Flecks of Me

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Neglected Space
See through Soul
Flaky
Brittle
Damaged
Sand
Cold
Bone Dry
Dust
Ash
Flecks of me

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Colorless Ideas Dream Furiously

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Colorless ideas dream furiously
Minds collide, rendering me senseless
Hope is a fleeting feeling
My stumbling heart
Sends my reeling
Fracturing my senses
Shattered me
Gushing blood streams
Seriously
Touch, Smell, Taste, Hearing and Vision
Seem quite impossible since that collision
Colorless ideas dream furiously
Minds collide

Until
I open my eyes
Only to be engulfed
But something in the distance
Hope or Despair
I don’t care
No more being numb
I just want any feeling
Because I’d rather feel pain
Then nothing at all
Suddenly
Colorful ideas dream happily
Minds collide, rendering me wide awake

Is it a coincidence perhaps that their happiness is achieved in the fairy world?

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Despite its length, William Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream proves to be able to carry its weight in whimsy and wisdom on a plethora of topics. There are different settings or worlds in this play, such as that of the mechanicals (the lower class workers), the mortal lovers (the upper class Athenians), but perhaps most notably the land of the fairies. All the problems of the entire land are brought front and center into an earth scattering level of events deep in the land of the fairies. It is a world that we can nor explain or understand in terms of how in the woods this land just exists. For the sake of the play, the fairy world is where the main events occur and magic is vital to the comprehension of the story. The juxtaposition of the unbelievable so close to reality helps greatly in considering and bringing the real actions of the characters into the limelight although some are sparkled with magical elements. The fairy world in A Midsummer Night’s Dream serves as a place where the most reality actually happens despite the magical qualities of the fairy world. Through the magic that exists in this world, many realities about the characters’ true intentions (good or bad) are revealed causing balance to be restored in the most unlikely of places. Through the four lovers as well as Oberon, Puck and several other key characters the plot is able to burst out in ways we would not be able to see in the other two worlds.
Oberon’s intentions are able to be made true, as only in the fairy world they could be. He wants the changeling from Titania, plain and simple. She refuses because she was meant to take care of the child. (II,i,86) But what Oberon wants he shall get. Here in the land of fairies, Oberon can get what he wants through magic, instead of directly breaking the law. Puck, or Robin Goodfellow from the fairy world does Oberon’s bidding where Titania falls in love with Bottom (a mechanical) who has been changed into a half-ass, half-man. This is actually perfect to Oberon’s master plan that while she is distracted, she will not been able to protect the changeling while under a deep love spell that he is only too happy to devise.
The imperative element to grasp from this is Puck is someone else, a fairy this time, whose intentions come out rather early although they can be blurred at times. He had the free will to say no, or create a nicer creature for her to fall in love with in the least. Puck wants to have these bad intentions masked with oh, Oberon made me do it. Although extremely subtle, Puck has the ability to say no. He is nobody’s minion and Shakespeare tries to have the reader fooled that he is indeed such. Also, Oberon’s intentions end up being perfect and working very well into the sequence of events in the play. The funny, whimsical ending where Titania is no longer in love for the potion is countered off of her through magic, could only be pulled off in the land of the fairies where disbelief does not exist and the spice of life is to simply go along joyously in your life.
Oberon’s intentions although cruel for he does successful kidnap the changeling can be seen mischievous like that of Puck’s. When he causes Lysander to love Helena and Demetruis to also love Helena through the love potion, Hermia does not understand what is happening and she is terrified and close to despondent. For previously she and Lysander were running away together to escape her father, and Helena did love Demetruis. Now, she wakes up and he loves her back somehow. It is such a complex feat to have someone you love to love you back that while it first seems awful that Demetruis is now permanently in love with someone not by choice. This is something the audience profoundly struggles with. It feels like a curse no human or fairy would want or deserves. The conclusion one may come to is that yes, it is better to have that love. Maybe he wakes up and truly loves her. There are so many variables. Perhaps it should be looked as a better life for Helena. However, while Oberon seems like this menacing, cruel character he actually for better or worse strongly influences the plot in many ways. Ultimately, he creates joy despite being cruel; again it seems this level of vast change can occur in the already wacky world of the fairies.
The women in this play are made to be simple and perhaps not the most intelligent and being in the land of fairies causes us to see a potent version. This is Shakespeare’s not so subtle way of displaying gender differences. We have Titania who doesn’t even care when her changeling is stolen. We have Helena chasing around Demetruis (II,i,202 -210) Helena is completely okay with Demetruis treating her like a dog as long as she loves him and he loves her back. So the women’s intentions are not that complicated to analyze and interpret for the women themselves are created by Shakespeare to not be that intelligent thus have no depth of character. Titania had such a great chance to be the exception; however she puts up no fight and it appears she does not even care about the child in the end. This makes her seem like a complete airhead for lack of a better term, again discovered deep in the fairy world.
Lysander and Demetruis’s intentions are clear but distorted by the powerful love potion inflicted upon them. Lysander wants to do much more than sleep next to Hermia at first. Hermia insists that he sleep on that rock over there, way over there. This is comical but it shows that Lysander will be patient to win Hermia’s trust so that they can consummate their love once they are married. Demetruis, however, wants nothing to do with Helena who is chasing and begging him to love her. Shakespeare makes the women look pathetic and devout compared to the men who have the power in this play. It is something about the time period where the men and women are clearly parallel to one another. Compared to the mortal world, things are too normal and calm. We get a background which is important, but the real action happens in the land of fairies.
In conclusion, there are so many factors that go into this play, William Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. The three areas in which the play takes place all shape different elements of the play, but none more powerful than the land of the fairies. In this land, through love potions and complicated plots and a large cast of characters one can discover the true intentions of all the characters because they are in the fairy world and it seems so many things change and become clear once one is in this magical world. Oberon and Puck, our cruel man and our lovable prankster show their true colors. The analysis of how women are dealt with and treated like second class citizens can be seen through not only their treatment by males but by how they themselves behave. Finally, there is that juxtaposition to consider. The fairy world is so close to the mortal world. Does this perhaps cause the world to be more believable, because while being so different on the surface maybe it is not? It is a world where people want to be happy. That is what the four lovers wanted by coming there unintentionally. It is what Oberon wanted. It is what Titania wanted. Is it a coincidence perhaps that their happiness is achieved in the fairy world? No, it is clearly intentional that the fairy world represents closure and resolution. It does this flawlessly; one simply needs a bit of the magic for themselves to see it clearly.

