The Bridge to Somewhere, Fragments of a dream

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I’m on the bridge to somewhere
and I carry as I go
A present, a scarf, and a golden locket
trembling through the open snow

I’m on the bridge to somewhere
and careful as I am
I rip my jacket against the branches
running faster, damn

I’m on the bridge to somewhere
and as I run along
I realize something’s very wrong

On the bridge to somewhere I wrap my scarf around my neck
Running just a half mile further
To where we said we’d meet
What the heck?

So I finally reach that somewhere
The fool he’s standing five feet ahead
Kind of makes me wish I never got out of bed.

I throw the locket
deep into the sparkly white
the snow that has covered the earth
and everything in sight

I return the present
now we’re inches apart
I know I will regret this
so I turn to leave
Then I have him grabbing
tugging at my sleeve

I don’t want any words
to escape my mouth so I run and trip
Trying very hard to grow up and get a grip

Then the blizzard starts again and everything is right
Wet, cold, and sad but sparkly and white

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Lockdown

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Everyone is throwing advice around
To tell or not to tell him
Everyone has strong opinions of whether to stay away or come forward with my feelings
I think, what if I get hurt again?
Will it hurt more than last time, the same? Suddenly fear!
The mere thought of the pain
Sends painful sensations of fear piercing
Deep into my brain
My eyes strain to stare forward on my train home
It’s then that I decide I want the walls back up
The ones I spent eons taking down
Only love could hurt like this…
But if I put my heart on lockdown
Will I be saved?
Or is locking up my heart a bigger crime?
How can I be open but protected?
Until I figure that out
It’s fair to say in my dismay
There will be love lockdown

(Thinking of him, It’s) Burning Fires

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Agony pain burning fires
In my brain
In my body
In my heart
I can’t put the fire out
Water doesn’t work
I thought I could drown it in tears
I thought I could suffocate it
With my sweater
But instead
It suffocates me.
Smoke, fire, flames bursting through my heart.
Suddenly an explosion.
My heart’s a million tiny pieces
Shattered, scattered.
I finally put the fire out
Superhuman strength appears
Strong resolve to survive
but the damage of the fire
It is overwhelming
It’s burning pain I can still feel
The shock of the smoke
Collapses my lungs
The sadness of joy turned into sparks
Sparks of absolute agony
The fire was uninviting
Torture
Truly it was the deepest level of hell
I felt pain in places I didn’t know I could
Now the charred remains will get off this train
After class
After talking to Ethan
After help from Heidi
After wisdom from Janet and Glendalyn
After tea with Bella
I walk to go shower
My charred self
Recovering what I can
Abandoning the rest
And recalling how high the flames got

And praying that no one can hurt me that deeply again…
Knowing they could.
Off to shower, drink coffee and pretend everything is fine.
Until it is.

Judge Me

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<revisting high school ponderings>

no matter
where you go where you are
people are judging you
your clothes
your make up
your hair
your purse
everything is being analyzed before
you even speak to the person
i noticed as i went to shake someone’s hand
i already judged them as a jock
because they were built and wearing Abercrombie
i thought was not so judgmental
but as the day wore on
i figured out even if I never said it
I was.

And that sucked.
Now when people JUDGE ME
I get mad but realize i was judging the person
next to them anyway

I’m trying to figure out
why we judge people
and why some things get in the
way of ever knowing someone

Throwback to Does Love Conquer all? One Tree Hill

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“I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn’t know you had inside you. And it doesn’t matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends… you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he’ll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you’ll go somewhere new. And you’ll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade. “– Kate Winslet, The Holiday.

The misconceptions about what love should be are astonishing to me. It is just simply unimaginable the way that people treat the act of falling in love, and how willing they are to hold out even if they know the fire that was their relationship is out. The quote above even describes an average person, who for the life of them cannot get closure. People act as if love was a battlefield or a competition or one heart break and it’s over. Furthermore it illustrates that love abides by “rules” which it most certainly does not. There is a television show that allows its characters to put their swords away. It takes away the tough guy stereotype and displays a more real lifestyle of men and women. The name of the show is One Tree Hill, and it is about two half brothers who learn to be brothers through hardship and basketball. There are many complicated relationships in this show. For example just when Lucas’s (the title character’s) mother found a man she loved (not Lucas’s real father who left her when she was pregnant with Lucas) Lucas’s real father shoots him in cold blood.( Ironically they were brothers too) Many teenage realities about love come out in the high school, things common to teenagers. The events and the drama and the assumption that love conquers all echo through the empty halls. There is the classic geek named Mouth on the show that everyone grows to love and respect and some geeks they do not. There is the jock, Nathan (Lucas’s half brother) as well as plenty women characters such as Brooke, the popular girl. In their lives there are assumptions about love that develop throughout this intense heart-wrenching show- that love conquers all.

