To Protect him

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He’s ill again
I mean, he has a condition
Several actually
I have to suspend my worry
But I have to
Protect him from stress
Protect him from getting worked up
Protect him from noise
Protect him
I stay quiet
My own pain festers and swells
My own pain threatens to swallow me up
My own pain suffocates me
I put up a book to read
And suddenly I’m out of the water
I can breath
My relief is temporary
My pain begins to fester again
But I’ll do whatever I have to
To protect him
But, in all of this, who will protect me?

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Sweet lullabies of love

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I pull on my Valentine’s Day sweater with care

The one with different colored lipstick kisses that makes me smile

I paint my nails a deep red

I send out wishes to all my family

I eat my oatmeal

Love my body with goodness

That’s my Valentine’s Day

I am grateful that I have so much love in my life

And one day soon

I will swoon

Over him

And my Valentine’s Day

Will include a romantic dinner

Roses or lilies

And most importantly

Someone that loves me with their entire heart

We will cuddle we will kiss

The won’t be a hint that I miss

We will romance

We will dance

We will appreciate the little things

We will hear our hearts sing

Sweet lullabies of love

Ice, then – Metamorphosis

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It swallowed me
Half of me hates all I am
Hates all that I have become
Who am I?
What happened?
I fell through the ice
Thinner
Until it cracked
I almost drowned
And then hypothermia came knocking
Now,
I just thread water
I just get by
I DON’T WANT TO JUST GET BY
It is only a matter of time before
I fall through the ice again
This time
I know
I’m ready
I won’t fall through
I will be just fine
Getting by
Then I will
Pick up
Move away
Shadow and now
A ghost later
New life
That means more than getting by
So much more
I emerge from the ice
Like a phoenix from the ashes
I am changed

Fickle Heartbeat

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When you enter the room
I can sense it
When we make eye contact
I can feel it
It never wavers
It never falters
Your presence
Is the essence
Of a forever
Fickle heart beat
Faster and slower
My blood pressure
A rollercoaster
You may sense it
You may feel it
When I walk into a room
But until we speak
And the realization comes true
All I have
Are glimpses of happiness
And a fickle heartbeat
Beating for you

I loved you long before…

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I loved you 25 pounds ago

I loved you two haircuts ago

I loved you before that promotion

I loved you before that car

I loved you before that fancy apartment

I loved you before the degrees

I loved you long before the fanfare

I loved you before everything changed for the better

Because you were the best thing that ever happened to me

Before all these things

I loved you when things were hard

I loved you when life was simple

The moment I laid eyes on you I loved you

And although great change is constantly occurring

My love for you only gets stronger

The fire burns, an eternal flame

Because before you became the person you adore

You have to know one thing:

You were always the man I loved