Truth, Essence, and Being

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There’s words I can’t say and phrases I cannot utter.
So my brain clogs and fills with clutter…
I jumble thoughts and phrases into sentences.
I think therefore I am?
No I think therefore I write.
I write therefore I am.
Furiously, passionately, maddeningly
I forge the words onto the page.
I forge clarity.
Those once jumbled, now clear words become my truth.
My truth because my essence.
My essence becomes my reality,
And it’s my reality that erupts into my being.

Confession

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Where is he?

Did we cross paths and I just missed him?

Never hugged, never kissed him?

Did I ever see him?

As I get older I wander as I wonder

I hope to God we soon meet

Writing about love without a muse

Is like painting

With no paints

Skating

With no ice skates

I am getting my life in order

And I know in my heart

That I am ready

Ready for when the time is right

Ready for that confession of Love

I will confess it to you

I will tell you how I feel

It won’t be in my mind this time

No, this time

It will be real

Who I am to humanity

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Someone who cries and yells frequently, a lot

Someone whose blood is a boiling pot

Someone transfixed with what’s not

I’m violent

I’m bossy, mean

Obsessed with homework,

What I can’t have

I, selfish

I cry myself to sleep

I’m hypersensitive

Agreeing to anything is a leap

If someone screams not a peep

From me that is

You see my feeling big as the sky

Shoot them down with your hunting rifles of words

I just let the harsh remarks fly

Inside I die

I spy

I comply

I buy it

Buy into the lies

I’m a racist and a feminist though no one knows why

I’m incapable of love

I am scared of everything

I can’t sing

I’m Polish but too prou-

Wait slow down

Erase all that

Scratch it out

Burn it so I can feel the affectionate flames that compel me-

I want the ashes of the troubled “perceptions of me by humanity”

Burning in the fiery pits of hell!

