To dissipate like snowflakes in the ocean and disappear …

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My once calming joyful bliss
Suddenly sprinkled with blurred sickening sadness
Because long ago you and I were together
I still vividly remember you
And I remember every time we were together
Until we weren’t
I recall your laughter, your voice
Your kindness and the warmth you exuded – that was your choice
Most of all I remember you cruel words
And you know what
They still hurt
I remember when I ran into you
Downtown recently
I froze as you took off you sunglasses and approached me
I was completely numb and scared
Completely unprepared
I thought I felt nothing but
I had so much to say
That all dissolved when you displayed your wedding ring
My words just flushed away
It made me sick
I wanted to kick the ground and scream
What could I do?
I did the right thing, I congratulated you.
I never remember a moment more clear
Than that moment because I literally wanted
To dissipate like snowflakes in the ocean and disappear …

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Ghost

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Merely ghosts to each other for so long

Floating like concepts, clouds overhead

Despite how deep our connection is

We’ve yet to actually see the other

Attracted to the idea of you

Haunted by your voice

We’ve had deep conversations

But I still have a choice

You say you love me

If you do

Why can’t you meet me and I meet you?

I have to say goodbye because you say we cannot meet

My heart feels defeat

My head must pick up the pieces

That my heart destroyed

I wonder to you

Was I just a toy?

Was I just a play thing or were you for real

When you said love is what you feel?

What is your deal

What can’t we see

One another in reality

If we can’t I’ll walk away

And forever to me

A ghost you shall stay

Because I love you not just more, but the most.

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I loved football
You loved soccer
We teased each other
About which sport was better
Now that you are gone
I’m broken and would give anything
To change what happened between us
I would agree to your movie
Agree to your restaurant
Agree to soccer being better
Although I love football with all my heart
Somehow, I love you so much more
I would give football up
If I could have you
It would hurt me terribly
It would be very sad
But losing you hurts so much more
I would give up all my books too
And I love them like they are my skin
Giving them up would hurt like fire
But it still wouldn’t hurt as much as losing you did
So I would give everything and anything
Because I love you not just more, but the most.

Every time

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Every time I see your face
I’m suddenly slowly my pace
Then you turn away…
I feel my heart breaking
Every time I hear your voice
I stop and listen, by choice.
Then you walk away.
I fear my headache is here to stay

Every time you talk to me
I hide my love for thee
Then you just leave
I’m left to grieve
Every time you say “we’re friends”
I want to be more
Then I imagine you with her (the talking never ends)
I know my hope is out the door
“We’ll always be friends”, I know
But more than that, no.
For every time you look at her
I know you are never going to look at me
That way and slowly my hope for love
Fades away…

If we weren’t right for each other

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Maybe we weren’t right for each other

But why do I feel this way inside?

I felt like if I saw you,

Part of me would want to hide

I wouldn’t want to be around

A person I loved so much

But when I tried to be close to you

It seemed you didn’t want my touch

After all the things that have happened,

The new guys, the dates

For some reason it’s for you I wait

Is it a mistake that I want to see you again

One more time

To know for sure that

That you would change on a dime

Is not realistic

But why do I miss you so much sometimes

If we weren’t right for each other?

I’m Scared

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I’m scared of the dark

And who might be lurking there

I’m scared of going outside at night

And finding someone hiding there

I’m scared of storms

I’m scared of planes

I’m scared when hail

Comes down when it rains

I fear tomorrow

I fear today

I fear that I will waste away

From all this fear

 

I’m scared of running

Running so fast

That I’ll be at the

Edge of the Earth

And run right past

I wish that you’d come

To hold me at last

 

But I hope you

Don’t come to me

Because more than the

Planes or stalkers killing me

I’m afraid of your mind games,

Afraid of you hurting me

I fear this more than anything

 

My heart will never heal

With these feelings

I will always be left alone to deal

All I want is an explanation, a reason

Of why, why you’ve ripped my heart to shreds

And left me here to cry

I can’t take my mind off of you

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It was our very first date

You were right on time or a little late

I was so nervous I don’t actually know the time

You drove a silver Honda

The car was parked. And slowly,

You came out to greet me

I met you with nervousness but also glee

We traveled to the train station

Missed the train so we waited

And soccer vs. football we contemplated

I’m so very lucky conversation went so well

Because the entire time I thought,

I can’t take my eyes off you…

But now that it’s been over so long

I can’t take my mind off of you…