A Life You Could Not Kill

I wish I never came here

The irony – I was invited, hand picked for this purgatory I burned in

The smell of sawdust still haunts me

You, the teasing and the whispers

The names you called me when I was not around

A stab in an old wound hurts worse

I came back every single day

 A life you could not kill

Air, full of life, Stupid so stupid

I, a fool, came to build sets and befriend you

You tore an ugly hole in my soul

I cried a small river

Not realizing that everyone was my enemy

The same

No one ever once

Stood up and sat that’s enough

You just left me with all the work

While you basked in the glow of the top positions

I was an abused, malnourished, kicked puppy

Who never left the theater that was my beloved

I cut the wood, I measured, I swept, I sorted,  and I carried the 16 foot ladder

On my own. I painted. I took apart the stage pieces.

Why did you have to be so evil to only me?

Why was only I the subject of your cruel and usual punishment?

Why did you have to set my life on fire?

Was not my being your slave enough?

Now

Now it’s time to write

So much to my delight

The words, they just flow

And I completely let go

I become one with my mind

And I dig through and find

What it is that keeps me alive

I strive to be my best

I’ll pass every test

To impress only myself

To pluck a random book off the shelf

And write whatever I feel

Because I give it meaning

I make it real

No one can steal

No one can take

My passion away from me

Because my fiery passion

Is my vibrant poetry

Flowing, growing, glowing, away I go

Where I’ll go I simply don’t know

But no matter where

I will simply close my eyes

And truly allow my imagination

To take me there

To the depths of my true self

I will go far

And what I’ll discover

I don’t know maybe to a distant star

But if I find solace

Perhaps I’ll stay

Because I want to be purely sure

That opening my mind is the cure

To unlocking my secret pain and distain

And solving it with self-compassion

While recognizing my writing passion

And while it feels like I can write forever

And never take and break

I must now rest my eyes and think

Take a deep drink

Of water so crisp

As a wisp of air goes by

I’ll allow this moment to simply

Let my being fly

Review for The Art Forger

Within minutes of opening this book, my body was floating in a different world. Having just read The Goldfinch and just seen The Wife, I was familiar with the notion of art theft, of creating art for someone because you loved them and wanted them to succeed, and unfortunately the immense pain that causes for so many. The heartbreaks that Claire experiences in this book, the betrayals by the men she falls in love with are so acutely painful, they cause me to reminisce about my broken heart stories. I believe it takes a talented author to cause such a reaction in my heart as Shapiro did with The Art Forger. Claire and Isaac, Claire and Aiden both those relationships were shown through Claire’s eyes and we see Claire’s pain. I wonder if having multiple points of view could help us to better understand the motives of Isaac and Aiden. Something else that I am not mentioning is the way art is eloquently and brilliantly described and the life of an artist, throwing her life into her work another kind of love affair. And that’s the only lover that she ends up with. Her paintings. Was it because she struck that deal with Aiden that fate caused her such great pain? What about the troubled youth she taught and their pain? I believe their pain and her pain were similar and she went there to connect with them because she felt compassion towards them. She had extremely unhealthy eating habits and sleeping, but I wonder if that sacrifice is justified in the name of art. I only wish the best for Claire. How could I wish that when people blame her for Isaac’s death and Aiden is in jail while she is free? I’m afraid it’s too complicated to answer in a few words why I identify with Claire and her journey in this novel. For Aiden and Isaac I believe that absolute power corrupts absolutely. Isaac and Aiden’s power and subsequent greed in the world of art destroyed them. Also, there are so many unresolved issues with Aiden and Isaac in this book that I don’t know where to begin. Am I a fool to leave Claire blameless? No. It is a question we have explored in this group previously that I cannot answer but leave you all to ponder, Was Claire a bad person or was she a good person who did a bad thing?

Sweet lullabies of love

I pull on my Valentine’s Day sweater with care

The one with different colored lipstick kisses that makes me smile

I paint my nails a deep red

I send out wishes to all my family

I eat my oatmeal

Love my body with goodness

That’s my Valentine’s Day

I am grateful that I have so much love in my life

And one day soon

I will swoon

Over him

And my Valentine’s Day

Will include a romantic dinner

Roses or lilies

And most importantly

Someone that loves me with their entire heart

We will cuddle we will kiss

The won’t be a hint that I miss

We will romance

We will dance

We will appreciate the little things

We will hear our hearts sing

Sweet lullabies of love

Because I have you

I could use some loving

The kind that is real and true

I could use some loving

Will it be from you?

I could use some loving and I don’t know what I’ll do

Because I’m fading fast

From that love him once gave me that wasn’t true

There was no love only poison which I drank

I drank down his words

So the lower I sank

Now my mind is blank

Except for thoughts that were untrue

Now I’m a little blue

But I’ll get over him too

I could use some loving

From someone who actually means it

Someone who isn’t just a good fit

Someone who really cares and understands

Someone to hold my face in their hands

And show me real love

Not falsehoods and ulterior motives

Just be gentle and genuine

Be my lover but also my best friend

Only then can we have no end

And withstand any storm

Because our fierce love will keep us warm

Keep us safe from harm

Because it was you that did charm me

Because I could use some loving

And you knew

So you held on tightly and stuck like glue

After all that you are, all that you do

I no longer need anything

Because I have you

Ode to Mango Smoothies

Standing, pacing in line,
I don’t even need to decide
Or even think
Which of these nourishing wonders
I will drink.
I say you all lose, had no chance
Because I with certainty
Will choose a large frothy
Mango smoothie!
Juicy and tangy in perfect proportion,
Frosty, succulent, and invigorating as could be
Bright tangerine and ripe,
Oh precious mango you’re my type.
My love, my heart’s utter delight
Because in spite of being a little rough around the edges
If you look closely you’re absolutely beautiful.

