I’d jump in with you

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I’m deadly scared of the water
The water so deceptively blue
I’m scared of hitting rock bottom
The water so violent, waves crashing,
I don’t know what to do
I’m scared of drowning in it’s depth
But every time we talk
I can’t help but smile
As I imagine our long walk
We once talked of going swimming
You promised you’d protect me
That you were a swimmer in school
I want to enjoy the feeling of the water on my skin
I want to watch the tide coming in
So while
I may be afraid of the water
That much is true
But as long as you’d be next time to me
I’m jump in with you

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Ode to Pain

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Agony pain burning fires
In my brain
In my body
In my heart
I can’t put the fire out
Water doesn’t work
I thought I could drown it in tears
But that increases the flames
Like my tears are gasoline
I thought I could suffocate it
With my sweater
But instead
It suffocates me.
Smoke, fire, flames bursting through my heart.
Suddenly a dangerous explosion
My heart’s a million tiny pieces
Shattered, scattered
I finally put the fire out
Superhuman strength appears
I say no more as the music blares
Strong resolve to survive
but the damage of the fire
It is overwhelming
It’s burning pain I can still feel
The shock of the smoke
Collapses my lungs
The sadness of joy turned into sparks
Sparks of absolute agony
The fire was uninviting torture
Torture and hell
Truly it was the deepest level of hell
I felt pain in places I didn’t know I could
Now the charred remains will get off this train
After class
After talking to Ethan
After help from Heidi
After wisdom from Janet and Glendalyn
After tea with Bella
I walk to go shower
My charred self
Recovering what I can
Abandoning the rest
And recalling how high the flames got

And praying that no one can hurt me that deeply again…
Knowing they could.
Off to shower, drink coffee and pretend everything is fine.
Until it is.

I’ll make you whole

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That pain in your eyes has been there for days.
I don’t want to ask, I’ll just get in the way.
The pain in your eyes it reflects on the lake
That anguish I wish so badly I could extract and take
Turn it to ice and let it shatter
Because after it melts it simply won’t matter
It will seep deep into the earths cracks and flow far away
While my hand in your hand will stay
I will listen if you need me.
I’ll stay silent if you don’t,
But if the pain becomes too much
Please express it how you want to,
And judge you, I won’t.
I will do anything to comfort that which takes such a heavy toll
And with all the love contained in my being ill fill the cracks in to make you whole

Toil of Coil

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I sit uneasy
I stand tall
I pull and press the cold torment in my hand
My dirty jean apron is tied
My cloudy red bucket nearby
The music in the distance is the only soothing thing
With the gray clay
I fixate my mind on a small perfect vase
And for a moment in space
It exists

I glace over at my tools
At my damp pick and my filthy needle
My hands bone dry
I make three coils
They are stacked on the wheel
Oh Coils I hate the false joy you bring
It makes my heart sing
A lovely but misleading tune
Makes me look like a loon

So I work work work
Faster, concentrate
I combine you into one piece
Low and behold like rotting mold
On my toast
Revolting
You infuriate me
I plot ways to clash swords with you and win
Yet outwards travels the clay
Like a Mayan Temple

You, coils torture like a bully
You get inside my mind
You mess with calm
And create the perfect storm for madness
Maybe I stabbed my hand with the chisel
But so many failures of the toll of the coil

The toil of making circles makes me
Dizzy and you collapse my senses
Like a bully
You always reemerge
More hurtful
I stack and combine three more
It is woman verses nature
Maria against the coil
I will spin you around and make you puke
But again I have to start again
With what strength I have left
I stand up
I sadly but angrily crumple and thrust
You into the bin
Evil coil

You make my blood boil
You make me bleed my own blood
I have nothing to show for all these hours
Except your victory
And some blood

I curse the day you were born
Circles represent forever,
Perpetually they go on
So Forever I wage battle
Guerrilla Warfare
My fist smack and the table rattle
Until I collapse
Or you melt
Spawn of Satan

Where I’m From (according to my 18 year old self)

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I’m from corduroy jackets and denim jeans.
Running water and yellow Gatorade.
Sometimes when it rains for the window panes never lie,
I’m from wet sidewalks and damp fur.
If Scrabble is out and music pulses through my heart,
Then you know that’s where I’m from.

On occasion, if thunder and lightening lurk near,
The warm covers of my bed
Along with an old movie are where I’m from.
Warm pizza and Coca-Cola,
As well as silent laughter of a close friend are where I’m from.
When you can fall asleep to the cites
Of a fantasy land with a glass castle-
That is me.

I’m from oil paintings of mysterious night skies-
The kind of creases that fascinate my fingers.
The love and joy that I possess flows every so slowly
Onto the canvas before I am even awake.
When the lighthouse I’ve portrayed jumps off the page,
That’s where I’m from.

Every so often Harry Potter casts a spell on my world,
And nothing precious to me can be taken away.
My senses celebrate the magic I nourish them with,
For although they cannot tell a soul, they keep my treasures safe.

I’m from scraped knees and bruised shoulders.
One kiss and it is all better.
Where I’m from, long walks on the beach
Make for pleasant conversation.
“Mine the darkness and see the path you leave behind.”
Sometimes there is darkness in the distant trees,
But when the night sky is shimmering with shooting stars,
That’s where I’m from.

The place where I often dwell is in the front yard with all my flowers.
My lungs praise the October air, and the leaves delight my vision.
Sparkling bubbles from the fountain drizzle onto my body-
That’s where I’m where.

Where I’m From

Standard

I’m from corduroy jackets and denim jeans.
Running water and yellow Gatorade.
Sometimes when it rains for the window panes never lie,
I’m from wet sidewalks and damp fur.
If Scrabble is out and music pulses through my heart,
Then you know that’s where I’m from.

On occasion, if thunder and lightening lurk near,
The warm covers of my bed
Along with an old movie are where I’m from.
Warm pizza and Pepsi-Cola,
As well as silent laughter of a close friend are where I’m from.
When you can fall asleep to the cites
Of a fantasy land with a glass castle-
That is me.

I’m from oil paintings of mysterious night skies-
The kind of creases that fascinate my fingers.
The love and joy that I possess flows every so slowly
Onto the canvas before I am even awake.
When the lighthouse I’ve portrayed jumps off the page,
That’s where I’m from.

Every so often Harry Potter casts a spell on my world,
And nothing precious to me can be taken away.
My senses celebrate the magic I nourish them with,
For although they cannot tell a soul, they keep my treasures safe.

I’m from scraped knees and bruised shoulders.
One kiss and it is all better.
Where I’m from, long walks on the beach
Make for pleasant conversation.
“Mine the darkness and see the path you leave behind.”
Sometimes there is darkness in the distant trees,
But when the night sky is shimmering with shooting stars,
That’s where I’m from.

The place where I often dwell is in the front yard with all my flowers.
My lungs praise the October air, and the leaves delight my vision.
Sparkling bubbles from the fountain drizzle onto my body-
That’s where I’m where.