When my heart shreds

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Two years of trying
Two years of flirting
Two years of skirting the issue
Of us
Now I’m through
Now I’ve poured out my heart to you
Which I should have done from the start
Which would have saved me agony, burning, self-loathing
My heart burst because of it all
My anger rose when you didn’t have the guts to explain why
Why didn’t you try?
I tried so hard it obliterated rational thought
I was hoping that the last time it healed
I was hoping that was real
Instead it ruptures
Instead it shreds
Now I’m going to move move forward
Now I’m going to move ahead
For a while longer though the pain will linger
For a while I’ll weep because I feel like a fool
Pain is making me insane
I’ll have to heal again
Pick up the dislodged pieces
Mend a broken heart
Go back to start
Until then it’s shreds
Shreds of what never was
No blame
No game
I’m looking for a healing feeling
My mind is reeling
Slowing though, I’m peeling away at the emotions
Until the commotions cease
Only then will I find peace
Then the pain will lessen
And joy will increase
The next time I pour my heart into someone
Maybe they will return my feelings
I would look for him
And he will look for me
And together we’ll see
It was all worth it
In the End.

Tear stained soul

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Tear Stained soul
Won’t allow real streams
In my most glorious dream
You are there
Caressing my hair
In my despair
I forget
That my tear stained soul
Has loved once
And when I find you
Will love again

The boy is philosophy

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Grinning from ear to ear
It’s just your voice I hear
I look at you and cannot cease
Your smile soft, full of peace
There is so much that I can’t say
Instead I stare at you kinda sideways
We always discuss things before class
My mind just shatters like glass cuz
I know unless I make a move
We will never have a chance
At some overrated not understood
Version of romance so
I smile back and hope that
You break your vow
Of silence and continue your advance towards me
I waiting now
You eyes they sparkle
Like frost and glitter
So I will write bad poetry
And fantasize about being carried in your arms
Until the 12th of December you have
When term ends
Good Luck

It commands me no more.

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I want to take it
Away from your hand
That power only you have over me
It’s one I can’t stand
I want to take it
And twist it and turn it
Take it deep in the woods and burn it
I want to stop feeding your powers
With a beaming smile and joking conversation
I want to take away your smile’s sensation
I think I’ll bend it
Reverse it to you
So that way you’ll feel it
You’ll love me
The way I love you
I mean,
If it can’t be destroyed
I wish it changes its spell
The powers of heaven and hell
Clash before my eyes
My only prize
Is knowing I’ll see you again
But this is a double ended sword
The other end is your powers
Your purple pixie dust
That activates when our eyes meet
It’s the best pleasure in my life
And the worst torment at the same time
A paradox – that’s your true power
You have my in rapture one moment
Then captured by tears the next
Unable to breath, swallow, or move.
I want to take it, shatter and break it
There. Now it is done.
Now, It commands me no more.

To dissipate like snowflakes in the ocean and disappear …

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My once calming joyful bliss
Suddenly sprinkled with blurred sickening sadness
Because long ago you and I were together
I still vividly remember you
And I remember every time we were together
Until we weren’t
I recall your laughter, your voice
Your kindness and the warmth you exuded – that was your choice
Most of all I remember you cruel words
And you know what
They still hurt
I remember when I ran into you
Downtown recently
I froze as you took off you sunglasses and approached me
I was completely numb and scared
Completely unprepared
I thought I felt nothing but
I had so much to say
That all dissolved when you displayed your wedding ring
My words just flushed away
It made me sick
I wanted to kick the ground and scream
What could I do?
I did the right thing, I congratulated you.
I never remember a moment more clear
Than that moment because I literally wanted
To dissipate like snowflakes in the ocean and disappear …

Ghost

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Merely ghosts to each other for so long

Floating like concepts, clouds overhead

Despite how deep our connection is

We’ve yet to actually see the other

Attracted to the idea of you

Haunted by your voice

We’ve had deep conversations

But I still have a choice

You say you love me

If you do

Why can’t you meet me and I meet you?

I have to say goodbye because you say we cannot meet

My heart feels defeat

My head must pick up the pieces

That my heart destroyed

I wonder to you

Was I just a toy?

Was I just a play thing or were you for real

When you said love is what you feel?

What is your deal

What can’t we see

One another in reality

If we can’t I’ll walk away

And forever to me

A ghost you shall stay

Because I love you not just more, but the most.

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I loved football
You loved soccer
We teased each other
About which sport was better
Now that you are gone
I’m broken and would give anything
To change what happened between us
I would agree to your movie
Agree to your restaurant
Agree to soccer being better
Although I love football with all my heart
Somehow, I love you so much more
I would give football up
If I could have you
It would hurt me terribly
It would be very sad
But losing you hurts so much more
I would give up all my books too
And I love them like they are my skin
Giving them up would hurt like fire
But it still wouldn’t hurt as much as losing you did
So I would give everything and anything
Because I love you not just more, but the most.