Breathlessly

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Smoke coasts endlessly
We kiss breathlessly
Disaster in the air
Love in the distance
It’s black and white
and gray
All at the same time
As
Smoke coasts endlessly
We kiss breathlessly

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Screaming and Silence

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But without a job and
Without him
Without those two things
It feels like I just go through the motions
It feels overwhelming and numb
It feels like screaming and silence
Want to be thankful
I have a roof over my head
I have an abundance of food
I have a place to sleep
I have a loving family
I have good friends
I have what I need
But what if those two things I want
Are also what I need?
Are there a handful of some magic words I can say
And then everything will be okay?

Self-destruct

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You gave me all the love
All the love
In your quiet, subtle way
That’s why it meant so much
Although different worlds
Different views
Different accents
Different beds
Different skies
Different states
You listened to me
You were patient
You tried to push me
To get closer
You opened up to me
I freaked out
I ran away
I fell on my face
Now far from grace
I’m so blue
Trying to get close to you
Am I even breathing?

Unravelling because I’m at arms length

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You hold me at arms length
Not letting me in
I hurt you more then once
Not aware of my destruction
Until you told me fully
I wonder
Can you keep me close
Can you love me most?
I crave your good mornings
And your good nights
But I get occasional hellos
We talk like we barely know each other
Slowly things inside me start to unravel
Slowly things inside me shatter
When you explain how unwanted you felt
When I left you
I try to explain I was scared
I try to to rationalize my actions
But you deserve so much more
You say trusting me will take time
I should be happy you are giving me a chance
But I rupture
Because I miss us
I know you guard your heart
I know you want space
I know it’s my fault
But inside my brain, there are chemicals
And they won’t fade
I hope you can forgive me
Because it feels so hallow so numb
Without you

Sweet lullabies of love

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I pull on my Valentine’s Day sweater with care

The one with different colored lipstick kisses that makes me smile

I paint my nails a deep red

I send out wishes to all my family

I eat my oatmeal

Love my body with goodness

That’s my Valentine’s Day

I am grateful that I have so much love in my life

And one day soon

I will swoon

Over him

And my Valentine’s Day

Will include a romantic dinner

Roses or lilies

And most importantly

Someone that loves me with their entire heart

We will cuddle we will kiss

The won’t be a hint that I miss

We will romance

We will dance

We will appreciate the little things

We will hear our hearts sing

Sweet lullabies of love