This is who I really am

(No rhyme this time)

 

The complete truth

A hopeless romantic,

Who is thus romantically hopeless

I am assertive

No one will be walking all over

Me with their stinky shoes

In fact no one can touch me

Unless well, let’s see

I let them.

Maybe I can’t perform so well

But my memory bank for music and theater

Is phenomenal, swell

I love movies and music and fine dining as well

I am tolerate of all races, religions

I am concerned for the future of the world

I care for others more than myself

I’m a very Polish girl

Loves to see the sun swirl

I’m not afraid of everything

I love nature, simple things

But I’m scared of

Planes, trains

Stalkers, heights

And anything that bites

I fall asleep to my i-pod

Not tears

I’m incapable but of being loved in return which I guess is worse

I don’t buy the hype

I’m not that type

Of Woman

I’m passionate about my hobbies

I have a deep love for the world,

But am on occasion cynical

But Mostly I’m Maria.

I’m completely unsystematic and sometimes nerve wrecking.

I am what I want to be and no one or anything else.

I’m appreciating things while you still can.

This is who I am

Face it embrace otherwise

Turn around and walk away

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

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When a mirror crosses my path I avoid it! I do not own a single mirror. Such a device does not exist in my room. When I look in the mirror, I can pick apart the different layers and see my eyes my mind; it helps me to hide the inner most layers of paint, of lies, I tell myself each day, of hopes and dreams that were happiness, excitement, love, passion, obsession, hope, dreams, loneliness, confusion, curiosity, anger, suppressed fury, and sadness. The inner layers of my subconscious include self-hate living in my sister’s shadow, being dejected and forever lost. These layers are my beautiful disasters. They are my breakdowns. When I look long enough in the mirror I want to smash it. Memories of illness that is permanent and the things I can’t change overwhelm me. The worst part is that nothing I can say or do will change it. I don’t want to be that sad girl who is brittle and fragile and clearly not all there. When I look long enough at this wall of truth I see exhaustion, I see the wanting of dreams to come true. I tell lies to myself that what I dream will come into reality.
I see in the mirror what I cannot change. I will always be second best! When I see the silver device again I want to shatter it. Destroy it. Melt it. Shatter it. A mirror has a long list of stereotypes. Be this fake entity. I have to look nice, thin, sexy, porcelain doll perfect. [Insert name here ] is trapped in this idea of me becoming this perfect person. I want to understand how I broke [ ] porcelain image, I actually shattered it – broke out of that stage, I have no long lived in this way , and in return now, I look into the memories, and I see failure, someone struggling to go to bed each night and not hate myself.

This sudden knowledge that no one can love me if I don’t love myself first.
When I glance at myself, I’m curious am I that ugly, tired thing? Why should I even care any longer? Everyone expects these things from me when I want to live in a world where none of those frivolous things matter. A mirror is quite a dangerous friend for once you lose sight of what is important you see only skin deep. Now when I look in the mirror, I love my aqua outfit I love my eyelashes, all I wonder how is who will love me back, more specifically will he? Respect me, pile up and pull apart my thick intricate layers. After that you must still love me despite and in spite of myself. That happy girl, content and lovely the one I once was, maybe he can capture and release what he sees – an exquisite, intelligent, ambitious, tender, gentle, wild, unpretentious – the jungle of qualities that make me.

When I look in the mirror for a third time, someone is behind me. Wow, Maria I never knew you were one of those girls. I’m not, I said. I just like watching the physical breakdown, I thought Hollywood tells us what we should look like. I only want to be myself today, tomorrow, forever. When I look in the silver slab of honestly, I remember what someone once told me. Don’t hide and be yourself. Do not care what other people think. Even though the mirror can’t lie, an interpretation is left up to the eye of the beholder. When the mirror and I cross paths, I see that first day at the hospital. Only I see that girl who gets her heart ripped from inside her everyday, that girl who has to pick herself up without aid from anyone and say – you can do it, why care about the past – go out there and show them. Understand. Love. Find the line try never to cross it. Pull yourself together. The only person that “mirrors” my emotions with wise words and a gentle tone – [ ] When I see his face, I don’t need a mirror – I see a smile which I am certain has crept across my face. What I need is already inside me. It is how you use it, that knowledge that makes a world of difference.