There’s something enchanting about your taste
Something no one should ever waste.
So chilly in my trembling, thrilled hand
I try to understand
How something simple like a mango
Can make my tongue do a euphoric tango.
Instantly I’m overflowing
With joy of that mind-numbing beverage.
Completely transcends average
Oh, the taste of you makes me faint
I cannot hold any restraint.

When it comes to sweetly sipping
Your heaven sent drink.
A drink Jesus should replace instead of wine
And fish and loaves of bread
Have an extravagant fountain of magnificent mango flowing over head
Then feed our entire starving world with your
Delicious, sinful pleasure one sip at a time
Save the leftover potion
In an overwhelming motion
To help fight hunger around this planet!
With each gulp, impossible to measure
The amount I treasure this exotic fruit.

Until the next time
I’m back again in line
Humble and meek
My mango smoothie I seek
Irresistible as a lovers touch
How I adore mango smoothies so profoundly
Ordering the drink, the money I pay is nothing
In comparison to the drink I receive, like I’m ripping them off by paying so little
It should be measured by karats instead of pounds
Its net worth resound in millions of Sun kissed smiles
Of each person lucky enough to drink its electrifying taste
A beverage that the Gods would even enjoy
It’s flavor and consumption contagious, oh boy
Perfection at its peak
At my wedding orange and white the theme
Simple yet stunning color scheme
And a mango smoothie in hand
With the finest, most wonderful breathtaking lad in the land
My love and his wife (me)
Toast to forever grasping each other tight, toasting
With mango smoothies that starry night.

Ode to coffee

From the moment you touch my lips

It’s a special thing; I can barely hold my grip

You feel the air with joy and love

You’re truly a gift from God above

When I pour you into my cup

I quietly and quickly drink you up

I cannot get enough of you

Oh coffee, how I love thee

When I wake up

Or when I’m stressed

You will always know me best

A cup of you will pass my test

And no matter my qualm

After I ingest you I am calm

Your silky brown color

Your wondrous smell

Not a fiber of my being do you repel

It’s heaven when I walk into a room

That’s filled to the brim with your sweet perfume

A cup of coffee is all I need

To be happy, yes indeed

I have special moments with my mom and you

When we drink you together, our fun is simple but true

So no matter how bad my day

A coffee in my hand and it won’t stay that way

Ode to coffee

You’re so simple but so complex

I don’t know what will happen next

My future is one great mystery

But with coffee, I know the best thing will be

My love and I sipping a nice cup of it

That is something that hasn’t happened yet

Coffee lead the way

Although life is about changing, coffee please never go too far away

Forever in my heart, please stay

In the lines of your face

Star crossed lovers

So close to one another

I could say so much

About your love, spirit, your touch

I just love you so much

And I feel that

When we embrace

I forget the world

In the lines of your face

Still Madly in Love

The delicate dreams

That slowly stream

Deep inside my mind

What did I find

I found you

All of this internal fighting

All this chaotic writing

This much is true

I’m still madly in love with you

I miss the way you smile

I miss the way you laugh with me

I miss how in the book store we stood so still and quietly.

I miss you soft gray sweater

I especially miss your voice

I don’t have a choice.

You’ve enchanted me heart and soul

I feel like I’ll never be whole

How I’ve tried to move on

I’ve tried to have this feeling gone

But still I cannot shake it

Even though my heart you did break it

I simply cannot understand

Why if all the man in the land

That my heart beats for you

I miss our conversations

I miss my jubilation

Whenever you were near

There was nothing that I could fear

I miss your stunning eyes

How they would take me by surprise

I miss being us just being together

Talking for hours that feels like it could be our forever

The most beautiful thing

Was how my heart would sing

How when you talked to me

I felt so calm, safe, and happy

Because of your time and care

I never once had a nightmare

What I miss most is your embrace

Holding me close so the world I could face

So no matter where I am

No matter what I do

It consumes me inside, but I know

I’m still madly in love with you

I’ll love you in the snow…

I’ll love you in the snow

I’ll love you on the beach

I’ll love you in the water

I’ll love you on the land

I’ll love you no matter where I go

I will say this speech

I’ll love you in the park

I’ll love you in the store

I’ll love you until I can love no more

Then I will still love you because it’s all I know

This deep love that swallows me whole

I’ll love you when I bowl

I’ll love you when I sleep

I’ll love you when I brush my teeth

I’ll love you when I sing

I’ll love you as I sip coffee

I’ll love you when I dance

I’ll love you when I cry

I’ll love you in advance

I’ll love you when I hike

I’ll love you when I ride my bike

I’ll love you when I eat burgers and cheese fries

I’ll love you while I organize the library

I’ll love you when I read

I’ll love you when I get a job and move out and succeed

I’ll love you until I’m numb and blue

I’ll love you forever

That’s how long I’ll love you

I’ll love you when I garden

When I dress the Christmas tree

I’ll love you when I shovel snow

I’ll love you with such glee

I’ll love you when I clean

I’ll love you when I watch football

I’ll love you while I pray

I’ll love you while I shop

And I will never stop

I’ll love you when all the lights are out and there’s the approaching dawn

I’ll love you until the end of time is gone

And if you love me in return

I could learn to love even more

When our souls interlock

The love will be a shock of energy

My life anew

All because no matter where I am

I will always love you