearly see

Now I think we can all concur

That instead of a face, a place, a true love

Even without tears streaming

All I can see, it’s completely a

Blur