Secret

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Secret
My secret
Mine to share
Mine to keep
Mine to hold on to
Mine to let go of
The problem is this
The paradox
Sharing the secret will free me
The weight of silence will choke me
The problem is this you see
My secret is deep in a cage
And I have lost the key
And I don’t know
If I am ready
To let the secret escape out into the world
I am not prepared for the fallout
Maybe there will be none.
Maybe
Secret
My secret
Mine to keep
Mine to share
Mine to grasp with my grip
Or mine to release to let it slip

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When the Soul Cries

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It’s is the body really omitting all the tears, at first

It’s shaking violently, sobbing

It’s a deep puncturing cry that the soul feels and reacts to

The soul squirms at first, it cannot handle the pain the body feels.

The soul in its wisdom tries to comfort the body, doing everything it can to relax the body, stop the agony.

It calms it strokes the body trying to make the pain flow away.

It does not always work and chaos ensues.

So the soul begins to cry along lacking in its comfort, causing the cry

To be an entire other level of pain, hurt, despondence.

The pain becomes unbearable as the body and soul are both under attack at the same moment.

It’s upsetting and when it finally ends

The soul now has a deep mark

One that over time heals, sometimes…

I explain to myself so many times

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I explain to myself so many times
I won’t miss you anymore
Gotta let go sometime
But since I told myself some many times
And specifically, I wouldn’t miss you
All I have wanted to do since that time
Is kiss you…
When I told myself 1000 times before
I won’t miss you.

I thought telling myself so many times
This one white lie was acceptable, then became smudged with tears
Because trying to not miss you anymore
Is like giving up food or breathing!
I lost count how many lies I told myself.
But now an aged snapshot
Brings the tears blowing back.
That most painful day
Wearing a dress and mask but no one knows
What’s behind it, not even me.
When I told myself an infinite amount of times
I simply won’t miss you
I will dismiss you from my life,

Instead this year,
I told myself so many times to avoid
For that will lead to forgetting you entirely;
You can’t miss someone you don’t remember
But this too was in vain
There are no short cuts, no way to invent a cure for one-sided love.
For telling myself so many times
I won’t miss you was a colossal lie.
Missing you I’ve run my tears dry.
Friendship is maintainable.
But love not attainable
Because I said I won’t miss you

I did.
Someone else received your devotion
She gets all the things
I imagined.
Because in trying not to miss your presence
I missed your courtship.
Perhaps the biggest mistake in my life was never telling
You that I simply cannot go a day without thinking about
How amazing we could be.
Instead unfinished sketches of tomorrow sit at my desk tonight.
Of the things I thought of you and the things you think of me
All because I tried to fog you out.
I fell even more deeply in
Now, I think I’ll try being around you without
Giving it all away,
Besides if you loved me
You would have done something about it
Somewhere along the way.
I will still always have a place for you, for missing you
For how even though you tear my life neatly apart,
Your existence is embedded somewhere deep in my heart.

I can’t say goodbye

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I don’t know if we should be together
As hard as I try
As many times as I’ve done it
I can’t say goodbye
You mean too much to me
To disappear from my life
Truly I hoped I’d one day be your wife
We come to an impasse
Sometimes at night
But despite all the trouble
We get through a difficult fight
If even in the morning
I wake up distressed
Your good morning message
Leaves my mind beyond impressed
Who could have ever guessed
A little thing that you do
Like telling me to make sure I eat
Would make me fall for you?
You told me of road trips, and hiking
All the fun things we could do
Although sometimes I fight it
Although it feels like maybe it’s not right
To my delight
You don’t give up on us
So I won’t even try
Because the way my heart longs for each breath
Each moment
I can’t say goodbye to you

Desire’s got a reckless hold on me

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Dripping of desire

Desire of so much more

Desire of my own life

Desire of a great job

Desire of true love and lust

Desire of perspiring until I lose the weight

Desire of the 10k race

Desire off all my goals

One day at a time

Desire

Dripping desire

Of reckless hope

Reckless hold on me

Desire’s got a reckless hold on me

It commands me no more.

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I want to take it
Away from your hand
That power only you have over me
It’s one I can’t stand
I want to take it
And twist it and turn it
Take it deep in the woods and burn it
I want to stop feeding your powers
With a beaming smile and joking conversation
I want to take away your smile’s sensation
I think I’ll bend it
Reverse it to you
So that way you’ll feel it
You’ll love me
The way I love you
I mean,
If it can’t be destroyed
I wish it changes its spell
The powers of heaven and hell
Clash before my eyes
My only prize
Is knowing I’ll see you again
But this is a double ended sword
The other end is your powers
Your purple pixie dust
That activates when our eyes meet
It’s the best pleasure in my life
And the worst torment at the same time
A paradox – that’s your true power
You have my in rapture one moment
Then captured by tears the next
Unable to breath, swallow, or move.
I want to take it, shatter and break it
There. Now it is done.
Now, It commands me no more.