The Calm Shadows of the Morning

Standard

When I awake, I find great joy in the calm shadows of the morning
I shower quickly, swiftly after I take my medicine
I feel calmer now, lightly somehow
I listen to music: to classical, to BTS, to Michael Bublé, to Ruelle,
To Linkin Park, to Andrea Bocelli, to Piano Guys, to Eminem, to Kasey Musgraves,
To Lewis Capaldi, to Taylor Swift, to Shawn Mendes, to Enrique Iglesias,
To Jacob Lee, to Dashboard Confessional, to Hinder, to Echosmith
To Ben Platt, To Panic! At the Disco and many, many more
Every morning my mind has different musical numbers in store
After I listen to things songs
Then my mind can get along
With the feelings I feel
And the things I think
With the water I sip
And the coffee I drink
After I have appreciated all these songs
Holding back the urge to sing along
I throw on a coat and I go
Braving the weather –
Cold, Hot, Ice, Snow…
Whatever it is away I go
On my journey for fresh air
My body, mind and soul say thank you once I return
After each day of this, one thing I learn
Self-care and being self-aware is what I need
And I have it down to a science indeed =)

You are the reason

Standard

Everyday I wake
A huge breath of fresh air I take
I think about you when I am up
Colliding thoughts of us
I make such a fuss
Of showering, brushing teeth, cleaning the house
But when I think of you
I’m calm
It washes over me like a calming wind
Because I know in my heart
The reason I smile all the time
The reason I jump out of bed
The reason I’m myself
Or a better version of myself
The reason I’m giddy
I’m a million things at once
I’m a wild rush
I’m madly in love
I’m a mess
But I’m happy
I hope you are too
Because I love who I am
And You
You are the reason

Flow music Flow

Standard

Casting a spell on me
Enchanting my ears, my heart, my soul
Spellbound
I’m in a trance
The track changes
My body flows
I prance
I romance
I dance
I sing
Because it causes me great joy
Flow music flow

Over and over again

Standard

I feel completely stuck

My life run amuck

So I play one song

And I sing along

Until the pain is truly gone

But is it?

No, so instead

The song plays on my phone

And in my head

I’m trying to let the music heal

I want my dad heart to feel

Happy again

Try as I may

To my great dismay

It’s not working this time

So I accept the now

Accept the pain

And I play it

Over and over again

Do they have guitars in heaven? Dedicated in loving memory to Eric Nicholson

Standard

He’s gone now

He can no long play

God took him straight away

He was so very ill so he couldn’t stay

On Earth

So now he’s looking down on us

A remarkable man

Always with a plan to impress

Just be being his beautiful self

With the presence of an angel

He wrote the song of Shimer

The most beautiful tune around

Eric should be able to continue to play

The lovely music that stole our hearts away

So I have to ask God

A serious question –

Do they have guitars in heaven?

The method to my “madness” – How I write

Standard

There are a few things (men, politics, and death) that are more complex than the psych behind writing. It is sporadic, impulsive, indiscriminately, timeless, impossible, and delightful. Writing is a journey with stepping stones: great leaps or tiny steps, it’s going forward that’s important. The steps I go through during a writing assignment depend on what kind of time limit there is and what type of essay it is. Is it a poem? Is it a twenty page research paper? I always start brainstorming ideas for the main point of the paper no matter if it is big or small. Ideas and inspiration come to me at the most awkward times (the bus, the bathroom, at a movie). I group together these ideas into a topic before the real work begins.
I usually do not consider my audience too much at this time. I work in such a fashion fervently, and although I know it is for a teacher’s eyes only, I write to a universal audience, hoping all my efforts were not in vain. Poetry is the art form I adore, and I generally can captivate a large audience with. I use elements such as rhyming or repetition in my poetry and in my writing. Another way that I mesmerize the audience is when I write to the sound of classical music. When I write it makes me feel like I am on a journey, and I am taking my audience with me.
Speaking of journeys, the method I take is not organized. Its profile fits only the essay to which it was assigned. My support method behind it is not a method so much as it is a vision. After I research or consider ever angle I deceiver and deduct which is not just the strong point but the one I want to bring to attention. Lists are very helpful way for me to find ideas that work and ideas that don’t such as diction. I must often change, flip and rearrange my wording but syntax is something I don’t feel I achieve too often. The last element which I find related to syntax is the proofreading, which I do. Usually I have a sibling check my work as well and in the past multiple teachers have viewed my writing. I am not too pleasant while hearing criticism, but I will take it and try to spin a better story. As for a four hundred work limit, I am not use to word limits. So checking the word count is now like stopping for gas on my writing journey. I cannot go on to write without it.

