A stream of conscious sensation

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The extreme, powerful, self destructive, limitless, smothering, and abundance of love:
Sensation.
Its grasp for better or worse you cannot escape
Angry, rage, happiness, bliss, lust, love, end.
A perfectly shocking range in changes of sensations
Spectrums, rainbows
Feelings that will beat you black and blue
And all the other colors in between just as vivid
Leaving marks on your heart
The condensation of emotions are
Waters droplets of pure
Jubilation and utter aghast
And penetration of a feeling
Coming through
Many levels and kinds of feelings
Such Powerful Feeling
Its implodes my senses and I’m almost numb
The passion the pain flows freely
From each and every one of my cells
Visually sensation explodes in my brain
The art work created causes arguments in my brain.

Feelings Flying through my Flesh

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Feelings Flying through my Flesh
I cannot comprehend
These feelings that have amassed in my mind
They are so horribly, shockingly strong
I literally cannot breathe another breath
They, thoughts, tug mercilessly at my collar and choke me
Suddenly, without warning, they let go!
There is a calm stirring
But the feelings of worry are growing louder
So I lie down on the pale blue carpet
Flat, dark room, relaxed
I set a 15 minute alarm
Then I go away in my mind until I am almost asleep
When I get up I feel so incredibly alive
I can breath
My shirt collar has let go, a great release
The fresh air flows so much that I’m drunk with air
Praise the Heavens
I am calm
And thinking only I can make this right.

Dreams (Throwback, But Truth)

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Dreams. Some of us have. Some of us do not. Sometimes. All the time. Somewhere and everywhere. There are sometimes built over time with posters in bed rooms, movies running in our minds, and hope in our hearts. As with some movies, these can take unexpected and sometimes unfortunate turns. Because sometimes we get sick. We forfeit the championship game before the try-outs even start. We hang up our soccer shoes and remember things like the nick names we got while we attempted to fulfill them. Bruiser was my nickname and a part of my dream. Soccer was my sport, defense was my position. Then after eighth grade I got sick, and sophomore year called for no more P.E. period. Funny how some dreams bring other ones into light. The dream to create. To be part of something bigger than yourself. How to be humble. My junior year I stepped into this new world and new dreams were pressed on fast forward. Dreams. You never really forget your dreams. They stay with you as you complete your morning jog, your salad, your chores, your romantic dinner, your fight with the cable guy. As much as you try to alienate yourself from them. They call to you. To be social was another dream I never fully held on to. It seemed to always be slipping from my grasp when final it seemed it had never existed. Now on the in-betweens, I’m trying to envision new dreams. Not to replace old ones. To be a smile now. You see funny thing about dreams. They never retire.

I struggle to answer

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Listening to this song

“We don’t talk anymore”

I think of you

And realize the lyrics

Hit too way close to home

So I listen over and over

Searching for why I still think of you

We don’t talk anymore

We don’t laugh anymore

But the song says “like we used to”

But we don’t talk at all

Do I miss it? Yes

Do I miss you?

I struggle with the answer

Dreams once with you are nightmares now

I struggle to answer

Do I miss you?

Are those three words enough? Journey back to high school days…

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when I came upon this question
rather haphazardly
when we spoke
words failed me
the emotions
he evoked
within my spine
ignited my bones
and I realized
it’s more than a crush
I think about you
when I brush my hair
when I hear music
when I adjust my marching uniform
when I cry
i wish you were there
someone who’s shoulder I
could hold onto and cry
you wouldn’t mind
I know you wouldn’t
but how do you tell
someone
that you have feelings
strong ones
possibly love
but those three words
are not enough

so
how do you do it?
how can I?
when words fail me
when we coexist in the same space
I can’t hide my smile
perhaps we will collide
but perhaps
i’ll never know
what he actually thought of me
if anything reminded him of me
or worse
if he ever thought about me at all…

 

Wanderlust?

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My Summertime sadness

Turns to bursting joy

As I awake a quick mistake

And I nearly fall

I laugh, as I am still sleepy

But it’s time to be alive

Be awake

So I make two cups of coffee

One for now and one for soon after

I dream about the gym and the theater

Two different places, a rush the same

Two mediums of relax

In the theater my brain wanders

In the gym my body does so

But both my body and mind are linked

They are in sync

And as I concern myself with what I want to do

I jot things down quickly

I prepare myself for the gym

I look through old photos as I watch the news

My brain is going so fast

So I type this poem

As John Legend echos

“This time we’ll take it slow”

Suddenly, in the dining room

Wanderlust?