Drunk with it all


I pick it up

It looks innocent enough

I swallow it in less then a day

It’s so gripping I cannot stop

I cannot help myself

I continue with another one

I continue until I’m drunk with it

With the cover, the binding, the pages, the scents, the stories

I drink the stories in

And when dread overwhelms my heart

I reach for another

Obsession of the best kind

Spawn of Satan


Spawn of Satan

I sit uneasy

I stand tall

I pull and press the cold torment in my hand

My dirty jean apron is tied

My cloudy red bucket nearby

The music in the distance is the only soothing thing

With the gray clay

I fixate my mind on a small perfect vase

And for a moment in space

It exists

I glace over at my tools

At my damp pick and my filthy needle

My hands bone dry

I make three coils

They are stacked on the wheel

Oh Coils I hate the false joy you bring

It makes my heart sing

A lovely but misleading tune

Makes me look like a loon

So I work work work

Faster, concentrate

I combine you into one piece

Low and behold like rotting mold

On my toast


You infuriate me

I plot ways to clash swords with you and win

Yet outwards travels the clay

Like a Mayan Temple

You, coils torture like a bully

You get inside my mind

You mess with calm

And create the perfect storm for madness

Maybe I stabbed my hand with the chisel

But so many failures of the toll of the coil

The toil of making circles makes me

Dizzy and you collapse my senses

Like a bully

You always reemerge

More hurtful

I stack and combine three more

It is woman verses nature

Maria against the coil

I will spin you around and make you puke

But again I have to start again

With what strength I have left

I stand up

I sadly but angrily crumple and thrust

You into the bin

Evil coil

You make my blood boil

You make me bleed my own blood

I have nothing to show for all these hours

Except your victory

And some blood

I curse the day you were born

Circles represent forever,

Perpetually they go on

So Forever I wage battle

Guerrilla Warfare

My fist smack and the table rattle

Until I collapse

Or you melt

Spawn of Satan

Black and White: Nina’s Dark Dream World of Desperation and Dance


I cannot dance to save my life, but I love watching dance and have never seen Swan Lake. You have probably seen hundreds of films, plays, and musicals, but you haven’t experienced anything until you have witnessed Black Swan. Natalie Portman is gripping from start to end. The film is captivating and takes us into Nina’s (Portman’s) world of Dance which we are quick to enter and her mentally ill mind. Masterfully directed by Darren Aronofsky, many angles of this film are ones you consider once the movie is over. It is like a song in your mind and parts of it splash on to you like a hurricane. You cannot look away no matter how disturbing because you want to be side by side with every minute of action and at times you feel that energy. I watched the end in disbelief, knowing it was worth it and that “I felt it, it was perfect.” She wanted it so badly. To become the lead ballerina and the Choice is Swan Lake. We meet Beth, the older dancer who has a horrendous accident the night that Nina has an important dinner presenting her as swan queen to the public. Her teacher is a womanizer and his lexicon is suggestive but Nina wants the Swan Queen role. Enter Mila Kunias. Lily who has emotions “she’s not faking it” says the teacher, Tom. They are told the story of the black Swan and Nina is chosen to the anger and jealous of other dancers. It is assumed that Nina is having liaisons with Tom. His nefarious behavior or kissing her and groping her is despicable, a man we love to hate. She is this look of fear that never really goes away. She has no role model.

I was taken aback by her mother’s disturbing influence. Her mother has Nina under her watchful eye and it is alarming to see that while Nina is self- mutilating, her mother just is drugged out in the other room. The little music box plays and sends our protagonist into dreams with the dark, devilish prince that causes her to awake in fright. The male teacher in charge of the company suggests that Nina touch herself, but hurting herself is something Nina begins to fancy. The clothes are extravagant and the film has amazing graceful ballet. It explores a dark side. Nina is falling apart and I can’t help but want to put myself through the screen and hug her. It appears that it is too late for that as The White Swan Nina plays masterfully. It is the black Swan that troubles her and fogs her mind. There are many aspects of this film that you don’t know if they actually occurred or not. Her having sexual intercourse with Lily after lily puts a drug in her drink to let her “roll”. Also, when her mom takes the door knob away and tells Nina she called and said Nina wasn’t well, Nina gets out of the apartment or rather storms out. It is opening night. Here she has a scene with Lily that I will never forget.

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you would cross the line for reaching it? This dream she has had for so long is her moment! No one can swoop up and steal her precious time that she slaved away practicing and bleeding in the name of ballet. Perhaps Lily, the new girl, embodies the qualities of the black swan. This film teaches and shows us the dark element of dance. I would never want to dance or have dreams like Nina. It takes you far past the edge into this world of obsession and madness that Nina cannot turn away from. What I love about this film is that there isn’t time and money and talk about the weather as things that bother you or make you stop and question things. It’s organic in the way it chooses to alarm and electrify your very being. Amid her woes you see that see loves dancing and it is everything to her. This lavish, decadent life she receives a glimpse of but on the downward spiral I want to scream but know it is too late. It’s over before you can help or see anyone who can. Truly it sways and rocks you into a troubled slumber of your own. Not for the weak of heart, I recommend Black Swan to anyone who has ever had a challenge in their life and given up or grown obsessed with that very challenge.