Because with you in my life, I feel complete I feel whole

Standard

Many, many nights after

Our one big fight

I was in great fright

My body was giving into flight

I had a nightmare that I couldn’t shake

I thought this is more than I can take

I loved you so much it that hurt

You walked over towards me

And very quietly

You wiped my tears

On the sleeves of your shirt

But I just continued to cry

You were so, so worried

You didn’t know why

I was scared I’d lose you for good

That my heart would

Snap in half and break

And never be repaired

I couldn’t think

You handed my a cold drink

Of water and then you wiped my eyes

With your fingers and to my surprise

You said it was your fault

I said no it was mine

Then you did something truly divine

You just held my body in a loving embrace

For a moment there was no one at all in this entire place

My body stopped shaking the longer you held me

Then after our embrace I finally felt free

Suddenly a sweet kiss upon my lips

I could barely could get my grip

You felt it and you helped me not to fall

You then told me to never feel small

You told me “no matter what I do that I’ll always and forever love you”

And although it was tough

I knew love was enough

Enough to get us through

So with a peck

Upon your neck

You held my gaze

It didn’t faze

You

No more tears

From all my fears

Together longer

Now we are stronger too

Suddenly

You get down on one knee

Shock overwhelms my entire body

And before you can say anything

I say I do

You laugh and tell me you have so much more to say

You say this remarkable, beautiful speech about us

My troubles melt away

After I was a sobbing mess

You proposed and I said yes

You put the ring upon my finger

On my hand your hand seems to linger

The tears come again flowing fast

Because I know this Love was meant to last

You kiss my tears away

And that’s just where they will stay

There is so much joy in my soul

Because with you in my life

I feel complete, I feel whole

Advertisements

Stop using your power to hurt others

Standard

In light of all the sexual assault allegations against so many I write:

Please think long and hard about what you are doing

Please stop and think about it

Please don’t do it

Don’t !

Think about the other person

Think about the agonizing pain

Think about if that was someone you loved

And how you would feel

Or just think about what is right

And if you still want to do horrible wrongs

Please get help

But …. !

No buts!

Just stop it!

Stop hurting others

They are scarred for life

Full of sadness, pain, and strife

Because of your actions

Stop the hurt

Stop the assault

And above all

Stop using your power to hurt others

I’ll make you whole

Standard

That pain in your eyes has been there for days.
I don’t want to ask, I’ll just get in the way.
The pain in your eyes it reflects on the lake
That anguish I wish so badly I could extract and take
Turn it to ice and let it shatter
Because after it melts it simply won’t matter
It will seep deep into the earths cracks and flow far away
While my hand in your hand will stay
I will listen if you need me.
I’ll stay silent if you don’t,
But if the pain becomes too much
Please express it how you want to,
And judge you, I won’t.
I will do anything to comfort that which takes such a heavy toll
And with all the love contained in my being ill fill the cracks in to make you whole

War Stories from my Father, in the Honor of Poland

Standard

If there’s one thing I know, it is that telling stories is more difficult then telling tales. Telling stories is waiting for the moment when your friend is listening, I mean really listening and you pour out your feelings. Telling tales is adding or subtracting from what actually happened, and that is a lie. These “tall tales” or metafictional works of the imagination are what our narrator wants us to watch out for. O’Brien points this out right away- that metafiction is where truth and fake diverge. He indicates that when you see a horrid event, reality leaves you for a while. Sometimes the truth, meaning what actually happened, is so hard to digest that you want something pleasant in the story. The author indicts that those stories are half truth or less. This entire chapter in it’s self is a threshold between what really happened and what people want you to believe. Nature plays a key role in how “he died was almost beautiful.” Curt Lemon died, yes, but O’Brien toys with reality in my mind until the truth comes out. That’s the trouble with war stories, O’Brien declares. I agree, for when he says that they are supposed to hurt the stomach, I can attest to that myself.

When I was really sick in bed, last night actually, and I thought of a question, one I have wanted to know for years my dad was at my side. I was feeling nauseous, and in incredible amounts of pain. My dad stayed with me almost the entire night leading into the day. The question I asked him baffled him, I knew right away in his tone. His answer was even more shocking. Actually, the story he told is still intriguing me, how against even the evils of Hitler my grandfather, whom I never met survived the Second World War. The story translated into English went like this:

My father was the leader of about ten other men. (I ask how many) Ten, he says. (Then he pauses for a while lost in thought, and continues.) They were the men who gave information back to the Allies’ powers, but when the Russian men came, they knew. They knew that my dad was not on Hitler’s side, so they had a plan. A plan to kill the men, he said. (Then he paused, this time a different pause- a sad pause. Seeing my eyes in the dim light filled with intrigue he continued slowly though. I was scared of what was to come of the men. My fears came true when he suddenly told the rest of the story. I thought maybe the men…, when my dad seeing my imagination going went on too.) Four of them were caught the next day, taken to Siberia where they were brutally done away with. (Heads cut off or something worse I asked my dad.) It was probably worse knowing Stalin but not for your ears child. The next dawn, my father and his remaining men escaped quietly, quickly and most importantly ( my dad said) without a chase. (How far I asked?) From the tip of Illinois to the border of Iowa (for I needed an estimated route), and stayed there until they knew no one would come back to their hideout. My father just knew, child, he knew that it was safe, and so they came back and worked. More alert now, my dad says. He wasn’t taken ( he declared). To the working camp either, the death camp, he ran away from that also. (How, I asked) God, he said. He was a good man, Maria. (I wished I had met him.) Then my dad says he wishes also. After that, he was quiet and I swear I could see tears forming at the brim of his pale, tired eyes. Then I asked one final question, and asking it almost made me cry, so I cannot imagine what it must have done for him.

Do you miss your dad? Yes, too much his said. That is why child, I think of Poland less, or differently. Because I do not have a mom or a dad. Hearing him say that aloud at 50, for the first time baffled me, but just then I began rapid coughing once again. So he helped me. For hours, and his mind was on helping me, but his eyes felt strange. I think his eyes where in Poland.

Define Happy (A throwback from when I was 18)

Standard

Currently my life consists of many various ingredients that go into the cake that is Maria Pondo. One starts with an 18th year old girl. Then you add the spices like Polish 100% and Roman Catholic by her own choosing. Being single tops the list of things that are me. Well you factor in my upbringing and environment and you get this – me! You envision a girl who worships every Sunday, is generally concerned with the world as a whole. She loves her heritage and finds it is a part of her heart. Being single is something I have just come to accept. Some things haven’t worked out in the past, but I can’t love someone who will hurt me, and I have been hurt so much, I don’t expect it to happen to me; for someone to come into my life because they care. My standing on marriage is this. It is that both people play an equal role. Respect, honesty, honor, love, and genuine care are merely the basic building blocks of a healthy marriage. Trust is a huge factor. Respecting a woman’s body and wishes in terms of a career. If she wishes to be a housewife, and then by all means be the best you can be. However, if she wishes upon a career and a man denies her this, he is doing both parties a disservice by acting selfishly. Agreeing upon the raising of children is extremely important. The final block of it is a multilayered balance of time between various activities and with the ones you love. Maybe you don’t want to compromise, but let me ask you something. When you get that promotion and your life is thus propelling forward that’s nice, but doe it means anything if you’re alone?

With marriage I believe that the male cannot be dominant as my current life status believes, and that the mother cannot forego her power as a mother. Also, they need to understand what’s best for their partner, not just themselves. To reiterate the point of allowing the mother to choose her career or work out a compromise not just the male. Nothing should be forced. You should act together flawlessly as one. Granted there with be problems as no one is perfect, you by having a solid base of honesty, honor, trust, and respect and work on it when times get tough. Without that base, you need to understand that abuse, infidelity, or separation may follow. I am a strong woman would will not subordinate to commands. I was taught to not be “high maintenance”, but I don’t think some chivalry is so hard to ask for.

The two view points are as different as the sun and the moon. One is the current life that I have on this Earth. One of suffering, but happiness too like life should be. One that makes me feel complete to do hard work, but to find wiggle room to mingle and have fun in a safe environment. I realize from this that I would never change anything about myself, not even my illness. I’m ten times stronger as a result. I will love, live, and do it all. I could potentially live to see all my dreams come true. I understand now how much of a different life I could have by playing with many attributes that make me who I am. Do you know what? Dreams are wonders, and they never retire. I can have a stable marriage with a man who loves me for who I am. He will respect me. I would not marry someone if they weren’t the one. So, fulfilling your hopes and dreams is the way to be. I will care about myself and that very special someone. Together we will bond and form a structured lifestyle without commands and without skeletons in the closet. It is what I choose. My current life would be cold and empty any other way.

An Essay I wrote at 17 about a president I admire (throwback)

Standard

I thought in today’s troubling times I would share this essay of hope. Please enjoy and share your favorite president in the comments.