 

Firstly, it demonstrates that love conquers all. In the show love conquered through a school shooting, a car accident, an abandonment, and alleged infidelity for Haley and Nathan Scott. In the case of Haley and Nathan Scott, they had ever reason to separate and not trust but something stronger than you or I was at hand and that something was love. They stayed married despite themselves and everything going on around them. Even through a shooting which changed their lives forever, in which two people died. Also, through a car accident in which Nathan jumped in the water to save someone, leaving Haley on the bridge not knowing if he would survive. Haley also left Nathan for a while to pursue a solo music career. However, because love conquers all, this couple went through all these things and came out stronger. They have that flicker, that spark that ignites their relationship and a young son to remind them just how lucky they are. Overall the show preaches that true love is forever, and demonstrates that just because one comes from a broken home (as many characters do) that they can still live this happy fulfilling life they deserve. Even their four year old son, while he does not understand love, makes connections that the family unit is happy when mommy and daddy don’t fight. He understands togetherness and hope. His deep blue eyes tell the story.

 

Another couple conquering life through love on the show is Lucas Scott and Peyton Sawyer. These two were separated due to other relationships, other common teenage drama, and careers but as love conquers all they were able to see past that. Lucas dated Peyton on and off but somehow through fate he and Peyton ended up together. When Lucas won the state basketball tournament he professed his love for her. In writing a book about her years later, he was showing that they really are soul mates whether or not the couple will admit it. He discovers the editor of his book and falls in love with her but they do not go through with the wedding. Lindsay realizes the fire bolt he wrote about in his second book, the one that changed his life and he was waiting to come again was Peyton and Lindsay (the editor) could not deny them true love.

True Love Conquers all. In this TV show, it really does. It knows no bounds and every kind of disaster or obstacle you place in front of the couple, they seem to get through it in a realistic matter. Does love really conquer all? Does it cross racial and religious bounds? Can this so called Love bond everything together despite the impossible? Is love enough? Well, now in this case, Haley and Nathan are on the ropes because of an alleged infidelity of Nathan and the nanny. He faced being paralyzed, losing his basketball dreams, and now his family. With the wedding now called off, one shall wait and see if love can conquer the most difficult element. After all these years do Lucas and Peyton still have admiration for one another. This show displays that Love somehow conquers all, no mountain they will not climb. Somewhere at the top of the mountain something can be seen in the distance- I believe they call it love.

The peculiar yet heartwarming connection I have with Deadpool

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Was this movie incredible and living up to the hype? Yes. In every way you can imagine.

Although it was so different in its delivery. It was truly something else.

But the character of Deadpool really takes it to a new level

The sarcasm and way the character is presented is so fresh, and relateable.

I haven’t committed any crimes or have a disfigurement so I cannot relate there.

Where does the connection come from?

It’s the dialogue and behavior of Deadpool throughout this film

that makes it unforgettable.

I see myself self to struggle in life and make it.

Use humor and love to make it through.

Perseverance and Passion.

Needless to say, I cannot wait for the next installment. =)

High on the list on things I hate

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High on the list of things I hate
Broken rulers, being dreadfully late
Burning something or worse leaving it uncooked
Going to a hotel only to find out they’re booked
Self- help books and a huge flood
When my brand new shoes get caked in filthy mud

Cruelties towards an animals or human soul
Finding out your favorite team lost by one goal
When your dress tears apart at the seams
You wish that it was a sequence of bad dreams
(Yes I even hating the wishing, the lies we have to tell ourselves to stay okay)
When nature’s fury causes us to question our fate
These are high on the list of things I hate

When you end up questioning everything you’ve ever done
If you have not, it is time you’ve begun
When you look in the mirror and
You truly don’t love it, you take your hands and pray
When you have a craving for something and the store is fresh out
When you’re baby cousin does nothing but screech and shout

But something I don’t hate per say but
Something that makes me cry when it occurs this way
Is when I am sad
And no one knows why
Instead of advice or comfort of any kind
They sit there stuck on rewind
No knowing that the only thing worse
Then any problem, burden or curse
Is facing this world alone