The places I can’t go

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I’m a blob of existence
trembling in the wind
exploding
with the rage of the things I can’t be
and the places I can’t go.

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Screaming and Silence

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But without a job and
Without him
Without those two things
It feels like I just go through the motions
It feels overwhelming and numb
It feels like screaming and silence
Want to be thankful
I have a roof over my head
I have an abundance of food
I have a place to sleep
I have a loving family
I have good friends
I have what I need
But what if those two things I want
Are also what I need?
Are there a handful of some magic words I can say
And then everything will be okay?

Fall Apart

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I guess this is what it’s like when things fall apart
When someone ingests and pukes out your heart
I wish I had known from the start
I would have never allowed that,
If only instead of stupid I had actually been smart
I want to cry and the time, I guess
For so long it has been beyond sublime
But that joy I had was just jumping the gun
For I no longer have any fun
The tears they run
Run really fast down my face
I’m spinning through time through space
The beautiful colors I once used to see
Are warped distorted and ugly
The reds and blacks stream together
Like a car crash in rainy weather
The blood and the dark
Blend with the rainy blurs and make their mark
Everything I think of, everything I want
Is just a taunt
Because I can’t allow myself happiness now
I’ve created my own fatal flaw, how?
I’ve stepped in the trap, lonely and confused
Mad, sad, angry, dismal, and used
I’m stuck staring at the car crash that is my life
I guess this is what it’s like when things fall apart

Colorless Ideas Dream Furiously

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Colorless ideas dream furiously
Minds collide, rendering me senseless
Hope is a fleeting feeling
My stumbling heart
Sends my reeling
Fracturing my senses
Shattered me
Gushing blood streams
Seriously
Touch, Smell, Taste, Hearing and Vision
Seem quite impossible since that collision
Colorless ideas dream furiously
Minds collide

Until
I open my eyes
Only to be engulfed
But something in the distance
Hope or Despair
I don’t care
No more being numb
I just want any feeling
Because I’d rather feel pain
Then nothing at all
Suddenly
Colorful ideas dream happily
Minds collide, rendering me wide awake