  A Dance with Catherine: The Many Faces of John F. Kennedy

John F. Kennedy came into his presidency looking as a fresh, new face in the American government. In fact, the American public was immediately taken by the bright, upbeat image he exuded. The people as well as the government slowly grew in majority to believe that Kennedy could handle anything, and as it turns out, it is almost certain that no one could have done a better job, or spoken to the people quite like Mr. Kennedy. The one thing that completely stunned the people was the influential, charismatic mannerisms that this president had. He was not only the youngest president ever, but one whose speeches are still quoted today. Being born into a wealthy, influential family he experienced extravagant living from the beginning. The other extravagant, personal characteristic about him that one notices right away is his amazing courage.

In many ways, Kennedy had an unfinished life, only living from 1927 to 1963 (Dallek). He was assassinated before he could properly deal with the Vietnam War. Many believe that there was a plot against his life and that is unfortunate for he could have accomplished so many more things. Sometimes what made the state senator turned president’s life more extravagant was the simplicity in which he executed his speech. “This is a great country. But I think it can be greater. I think we can do better.  I think we can make this country move again.” (Rubin) More so, Kennedy not only gave moving speeches but a whole lot more care was put into each and every word like an artist with an unfinished piece of art. “Kennedy actually stirred people into action.” (Rubin)

However, the speeches he gave while alive were enough from moving us to tears, to changing our entire spectrum of thinking. John F. Kennedy is best perhaps remembered for his inaugural speech, in which he states, “Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.” (Clarke) There is another quote that proves that not even the president believes completely in our justice system, and that is an extraordinary thing for him to admit. “Law alone cannot make men see right.” (Rubin)

When medical problems put a damper on the president’s life he had this to say, “No this is my time. My time is now.” (Dallek) He was suddenly ill, and some doctors even speculated him to be in a wheel chair for a while. However, the strong-willed president just kept upon the path he was. Despite being so rich and having such luxuries, he managed to keep a straight head and relate to the American public. This situation of illness proved that the president was willing to pull himself forward and lead the nation until his untimely death in 1963 in Texas. His death left a permanent scar of questions that will never be answered.

Perhaps the most extravagant thing in Kennedy’s life was his role in the Vietnam War. It was clear he wanted us to get out of it, but because of assassination that would never be so. He expressed concerns that Vietnam would join the already growing curtain of red, in other words communism. Although Kennedy was not a coward, he felt dignified with losing this war. “Did not necessitate a victory”, he was clear as a bell in his thinking that Vietnam cannot fall, but he also believed that we, as a people needed to realize that we should pull out of Vietnam. The amount of money and lost lives that had been spent was unacceptable to him and the American people. He acknowledged that as another excellent reason to pull out of Vietnam, for if the plans were not following through then, the cost was not worth the loss of money and life.

The attention-grabbing concept about the crisis with Russia, Cuba, and Vietnam, was not only his different responses to each, but how his children were all shown with him, a bonding that would not last. His daughter, Catherine, is shown dancing with him in a well-known book, and it shows the sensitive caring side of the president. (Kennedy had to deal with the Cuban Missile Crisis which involved Russia (Perret). Any other president would have his children away and protected while he worked under these extremely stressful conditions. He worked in these top secret meetings, but in between them would always have time for a dance with Catherine. Many look at this as inappropriate. However, Kennedy did not care and for that he should be applauded, for as extravagant as he was as a president, he was twice as amazing a dad. When he passed away, America’s heart broke right with Catherine.

As a result, Kennedy was seen as an extravagant person as a politician and father. He was incredible during his inaugural speech that that set him off in the right direction. His dealings with the Cuban Missile Crisis and ultimately Vietnam showed his character as not only a president but a person. It is so difficult to imagine that such an amazing human being could be assassinated and more so that America could continue fighting in a war it was not meant to win. So here is a final quote from Kennedy’s first speech as president. They are powerful words, but universal as well, and prove as to the color of his character. “Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and the success of liberty.” (Safire)

I must have called a thousand times… At the theater: A movie goers nightmare 

Standard

I excitedly went to see The Revenant, but was so bothered by the man next to me who was on his phone the entire time. The blue flash of light irratied me to no end. I was fuming and unsure how to proceed. I managed to fall in love with this film and its message. The scenes were stunning. It was not easy, but the movie was so beyond incredible. The cell phone was a nightmare, glowing in my peripheral vision. It’s such a small thing but it’s incredibly inconsiderate. Why take a relaxing time and make it stressful for someone who is there for fun?

I hope next time I am able to speak up for myself or simply move. Either option is good, but I was nervous to confront someone. Were they possibly unaware of their actions?

 However, I think out of respect to everyone else, if you want to play on your phone for three hours, don’t come to the theater and ruin it for someone who has been so excited to see the movie. Put down you phone and enjoy the life happening right in front of you! So excited to have that escape, that rush of the movie. Just don’t go to the theater if you can’t be respectful, as it is truly unfair to someone trying to have an experience and enjoy life.