I don’t want to beg for love (fusion)

Standard

That I’m still breathing, I’m hopeless now…”

“I’d climb every mountain
I’d swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what’s I’ve broken
Because I knew you to see
That

You are the reason…

If I could turn back the clock
I’d make sure the light defended the dark
I’d spend every hour
Of every day
Keeping you safe…”

This song almost always makes me cry
Because I want to sing it to you
I already love you so much
But will you love me back?
I need you to hold me tonight.

Please.

I’m dying inside. Giving all of me until I’m drained.
Because “all of me Loves all of you”.

“Love your curves and all your edges
Love your perfect imperfections”

Please

I don’t want to beg for love
I want you to see my face, eyes and see my heart
Hear my voice, read my words
And feel my touch and know that it’s me
That I am your reason

Fence

Standard

That man beyond the fence
What does he want?
I water
He waters haphazordly
I grunt
And he grunts
Shadows in the morning
I sing Queen…
I sing Taylor Swift…
I sing Safetysuit…
But that man beyond the fence
What does he sing?

He yells
He parks his fancy fancy Mercedes
Sometimes at night I come by the towering evergreen
And hum Imogen Heap and shiver and think
About floods and genocides
But that man beyond the fence
What does he think about?

It is me and the gentle wind
I am on the swing next to the fence
I feel despondent
Harsh voices in the house continue
I escaped here
I see through the fence.

Beyond the fence
A pair of cheerless eyes through the cracks
The man
We exist, backs to each
Dark of night swallows, submerges our pain
On either side
Just beyond the fence…

What these songs mean to me

Standard

Hinder- Better than me (please listen to the entire song)
This song, I have memorized, listening to countless times. I can relate so much to the singer. I came upon it by accident, just like I came to find a new love for a certain individual. I actually do miss his hair in my face. We never went out, but I told myself to stop missing him. But since I lie to him everyday, like at the beginning “with all the lies that I made you believe” I love the melody of the song, it speaks to me, and the guitar at the beginning draws me in. When I feel lousy, awful, and rotten this song tells a realistic tale that I appreciate to hear. I love to imagine the “box of notes” “that time at the mall.” Hinder dishes out these sweet lyrics that break me heart, because I feel the reality behind them. Sadly, my self- esteem isn’t what it used to be and sometimes I think anyone could do better than me.

Sugar Cult – Pretty Girl
I put myself in the place of “pretty girl is suffering while he confesses everything”
“She’s beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego and killer instinct tells her to be aware of evil men” Like in the song, I am under this spell. Aware of evil men, but I am blinded by initial kindness. The beats of the song, the desperation in his voice, the distressing tone that sometimes can make me shed tears because the words are spun beautifully together. Hopefully I will “find out what his intentions were about.” It is a song about how a pretty girl must be strong on the inside, even though sometimes the pain cannot be helped. I think it is a good touch how some places his voice is soft and other times it is harsh, like the refrain of the song.

The Beatles – Yesterday
Changing gears a bit, comes The Beatles. I love their mellow tones and catchy, captivating lyrics. Sometimes I think we all long for yesterday. A blast from the past, to feel good a little longer, before the phantom of tomorrow takes it. Also how love is described as a game we all play. I love to sit on the couch and listen to Tonia play it on the piano while I sing it. This song although it is sad, brings happy memories forward for me. I like the instruments in the background as they add subtle appeal to the voices. I can fall asleep thinking about yesterday, it makes tomorrow less scary to look in the eye.

Reliant K – Be my Escape (Please listen to entire song)
This song makes all of my emotions stick out at one point. I came upon it by accident, suddenly entranced when a second ago I was nearly asleep. Sitting at the spot light so far away, I turned off my headset, letting go of communication with the other technicians to listen. Again I have it memorized and everyday coming home after a long day of crew, I love listening to the idea of having a special person that would be my escape from this world of pain, drama, and cruelty. I mean nothing bad would happen if I had that escape, because we’d be together and he’d protect me. The beginning “blending in so you won’t even know me” and the last few lines “I fought you for so long
I should have let you in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was safe my own skin
Ohhh but so were you
So were you.” I think he is saying someone has to be the bigger person and both unfortunately are just trying to save themselves from hurt, unwilling to take that chance.

