Words Rupture Bone

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Earth shattering screams erupt
Disrupting my current turmoil
But it’s all quiet
Just disaster in my mind
Everyone is talking to me
Pulling me every which way
Giving me advice
I am drowning in words
That aren’t my own
I want to put a seal around my heart
To protect it
I would like time alone
Not to feel lonely like I often do
I want the stillness of alone
The calm of quiet
Words rupture bones
And tear at scars
But not me
I’m letting my mind
Drown out their words
Others can suffocate in their own advice
But not me
The storm clouds rain despair
Upon my unsuspecting heart
Me

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Ode to quiet mornings

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I quickly awake
My glasses I take
From a large stack of books
As I take a long look
And the current time
And I feel sublime
I leap out of bed and turn on my lamp near my head
I proceed to think of what to wear while I make my bed
Yes, I make it every single day
Because I prefer it that way
I organize clothes and clutter
Whatever tune I want, I quietly mutter
No one else is even awake
So full advantage of that, I take
I go and recognize the quiet I have for hours
Summoning my greatest powers
I take a quick shower
I make delicious coffee
I begin listening to music
And writing some new poetry
Whatever comes to me
In the corners of my mind
I find peace and calm
I do not have a single qualm
About how long it took
To read that book
Okay, it was only 3 or 4 days
I like to read faster anyways
I manage my pace
As I embrace
This truly serene space
I think about all things
That can, are, or may be happening
This is how I prepare for my day
Ode to quiet mornings
May you forever in my heart and mind stay
You bring forth a serene and joyous, boundless, happy new day

Hiding in the body of a young, vibrant woman…

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Only a Few good days pass

Before I relapse into my other self

Before my body and mind collapse into rage and fear

Before I cannot feel anything

Before my anxiety and paranoia take over

Before I shatter as I hit the abyss

All I can do once I’m at the frigid depth

Is not plunge all the way to the end

Before everything is lost

Before everyone I know leaves me

Because I know I’m a monster

Hiding in the body of a young, vibrant woman

Who loves books, burgers, football, and poetry

Who loves her friends and family with her entire heart

But all my joy was spilled out and ripped apart

Before I become the nothing I feel

I have to swim out of the abyss

And until I’m out of this cycle of pain

All I can do

Is tread water

So I don’t drown

And get swallowed up by the illness that threatens to take everything from me

I have to fight to stay above water

I have to battle

But more importantly

I must not give in

I must destroy what harms me

Only then can I truly defeat the abyss and win back my life

Because with you in my life, I feel complete I feel whole

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Many, many nights after

Our one big fight

I was in great fright

My body was giving into flight

I had a nightmare that I couldn’t shake

I thought this is more than I can take

I loved you so much it that hurt

You walked over towards me

And very quietly

You wiped my tears

On the sleeves of your shirt

But I just continued to cry

You were so, so worried

You didn’t know why

I was scared I’d lose you for good

That my heart would

Snap in half and break

And never be repaired

I couldn’t think

You handed my a cold drink

Of water and then you wiped my eyes

With your fingers and to my surprise

You said it was your fault

I said no it was mine

Then you did something truly divine

You just held my body in a loving embrace

For a moment there was no one at all in this entire place

My body stopped shaking the longer you held me

Then after our embrace I finally felt free

Suddenly a sweet kiss upon my lips

I could barely could get my grip

You felt it and you helped me not to fall

You then told me to never feel small

You told me “no matter what I do that I’ll always and forever love you”

And although it was tough

I knew love was enough

Enough to get us through

So with a peck

Upon your neck

You held my gaze

It didn’t faze

You

No more tears

From all my fears

Together longer

Now we are stronger too

Suddenly

You get down on one knee

Shock overwhelms my entire body

And before you can say anything

I say I do

You laugh and tell me you have so much more to say

You say this remarkable, beautiful speech about us

My troubles melt away

After I was a sobbing mess

You proposed and I said yes

You put the ring upon my finger

On my hand your hand seems to linger

The tears come again flowing fast

Because I know this Love was meant to last

You kiss my tears away

And that’s just where they will stay

There is so much joy in my soul

Because with you in my life

I feel complete, I feel whole

It is quiet now

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No more arguments about when to buy bread

That wake me from my dreams

No more lost glasses

No more searching for phone numbers

No more complaints

No more asking to do this and that

I can’t think straight when everyone is asking things at once

As the breeze of the air conditioning hits my  bare shoulders

I realize that there’s no more noise

No more sound

No more fury, worry, and sadness

It’s quiet now

 

My beating heart

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The more time I have to ponder

Walk, witness, and wander

The more I contemplate my beating heart

It beats for family, God, friends, my passions, and a one day love

A forever and ever love

A cuddle up and watch a movie together love

A give you my jacket when it’s cold love

A make you double chocolate brownies and grilled cheese love

A love all our own

A hiking and passionate kisses near the cool waterfall kind of love

As I draw up this kind of hope

All I can really feel

Is my beating heart

Be my eyes

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Eye in the sky

How far you fly

So many wouldn’t suffer

So hundreds wouldn’t die

Never tell a solider he doesn’t know The cost of war

Alan Rickman was brilliant

And he knows so much more

The tense scenes incite

The frustration starts a fight

Between great minds

About the casualties of war

And about how much

One life is worth.

How much is one life worth?

Watch this movie and decide.

From terrorism we want to run and hide.

We must act like in this film

But consider the repercussions

And the value of a life