Screaming and Silence

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But without a job and
Without him
Without those two things
It feels like I just go through the motions
It feels overwhelming and numb
It feels like screaming and silence
Want to be thankful
I have a roof over my head
I have an abundance of food
I have a place to sleep
I have a loving family
I have good friends
I have what I need
But what if those two things I want
Are also what I need?
Are there a handful of some magic words I can say
And then everything will be okay?

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But what if there’s more to us?

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I despair so I type.

He responds swiftly.

Kindly, gently, but firmly.

I make the tea,

I cry the tears.

“You can’t cry forever”.

It’s not mean, it’s true.

I know it comes from trying to help.

So, I wash my face.

I watch House of Cards.

I finish my laundry.

When I mediate

I do as he said

And I almost fall asleep

Not a care in the world, all of a sudden this shift.

After I type this

I will tell him

How magical the mediation he suggested was

I care

I care so much

I care so very much

I don’t want to lose a friend

I want him to know how I feel because

But what if there’s more to us?