The Fray – Heaven Forbid
A horrid day. From the moment I woke up, something was wrong. Fighting with my mom is always a bad start to a day. In school, my expectations socially and academically are far too high. Getting yelled at for not being perfect, I grab my I-pod, and actually for the first time imagine – “heaven forbid I end up alone and don’t know why” Honestly, besides the lovely instrumentation I only listen to this song when I feel I have lost hope in not the world, not my friends, or family, but in me. This song says “take a breath, just take a seat. You’re falling apart and tearing at the seams” that is how I feel, tearing apart at the seams, starting to show to the world that hey! I can hurt too. I’m not bullet-proof emotionally by any stretch. “Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow you’ll be alright”

Snow Patrol – Chasing Cars
When I hear this song, I melt into the floor in love. The video implies what the song intends. I love the idea of chasing cars around our heads. I love that fact that the phrase I love you is inadequate to this singer for I can see how it could be. The English language can be so lacking sometimes when it comes to these things so he asks, “would you lay with him and just forget the world”. That is the one you love. The one that stops time and the world for you and you go with him. This is actually my ring tone, one that is loud, one that is melodic and mushy, and one I adore. It makes me wish I could just freeze time or speed it up to fix what shattered in my life. This song is final though, it is a yes or no. There is no thinking about it for a few days. The singer wants to know and know now. I have learned from a teacher time heals, but not the time you choose. So this sappy idea of a picture perfect romance only convinces me on a good day.

StoneSour 17– Zzxyz Rd
(Actual band, actual song)
The song has some latent anger that I think I can relate to because he can only imagine it. It makes me think of poetry of writing because the piano makes me weep. The piano is a lament a release of pain and suffering. He is at wits end. I feel just like this man. Can’t sleep, thinking of the pile of broken promises and lies. The thought of life forgetting about you is so heartbreaking. He is lost truly lost. I feel like this sometimes. Then when the second acoustic part comes I picture someone close to me leaving. The imagines he picks are raw, blunt, and simply sad but he sings the truth, he wants to fade away. He wants to live but he doesn’t really know – at the end it seems like he is screaming bellowing about being tired, but having to go. I feel like that, like my mind wants a million things to happen at once. The guitar is a delicious little interlude there, but I wish his voice was more soothing. Or perhaps harsh, rhythmic tones are what he needs to get across.

Landon Pigg – Can’t let go
This is a laid back mellow tune. Some others I chose are harsh, desperate, or empty inside while this one is just a balanced scale of music with lyrics. An honest man, saying he simply can’t let go. Men should be honest like him! “It’s not that our love died, it just never bloomed. Can’t move on from the past” I almost think the melody should be frustrated or anger with this anger tone, but he seems kind of happy be him one-sided love, simply repeating that he can’t let go, and without lifting a finger she is holding him back, I like that idea of being kind of under this spell.

Josh Groban – Now or Never
A splinter in the light, it’s been hiding there inside for all this time- this melody is a song you can’t turn off. It puts an intoxicating spell, the urgency in his voice, the piano background. -No one’s fault no black or white, only you and me on this endless night- This song could very easily be worked into to a poem the blare of his voice is so inviting to me. He has a song powerful voice that he doesn’t need to commercialize his products; his fame and fans love his voice the most. Not trying to sell an image, he catches my heart and attention and never lets go. On my I-pod, I will play him after a stressful day of crew and school and everyone in the car thinks my smiling that the lyrics is a little weird, but I can’t help imagine his words, crystallize them into reality.

The Killers – Glamorous Indie rock and roll
This song takes me to a difference Era and a different place. “It’s in his soul it’s what I need, indie rock and roll, it’s time…
Two of us, flippin through a thrift store magazine, she plays the drums I’m on tambourine, bet your bottom dollar on me” this song makes me feel reckless and impulsive, spontaneous and urgent. I feel anger that I can tunnel into energy – like shattering glass, something final like that. “Let’s cause a scene, like lovers do on silver screens” That is the spur of the moment I feel, like declaring love or visiting an exotic country. “Making up breaking up what do you care?” This vocal combined with the eclectic instrumentation makes me and this sing complete.

Frank Sinatra – Unforgettable
Lavish gifts. Expensive houses and cars. Cell phones, laptops, I-pod, Plasma screen TVs. Designer label clothes and dining at five star restaurants. Exclusive buildings, after school activities, parties. All of these things are a part of the life I know. Wants and needs clash and become the same. There no longer becomes a dividing line between life’s needs and frivolous odds and ends, like a daily Starbucks fix. This song makes me feel for once, not guilty of what I have, when so many have so little. But is it all worth anything, if I am unhappy? Some many have less but really much more. They have love, a person that takes them for who they are, cares about them unconditionally, loves and protects them, and balances them. Loneliness is a window of myself that people rarely see, and I like this song because it gives hope that someday, to someone I will be this exquisite unforgettable woman that is being depicted. “Someday… how the thought of you does things to me… forevermore that’s how you’ll stay… my mind’s eye takes the piano and creates a moonlit waltz in my future.” Only Frank Sinatra can create an entire evening from a simple song.