Soulmate

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As our fingers intertwine

I am yours

And you are mine

The fascinating movies we watch

The delicious things we cook and bake

I know that our paths crossing was no mistake

When we are together the world just stops moving

Our communication continues improving and our connection is pure

Of this I am sure

When I’m in your arms

There’s no place I’d rather be

To see your beautiful eyes looking upon me

Your love and care for me is your finest trait

And after searching my entire life I know for certain

I found my soulmate

My heart is with you wherever you go

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It was a very difficult day for me to even grasp

I received some very bad news and it deeply hurt my soul and made me gasp

You knew what to do make make it okay

With a few beautiful words that I continue to replay

Your words said something magical that made everything better, no longer did I feel low

Because you said “My heart is with you wherever you go”

Love will win

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Words cannot come out

Even though I have no doubt

How much I love you

It’s true

I am not plagued by doubt

I’m plagued by fear

Fear of losing you

Fear of no knowing what to do

Fear because I know it’s true

That you love me and I love you

I’m startled by how quickly friendship turned to like

And like turned to love

I know people will doubt

I know they won’t believe me at all

In the past I’ve put up an enormous wall

So tall that no one could climb through

Until the day that I met you

Now I feel the love in your touch and kiss

When we aren’t together it’s that feeling I miss

I miss the way you smile

The one I would walk a mile just to see

Your beautiful eyes staring back at me

I do surrender

I do give in

Because it happened now

Despite my qualms

Love will win

…And your Love is what Lingers…

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I feel horrific and sudden pain

Shooting daggers throughout my brain

It feels as if I am absolutely insane

Except I know that I am not

So I spot my headphones

And I put them on quickly

I scroll through my music swiftly

The daggers stab me over and over again

I don’t know when

When will it end

I’ve had this condition for so long

So because nothing helps I turn on a song

And when the piano and cello starts

I immediately fall apart more

Because it’s too beautiful

So I search again for a tune

To calm me down as I stare at the disappearing moon

I find something that will soothe me

And I listen to it quietly

It relaxes my wild mind

And calms my shaken nerves

Something I think I deserve

16 years of fighting to feel not sick

If I had the magic potion to cure me

I’d drink it up quick

Instead I cope, I deal

Sometimes I wonder if any of it’s real

Then I remember that soon today

My love and I will be together and I say

Everything will be okay

Because despite the illness that rages in my mind

Despite the doctors

Despite the medication

Despite side effects

Despite indifference

Despite sweating all night

Despite the anxiety, the fear

Despite the feeling utterly lost sometimes

Despite it all

When you stroke my hand slowly with you soft finger

When you tell me sweet things and smile at me, demonstrating in many ways how much you care

When you tell me “I choose you”

When you kiss me and my heart melts

All the pain goes away

And your love is what lingers

And as long as I’m with you

Which hopefully is forever

We can forget our suffering

Our different but similar pain

And remember that

Love cures all wounds

And I feel that so deeply in my heart

Whenever you are next to me

That’s where you belong

And I hope

That’s always where you’ll be

The Calm Shadows of the Morning

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When I awake, I find great joy in the calm shadows of the morning
I shower quickly, swiftly after I take my medicine
I feel calmer now, lightly somehow
I listen to music: to classical, to BTS, to Michael Bublé, to Ruelle,
To Linkin Park, to Andrea Bocelli, to Piano Guys, to Eminem, to Kasey Musgraves,
To Lewis Capaldi, to Taylor Swift, to Shawn Mendes, to Enrique Iglesias,
To Jacob Lee, to Dashboard Confessional, to Hinder, to Echosmith
To Ben Platt, To Panic! At the Disco and many, many more
Every morning my mind has different musical numbers in store
After I listen to things songs
Then my mind can get along
With the feelings I feel
And the things I think
With the water I sip
And the coffee I drink
After I have appreciated all these songs
Holding back the urge to sing along
I throw on a coat and I go
Braving the weather –
Cold, Hot, Ice, Snow…
Whatever it is away I go
On my journey for fresh air
My body, mind and soul say thank you once I return
After each day of this, one thing I learn
Self-care and being self-aware is what I need
And I have it down to a science indeed =)

My prince

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A chariot (your car) awaits as I step out the door

You open my door, make sure I have my seatbelt and off we go

You drive slowly, carefully through the snow

We head to dinner and a movie now

I’m sitting in your car wondering how

How did I get so lucky with a man like you?

