To Protect him

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He’s ill again
I mean, he has a condition
Several actually
I have to suspend my worry
But I have to
Protect him from stress
Protect him from getting worked up
Protect him from noise
Protect him
I stay quiet
My own pain festers and swells
My own pain threatens to swallow me up
My own pain suffocates me
I put up a book to read
And suddenly I’m out of the water
I can breath
My relief is temporary
My pain begins to fester again
But I’ll do whatever I have to
To protect him
But, in all of this, who will protect me?

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Drunk with it all

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I pick it up

It looks innocent enough

I swallow it in less then a day

It’s so gripping I cannot stop

I cannot help myself

I continue with another one

I continue until I’m drunk with it

With the cover, the binding, the pages, the scents, the stories

I drink the stories in

And when dread overwhelms my heart

I reach for another

Obsession of the best kind

Leave me smouldering…

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Pain smashing holes in my agony
No job – Slam
No lover – Smack
No apartment – slash
Can’t drive a car – slam
Can’t find a purpose – smack
Can’t find a reason to smile – slash
There’s slams and smacks and slashes
Burning holes in my soul
Leave my smoudlering
Let me be the one to save my soul
Can I constrain the cells?
Can I contain the pain?
Can I compartmentalize the parts until I’m okay?
Can I make myself whole?

Sweet lullabies of love

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I pull on my Valentine’s Day sweater with care

The one with different colored lipstick kisses that makes me smile

I paint my nails a deep red

I send out wishes to all my family

I eat my oatmeal

Love my body with goodness

That’s my Valentine’s Day

I am grateful that I have so much love in my life

And one day soon

I will swoon

Over him

And my Valentine’s Day

Will include a romantic dinner

Roses or lilies

And most importantly

Someone that loves me with their entire heart

We will cuddle we will kiss

The won’t be a hint that I miss

We will romance

We will dance

We will appreciate the little things

We will hear our hearts sing

Sweet lullabies of love

The only witnesses of our first kiss, the glitter makes me shiver

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Meandering thoughts converge

Across the glistening snow

Painted across my mind

The glitter makes me shiver

It’s such beauty to behold

Fresh snow makes everything seem possible

As I’m spinning between constellations and dreams

I see you, across the fresh snow

You are the epitome of my dreams

You walk slowly toward me

I want to run to you

But I’m frozen in place

Like the ice stinging my face

Then as quickly as you came

You are gone

I wasn’t fast enough this time

I curse myself for the failure

But hope overwhelms me and

Glancing over once again

You are there again

You must have disappeared beyond the shadows

This time I blast towards you

I won’t let you slip away

As tired thoughts melt

We hold each other at last

The haunting glow of the snow

The shadows that surround us

The lines of clouds are the only

Witnesses of our first kiss

Brush it off, and recall – These poems, these memories

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These poems these memories
They boil up with me
Sending me nostalgically
Into what I want to be
Blending words like chemistry
Expressing my life into an expository
Talking about things
Talking about flying with my pair of wings
Talking about new beginnings
Old endings
The reals and the pretend endings
Talking about acting like yourself
Not like anyone else
I dive off the edge
I smash into the ledge
I brush off the pain
I look for whom to blame
And someone who can tame
The wild within me
Before I turn this into the never-ending story
I’ll sign off, still seeking eternal glory!

Desire‚Äôs got a reckless hold on me

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Dripping of desire

Desire of so much more

Desire of my own life

Desire of a great job

Desire of true love and lust

Desire of perspiring until I lose the weight

Desire of the 10k race

Desire off all my goals

One day at a time

Desire

Dripping desire

Of reckless hope

Reckless hold on me

Desire’s got a reckless hold on me