A man that is kind, understanding, caring and makes me dreams come true

The day is effortless, the day is fun

We laugh and joke until the day is done

When we saw the movie you held my hand

And stroked my finger gently

It felt like heaven please help me

To understand this

How after all this searching and hoping we shared a goodnight kiss

I stepped out of you car and realized this

I am your princess and you are my prince

You care for me in every way

In your arms I’ll forever stay

Until the next time we meet once more

I can only imagine what life has in store for two people falling head over heels

I hope you sleep well and I will too

And one day all our dreams will come true

Because when I’m near you, it’s a Fairytale

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Holding your hand as the piano plays

Has my world in a daze

We then walk through the world together

Braving the chilly, windy weather

We talking openly about how we feel

Slowly but surely it feels real

At the end of the night I would be remiss

If I do not mention our passionate kiss

Then you drove away and I stood, headed inside

But everything I could ever need to heal my heart and love again

Only you can provide

Your smile melts me heart

My brain is torn apart with thought

I don’t mind feeling like I’m in a dream

Because when I’m near you, it’s a fairytale

I’m going to bottle up every moment we spend together

And when I have a storm to weather

I know in my heart of hearts

You are there for me

Two Times Goodnight

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Before my dreams take flight
I put on my comfy pajamas and say goodnight
Then I ponder over my journal
Fragments in my mind
Behind all my emotions are
Fluttering eyes shutting, too tired to compose
I sigh
I come out again
Sip some water,
And then say goodnight again
It’s my evening ritual
To ensure that I say it
That they know I love them
That I know they are okay
That I know everyone has everything they need
That I see them all smile and rejoice that sleep is coming
That I know my mind can drift into slumber
Not once, But two times goodnight

My Poetic Defense

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My heart is full of deep, profound emotions
So immense
So intense
All I can do is furiously type on this keyboard
All I can do is remember the feeling of your hand in mind
All I can do is wait for the next time I see you
You told me things
You told me “I miss you”
You told me “You mean the world to me”
You told me “I choose you”
These things are causing my heart to implode
And then explode
Never as any man been so kind to me
Treated me with so much respect and dignity
So instead of professing all of my feelings to you
My actions are the words on this page
My emotions gauge this –
I feel that I am falling so hard I can barely stand
So here we are in my written recompense
For being afraid to tell you everything
This is my way of announcing you mean everything to me:
My poetic defense

It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood Review

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Have you ever felt a happy glow of joy in your soul? Perhaps a kiss or a special moment caused that glow of joy in your soul to occur. A giant glow of joy in my soul descended upon my soul during and at the conclusion of It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, a true story of a troubled man who was able to heal with the help of the wondrous Mister Rodgers whom he was asked to interview on a story about heroes. It’s hauntingly beautiful the way Fred Rodgers teachers Lloyd to cope with his feelings, and I believe we all need someone in our lives to help us in this way. Watching this film caused time to stop for me. I was transported into a new world of both joy and pain, and I learned how joy helps conquer pain and how grief is a natural yet difficult part of life. Fred Rodgers swims, prays, writes letters, in order to cope with death, divorce, and war- because “it gets dark” as Lloyd says. The task of learning how to cope with pain and strife and turn our life into the best possible thing it could be is the lesson of this film. “Sometimes, just sometimes we get to change a broken world with our words.” That is what Lloyd states and is also able to do with his words as he is assigned an article on heroes and Mister Rodgers is chosen. We witness the life of Lloyd and the life of Mister Rodgers unfold and become interwoven until it creates this warm quilt of love.

Are you happy is a good question that this movie poses and both men spend the movie on a journey to seek happiness in a sometimes cruel, cold world. “Oh God, Lloyd please don’t ruin my childhood,” Lloyd’s wife says when referring to the piece he is writing about heroes, and he writes something that charms the entire nation and touches hearts. During the interview, Mister Rodgers says “When I focus into in that camera I try to speak to a single child at a time and focus on their needs”. One of the needs is met when Mister Rodgers says “Do you know what that means to forgive? It means to release a person from the anger we feel. Sometimes it’s the hardest to forgive someone we love.” Mister Rodgers is leading a lesson on forgiveness, one we could all learn from. Fred Rodgers tells Lloyd and the audience this to try in an effort to reach into Lloyd’s pain and attempt to help him heal. The interview continues with: “What brought you back to the show?” Lloyd asks mister Rodgers. “I realized that there was still so much to talk about,” Mister Rodgers says, and follows that up by saying. “If we could through television programs and all other programs show that everyone is precious” It gets personal when he says to Lloyd after breaking down the walls he put up, “I’m sure if she saw you today the person you became, she would be so proud.” Fred is talking to Lloyd about his deceased mother.

“A hospital is where you go when your body is hurt, but where do you go when your feelings are hurt?” is a question posed by Mister Rodgers. I think the answer to that poignant question is Turning Point, and I would also add that’s where you go when your mind hurts, because I know mine does sometimes. The scene where Lloyd’s father Jerry is in his apartment and Lloyd is frozen in anger broke my heart after Lloyd’s dad said “I may never come back here” Lloyd’s father begins trying to ask for forgiveness, but then he collapses and everything goes in slow motion. Lloyd and his wife are staying with Lloyd’s dying father. It’s the silent calm sadness that washes over me and I watch Lloyd staring off and thinking about all the things in his life – past, present, and future all at once while he feeds the newborn child he has. “I like you as you are, exactly as you are. Exactly and precisely as you are no doubt or question,” is the most beautiful soothing lullaby I have ever heard, as Lloyd sings to Gavin.

Then the theme of forgiveness comes full circle as Lloyd’s father asked Lloyd to forgive him for leaving him and his sister and his mother was dying. The theater grew silent and I gasped. And then I heard those beautiful three words that a human can say to another and caused that glow of their soul – I love you. Lloyd’s article about Mister Rodgers, his interaction with him changed his trajectory in life. Then Mister Rodgers visits Lloyd and his dying father and that when tears began rolling down my cheek, because for that moment in that theater on that screen my faith in humanity was restored. Thank you, Tom Hanks, for recreation of a beloved character and absolutely made in a beautiful day in the neighborhood for all who experience and will experience this film. “Fame is a four-letter word like tape or face. It’s what you do with it that matters” – Tom Hanks and Mister Rodgers never let fame get to their heads and that is absolutely incredible feat to accomplish, to be humble and when given a platform to speak to make sure that you reach the most vulnerable people, children. I also learned that “death is sometimes we fear but it is human and anything human is manageable”, is something Fred Rodgers shares. Lloyd talks about himself as being a part of a group of broken people. “I don’t think you are broken – you are a man of conviction a man who knows what is wrong and what is right and know that your father helped shape those convictions and helped shape who you are” is what he says, allowing Lloyd a deeper connection and some much needed closure. As Mister Rodgers drives off, Lloyd does the sign language for friends that he was taught and as Mister Rodgers drives away, he drives straight into my heart as he truly embodies what it means to be a hero, true to the article that Lloyd wrote. “If you think of him as a saint that his way of being is unattainable”- Joan Rodgers says of her husband. In a way Mister Rodgers was a saint, but he was human and was capable of deep love and understanding which he spread through the world through his television show, and the joy he brought to so many was captured brilliantly in this film. Thank you for this precious gift you have given the world. As Mister Rodgers said “it’s such a good feeling to be alive” and this movie gave me an incredible rush of feeling alive.